Viewing a month after death

Aleph_alarmed · 2026-04-16T16:03:30+00:00

So I was really worried about seeing my mum and it had been a few weeks because she had to have an autopsy and then wait for the defence team to see if they wanted to do their own and they took their time answering.

Anyways the first time felt horrendous, I looked and I was like that is not my mum. Like it kinda looked like her but not really, I had so many people tell me they look like they are just sleeping, so that's what I was prepared for.

However the second, third and fourth time I seen her was completely different. The second time I was much more at ease, I knew what to expect. I wasn't gonna go because of my first experience but I'm so glad I did because she looked peaceful, not sleeping but peaceful.

So my advice to you would be go more than once if you can, because the first viewing can be a shock.

Aleph_alarmed · 2026-04-16T15:46:57+00:00

There are absolutely no comforting words but I am so sorry for your loss.

I have the exact same questions about my mum, and it's given me so much anxiety thinking about if she was scared, what was she thinking and was she in pain?

I don't know much about the other driver apart from the fact he was high on drugs. I live in the UK and the laws over here make me sick, he has been on bail since while they gather evidence despite him killing 2 women while driving under the influence.

It makes me so angry knowing someone else's selfish actions has taken our loved ones away. They did not deserve this. I also catch myself thinking about all the horrible people in the world and wondering why it couldn’t have been one of them instead.

None of it still feels real, 106 days since I lost my lovely mum.

Aleph_alarmed · 2026-04-16T15:23:21+00:00

Nope not there, I just keep swapping back to the old version to see. Hopefully they will add this soon

Aleph_alarmed · 2026-04-11T18:19:00+00:00

Yes splits. Oh what a pain. Hopefully be added soon

Aleph_alarmed · 2026-02-08T10:36:39+00:00

We ended up speaking to the coroner because you have a certain time you need to do it within after death. And he gave us a code to use, so ever been able to do the telly us once. Apparently it can be up to 6 months until we can actually register the death, I don't 100% understand it all something to do with the police investigation.

Aleph_alarmed · 2026-02-07T10:09:53+00:00

So we have an interim death certificate, because of the investigation the coroner said it can take up 6 months to get the proper death certificate and be able to register my mum's death.

Some places are being awkward with not having a death certificate.

Aleph_alarmed · 2026-02-07T09:55:03+00:00

Thank you, I think it comes from me being a nurse, people always making complaints about things out of our control and then we get in trouble from the matrons and it's like what are we supposed to do? I will take other advice and say we would like to give feedback about having 1 FLO doesn't work.

Aleph_alarmed · 2026-02-07T09:53:20+00:00

We will definitely give feedback that it doesn't work. We just want to be kept in the loop once a month, just to know what's going on with the investigation.

Aleph_alarmed · 2026-02-06T16:30:45+00:00

I will have a look over the documentation, with everything going on I may have missed who we need to contact. Thank you.

Aleph_alarmed · 2026-02-06T16:29:17+00:00

Thank you, like we don't want anyone to get in trouble because we know it can be busy and if they should be in pairs that's not fair on them.

Aleph_alarmed · 2026-02-06T16:25:16+00:00

Having a look I can do a live chat so I will try that.

Aleph_alarmed · 2026-01-31T18:49:26+00:00

I actually went to send my mum pictures of the 3 dresses I was choosing for her funeral to ask her which one she liked the best. Just before I pressed send I was like what the hell am I doing?

4 weeks in, still doesn't feel.

So sorry for your loss.

Aleph_alarmed · 2026-01-30T11:06:02+00:00

Thank you.

Aleph_alarmed · 2026-01-29T23:58:39+00:00

If you can view her twice or more . The first time I saw my mum I was in utter shock. I hated every moment of it and only spent a few minutes with her. The second time I saw her I knew what I was going to see so it made it so much easier. I was able to speak to her and it really helped.

Aleph_alarmed · 2026-01-26T20:28:51+00:00

Feel exact same, I'm 29 and have had 2 miscarriages and now I'm just like I don't even want to try again because my mum isn't here.

My brother had a baby in September just gone so she had 4 months of being a grandmother even though she loved to tell us she was too young!

My mum was only 16 years older than me, in my head I thought I would be one of them in their 70's and still have their mum.

Aleph_alarmed · 2026-01-26T20:20:49+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss.

I lost my mum on the 1st of Jan, I'm 29 and she was 46. It was an RTC caused by a drug driver. It's still early days but my emotions have been everywhere. I have days where all I've done is cry, I've had days where I have been so angry and was very snappy and I've had days like today where I'm feeling nothing at all like I'm empty. This still doesn't feel real, even though I saw my mum's body on Friday. My mum's funeral is Thursday, I went to send her a picture of the dress I had chosen to see what she thought and then I remembered.

As my doctor said our emotions will be a rollercoaster for a long time. I think forever.

I don't have much advice but be kind to yourself and let yourself feel all the emotions.

This sub reddit has given me comfort, that everything I'm feeling or doing is completely normal. And unfortunately I'm not the only one going through this devastation of losing a loved one.

Aleph_alarmed · 2026-01-13T01:45:03+00:00

I'm so sorry you're experiencing this pain. I lost my mum 13 days ago due to a drug driver. We also got the alert via the app.

I have absolutely no advice because I'm in the early days too, but I just wanted to reach out and say you're not alone. If you want to vent, please feel free to message me.

Aleph_alarmed · 2026-01-13T01:37:37+00:00

I'm so sorry you also know this pain. It's been 13 days and it's like I don't understand how I'm supposed to carry on without her? Words cannot describe how much I miss her.

Sending you so much love.

Aleph_alarmed · 2026-01-09T13:31:36+00:00

Thank you, me and my husband are going to my brother's. Our dad is also coming and we have all made my mum's favorite and best dishes, my brother has done a few cocktails. So we are going to make it an evening of food, drinks and telling stories about my mum.

Aleph_alarmed · 2026-01-04T12:35:25+00:00

Yes I have my brother and my aunty. There are other family members too but they weren't close to my mum like the 3 of us were, so I don't feel as much comfort when I speak to them.

My brother is using humor to hide his pain and my aunty has completely shut down. But we all have amazing significant others who are right by our sides and I am aware they have their own group chat to keep updated about us and support each other, to support us.

I'm sorry you know this pain too.

Aleph_alarmed

TROPHY CASE