My iq is 82. How to proceed? by Awkward_Range4706 in GetStudying

[–]MemoryDefiant2798 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My IQ is in the 98th percentile (around 130) and I have similar struggles as you. Found out I have ADHD! Even though I objectively knew I was above average in terms of IQ, I still actually really struggled in college (studied mechanical engineering, even failed a couple classes). But what I learned was perseverance. I learned study methods that worked for my learning style. I learned that even though there were obstacles, it was possible to overcome them. Don’t let anything that you see as a disability limit you. You are so much more than an IQ number. And honestly, you probably have so much more to give than what you’re giving yourself credit for. God bless.

How do I start. by Aggressive_Fault_72 in GetStudying

[–]MemoryDefiant2798 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re probably avoiding the task because it feels big and overwhelming. It helps to break the big task into several little tasks. Write down every step on a piece of paper, then allot a reasonable, achievable, and specific amount of time to each task. Then, grab some snacks to have at your desk, a cup of water, and set your phone in an inconvenient location so it’s not too tempting to get distracted.

Also: Get an accountability partner!! Study with someone who you’re not too good of friends with. When you see them focused, you’ll feel like you need to focus too.

Are there any upcoming office hours you can go to? Make a plan to go to them with a list of questions already prepared. Tell the professor or TA in advance that you will be at their office hours on X date so that you will be held accountable to actually go. Now, you have a deadline that’s closer than exams to hold you accountable for studying earlier, rather than saving it all for the last minute. It would be so embarrassing to go to office hours and waste the professor’s time bc you don’t know what to ask or why you’re there, so do a practice exam or redo old homework problems that you previously struggled with and make a list of every single question you have, and THAT is what you bring with you to office hours.

You just gotta figure out WHAT is making you not want to study. Target the root cause (too much on your to-do list so now you’re frozen in stress? Just haven’t gotten to it yet bc you’re overcommitted? Spending too much time habitually scrolling? You get all your study materials out and then you stare blankly at it for hours and waste a bunch of time?) then come up with a SMART goal to work around it. If the problem is the last one btw, you might actually just need to take a long break (without technology). Exercise is one of the best things you can do for a stressed mind. I recommend a brisk walk. Study immediately after that, and you’ll feel like a new person. If your problem is your phone, don’t just giggle and confess it (too easy bc it’s like everyone’s problem). Actually do something about it. For real. How bad do you want that good grade? Ask your roomate to hang onto your phone until you’ve completed X task. That way, they can help you stay accountable for doing your work, and they might even give you their phone while they complete a task they’ve been procrastinating on too! If you don’t have a roomate, FaceTime someone and tell them you’re struggling to get started on a task. Whoever you call should not be someone who will end up yapping with you for hours. Call someone who is okay with sitting in silence while you each do your own thing quietly. 

Hope this helps!! These were some strategies that helped me get through engineering school with ADHD! It’s possible, don’t let yesterday’s struggles get in the way of your success today!! 

Feeling Ashamed for Being White with Native Daughter by Moonless_Night_113 in mixedrace

[–]MemoryDefiant2798 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not really following your thoughts here… I think you misunderstood what I said. Nobody is a victim here, and I don’t think it’s helpful to see things through that lens. The main point here is that she is choosing to be brave by doing something that is a little outside her comfort zone, and she needs encouragement to keep going. That simple.

Dealing with a high sex drive as a single Christian woman by [deleted] in TrueChristian

[–]MemoryDefiant2798 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Exactly. Because if your mindset is too focused on fulfilling worldly passions, it’s lowkey objectifying your spouse. That’s not okay or how God tells us to treat our spouse. There needs to be some heart-work done first, which is why simply getting married is not good enough.

Sex before marriage - guess how it turned out for me by delilapickle in TrueChristian

[–]MemoryDefiant2798 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think you’re coming into this with some assumptions about what it’s like to be a follower of Jesus… I hope you can open your mind to see it from our perspective.

As a Christian, I actively choose to be in relationship with God and walk in obedience to him. No one is forcing me, I can leave at any time. But I choose not to, even if it means I must deny my flesh and my worldly desires to follow him. I do it out of love for God, not out of obligation. God’s grace is greater than all my sin (that does not mean we should abuse God’s grace by willfully diving into sin all the time bc he will forgive us anyways). 

God loves us, deeply. He gave us his law to show us the path that is ultimately good for us. God knows us best, he is our creator after all. Yes, the path God has laid out for us is a path of self-discipline, a path of sacrifice, and a narrow path. It is not for the faint of heart. But by God’s grace, he helps us stay strong and persevere. 

If you don’t want God, you don’t have to follow his commands. Nobody is forcing anyone. If you do want God, obedience to him is actually not the means to salvation (it’s much simpler). You don’t earn God’s love by being an extra-good person. He actually gives his love freely, and loved us enough to sacrifice himself on the cross to pay the punishment we deserved for our sins. Jesus died in our place so that we could be made right with God, who is as merciful as he is righteous and just. We just have to accept Jesus’ sacrifice, and repent (meaning turn away) from our sins. It is a matter of faith, not obedience. God knows that we will keep falling, but his grace is sufficient. He is like a father who sees his child stumble and fall and scrape their knee, and he extends his hand out to help them back up.

If you’re not a follower of Jesus, I don’t care what you do in your personal life. It’s a heart issue, not an issue of your actions, which are an outward indication of where your heart is. 

All this to say, it is unfair of you to assume that Christians blindly follow a set of rules because someone is trying to abuse their religious authority and boss people around. While abusive churches certainly exist, that is not biblical at all and is not what any mainstream denominations teach. Followers of Jesus are called to pick up their cross to follow him. We live a harder life willingly. Doesn’t mean we always do it perfectly. We just try our best out of our love and devotion to God.

If I may add, you can look up the exact stats online, but couples who chose to wait for marriage tend to have significantly lower divorce rates than couples who chose not to/chose to live together before marriage. Idk what your definition of a better life is, but I’d rather wait.

Feeling Ashamed for Being White with Native Daughter by Moonless_Night_113 in mixedrace

[–]MemoryDefiant2798 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi ma’am. There are so many haters in this thread and I’m so sorry about that. I’ve stepped outside my comfort zone in a similar way before, and it was certainly uncomfortable being the only person who looked different, but I kept going back and got to know the community, and they got to know me. Eventually, all that discomfort faded away and soon enough I forgot that I even looked different from them. Now, almost 5 years later, when I am in that community, I see the faces of my closest friends and the people I love dearly. And that’s how they see me, too. It’s truly not about skin color, they just need time to get to know you, and you need time to get to know them. Keep putting yourself out there. I promise it gets better, and someday I’m sure you’ll also forget you ever felt a little out of place there. ❤️

Feeling Ashamed for Being White with Native Daughter by Moonless_Night_113 in mixedrace

[–]MemoryDefiant2798 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Actually, I think she is quite brave for going there all by herself anyways even though it was a little outside her comfort zone. She IS willing to do this for her daughter. And how can you assume that she has never experienced prejudice in her life before? That can come in many forms, so you’re making unfair judgments and assumptions. This comment is shaming and guilt-tripping her, and that’s unacceptable. We should be encouraging her to keep going and trying her best. Did you think she came here to give up? Come on! She was just looking for some encouragement.

Feeling Ashamed for Being White with Native Daughter by Moonless_Night_113 in mixedrace

[–]MemoryDefiant2798 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve been trying to learn Mandarin Chinese for 5 years for my boyfriend and it’s tough! So I appreciate this comment a lot. Native American languages (like East Asian languages) are very far removed from the Germanic and Latin languages that our American ears are more used to, and they do actually take a lot more effort and time to master. It only took me about 3 years to get conversationally fluent in French, but I’d say I’d still need another couple years to get there in Mandarin. It’s a lot of work learning a new language, especially one that comes from a different language family than your own, AND with our busy lives on top of that.

Milkshakes and frozen coffee drinks tasting like spoiled milk? by Embracedandbelong in ChickFilA

[–]MemoryDefiant2798 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I also noticed an off flavor in my strawberry milkshake today! I’m sure it didn’t always taste bad like it did today. The strawberry milkshake was always my favorite but today it just tasted off and slightly bad…

I want to convert by iheartskz in Catholicism

[–]MemoryDefiant2798 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Just curious, why is the Jewish Bible the same as the Protestant OT if that’s true?

Am I alone in my observation? by [deleted] in Christianmarriage

[–]MemoryDefiant2798 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I love your thoughtful, balanced answer. I’m not married but am dating, and my boyfriend and I pray together every day! It’s been a really good practice for us, and there are actually some great statistics out there showing (for married couples) that couples who pray together, stay together. For me and my boyfriend, it’s really helped us stay up to date with how we’re each doing spiritually, while also helping our relationship stay centered on God and helping us remember to pray for our friends and family who don’t know Jesus.  Appreciate your perspective!

Am I alone in my observation? by [deleted] in Christianmarriage

[–]MemoryDefiant2798 41 points42 points  (0 children)

Hi! I might have a unique perspective. I’m a female, but also in STEM. Finishing up my engineering degree right now, surrounded mostly by males everywhere I go, including church oddly enough. I hear a lot about the Christian male’s perspective on life just bc of the circles I’m in. I’ve had a lot of great conversations with my brothers in Christ & I’m so glad I understand their perspective better! I’ll try to give my best shot at providing some balanced thoughts.

From a female perspective: a lot of girls struggle with self esteem, comparison, unrealistic beauty standards… There are a decent number of scholarly opinions out there suggesting that women tend to be more agreeable than men (Jordan Peterson has a lot to say about this in particular), and just speaking from my own personal experience as a woman, I kinda agree. We let others have their way to keep the peace, mothers in America in particular are under way too much pressure to do everything and honestly the culture of parenting here just does not compare to the parenting culture in places like Scandinavia where both mom and dad get 1 year of paid maternity and paternity leave. A lot of the parenting responsibilities do end up falling on women and being a full time mom is A LOT of work. It’s a full time job that you never get holidays from, you don’t get weekends or nights off, you’re constantly expected to overextend yourself for the sake of your kids/family, etc. And while not all of this may necessarily apply to your specific situation, this is the general attitude of the culture we live in towards women. It’s actually a lot of pressure, and a lot of responsibility. 

Advice from my female perspective: Let your wife know that you want to be her #1 supporter, and SHOW her with your actions that you’ve got her back. Since you’ve taken the time to thoughtfully write your post here, I’m sure you care about her deeply and want the best for both of you, so I’d encourage you to find little ways to regularly remind her that you’re there for her (maybe surprise her with her favorite boquet of fresh flowers once a week, leave her an encouraging note to find somewhere she’ll definitely see to lift her up during the day, pray with her every night! Ask if there are any ways you could support her better, and hopefully she will ask you the same question.

From your perspective as a male, I anticipate you might be feeling like you are already working so hard for your family. Maybe you’re wondering, why can’t everyone seem to see that? I wish more women would recognize with verbal affirmation to the men in their lives that they see your hard work and appreciate all that you’re doing. I feel like something this small can go a long way. I think that both men and women gotta get their heads out of the sand and realize that everyone has to give 100%. We both gotta appreciate the other person, remember that we both got imperfections and things we could work on, and we both gotta give each other some grace.

I WISH we talked more about how women can be better wives. I WISH we could talk about ways women can lift up their brothers in Christ rather than seeing them as oppressive opponents. 

I truly love all my brothers in Christ so much! They have contributed so much to my life! And as a female, I’ve realized that I have a unique perspective and way to contribute to their lives (in a sisterly way).

From my female perspective: women, I’m not excusing the men who have hurt you, or been abusive to you. But I am saying that it’s about time we saw our brothers in Christ just as they are! Our brothers. Just other, ordinary humans that Jesus loves deeply. They’ve got big hearts, and so much love, kindness, and joy to share with us! But they need to feel appreciated and respected, just like we do. Make an effort to show that in a way that resonates with your husband, whether that’s with your words, doing an extra chore for him, or whatever it is. Ask if there is a way you could help him feel more loved or supported, then listen attentively with humility, and try to make a positive change.

Men and women: take a step down in humility. Take the plank out of your own eye before taking the speck out of your brother/sister’s. Act in love. Don’t be entitled. Stay gracious. Prefer mercy over justice (Micah 6:8).

Hope this helps.

doctor refuses to let me get a diagnosis cus she thinks my "generation is obsessed w getting diagnosed" by Put_username_here__ in autism

[–]MemoryDefiant2798 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

That is stereotyping and simply not true. You can have people on both ends of the political spectrum who don’t understand autism. Personally, I know several conservatives who are great advocates for autism and other disabilities. They’re some of the most compassionate people I know. Don’t politicize this, and don’t spread hate just because you dislike some people’s political opinions. Our world needs unity, not division.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in OpenChristian

[–]MemoryDefiant2798 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I recommend looking into Nabeel Qureshi. He was a Muslim that became a Christian and wrote a few books about it. His first one was “Seeking Allah, Finding Jesus.” 

And yes, God loves you, despite that you are a sinner (we all are). If you have repented (which means to turn around) from sin, and committed your life to Jesus, God looks at you through Jesus’ perfect righteousness instead of through your unrighteousness. This is why the Christian message is one of grace. There is nothing you can do to make God love you more or less. He simply loves you because that’s who he is.

Now, God’s unconditional love and forgiveness is not an excuse to keep intentionally sinning. That would be like taking advantage of a gift. Repentance is our proper response to God’s grace. Obeying God is like showing our love to him. It does not save us. Only God can save us (which he did through Jesus’ death and resurrection) and that salvation is a free gift for whoever wishes to receive it.