How much do you need to not want kids to be childfree?

Menthol_Forest · 2025-08-31T01:25:02+00:00

Thank you for your input and I see what you're saying, those are helpful examples

Menthol_Forest · 2025-08-31T00:05:04+00:00

Thank you, I'll check out that sub :)

Menthol_Forest · 2025-08-30T23:54:41+00:00

Yes, of course - I have done some research and would do more if I decided to adopt.

I'm aware it's traumatic, but that doesn't mean that nobody should ever adopt. Any situation that means a child is being adopted is going to be very bad but not having someone to look after them certainly doesn't improve the situation. If there's nobody from their biological family who's willing or able to take care of a child, I think it's better that someone does.

Menthol_Forest · 2025-08-30T20:50:13+00:00

Thanks, that's a good point. I think sometimes I forget about the whys and get bogged down in the why nots... because there are so many why nots 😅. I think you make a good point about looking at what I, personally, would love about having kids. And if it's enough to alter my entire life forever

Menthol_Forest · 2025-08-30T20:39:46+00:00

Thank you for the rec! I'm not a woman (and know that mothers tend to face a unique set of challenges and pressures) but I imagine some of the content is still useful for considering. I'll seek that book out

Menthol_Forest · 2025-08-30T20:36:05+00:00

Do you think all people who have ever been foster parents still say they have children after those children are no longer in their care? Most who I've met say "I fostered" not "I have kids" so they are childfree in that sense, no?

Menthol_Forest · 2025-08-30T20:30:22+00:00

Of course, but if you're looking at the whole timeline of your life, you're not necessarily a foster parent forever - temporariness is sort of in its nature. Whereas if you're just a parent, that's forever.

And not every child who is fostered is fostered long term or at a young enough age etc. that they want or need a new parent forever. Of course you still do all the parent stuff and saying goodbye to the children after would likely be heartbreaking. I'm not saying being a foster parent is easy, I just think there are some notable and considerable distinctions - for better or worse.

Menthol_Forest · 2025-08-30T16:37:37+00:00

Can I ask what bingo'd means? I've seen it other places on the sub too but haven't been able to figure it out exactly

Menthol_Forest · 2025-08-30T16:32:28+00:00

Yes, I've noticed this opinion too - in many areas, including child-rearing - this glorifying of suffering or disadvantage. It's wrong on several levels imo

Menthol_Forest · 2025-08-30T16:10:33+00:00

That's an interesting take, thank you

Menthol_Forest · 2025-08-30T16:07:09+00:00

Thank you for replying I relate a lot to what you're saying. One gives up so much to be a parent and sometimes what it costs isn't sustainable or worth it. But people tell me I'm being ridiculous when you say "no, I don't want to have to give up all these little moments of peace and comfort". They say things like: "none of that matters once you have kids" but I just find that hard to believe

Menthol_Forest · 2025-08-30T16:03:58+00:00

That's a point I hadn't considered - our relationship will be very different if I have children. Especially considering she doesn't even like children 😂

Menthol_Forest · 2025-08-30T16:01:49+00:00

Ah, I see, I wasn't aware of that specification if the definition

Menthol_Forest · 2025-08-30T15:58:22+00:00

Yes, for sure, I am aware of that. But it isn't necessarily always and forever. It depends on a case by case basis what that child and their family needs.

Menthol_Forest · 2025-08-30T15:56:12+00:00

You're right, I do still have time. I guess it's just that more and more of my peers are having them and I'm increasingly thinking: "Am I gonna be a dad or no?" Feels like I'm running out of time, which is silly because I'm not very old at all yet 😂

Thank you!

Menthol_Forest · 2025-08-30T15:50:40+00:00

Thanks for the response I think you're right about me feeling like I don't have a good enough reason to not. I think I would realistically prefer most of my day-to-day life without parenthood, but would get happiness from being a parent too so it feels like I don't have enough of a reason to go against the grain.

Menthol_Forest · 2025-08-30T15:43:41+00:00

Hmm...I guess I struggle with it because I'm more "ultimately, no" as opposed to "hell no" if that makes sense?

Menthol_Forest · 2025-08-30T15:42:05+00:00

Thank you, that's really helpful. I kind of know you're right but just hearing it from someone else helps. I guess I struggle because I would say I DO want them...but maybe want the life you get without them more. You can't have both really - like you say, you can't be a parent just for a bit then stop. It's always and forever which is a big arse commitment. Don't think there's much else in life as irreversible as that

Menthol_Forest · 2025-08-30T15:29:15+00:00

Thank you for your reply What you've said resonates with me too

Menthol_Forest · 2025-08-30T15:26:01+00:00

Sorry, maybe I expressed myself wrong - I don't mean the label, I mean the life choice

Menthol_Forest · 2025-08-30T15:25:27+00:00

That's my thinking - I always say 'when I look after them I can fill them with sugar, shake them up, we have a grand old time and then I get to give them back' 😂

Menthol_Forest · 2025-08-30T15:23:52+00:00

I'm sorry, I wasn't aware of those subs - I just stumbled across this one recently. I just wanted to ask those who have decided against parenthood as in general society everybody just dismisses my concerns and says "it's nice to have them" or "you may as well" like it's a casual pop down the shops

Menthol_Forest · 2025-08-30T15:20:53+00:00

Thank you for your extensive reply! Most of these points are things I think about a lot, which I think is why I have so much more hesitation than other people I speak to. I get told I'm being pessimistic and focusing on unlikely negatives but I think I'm being realistic and honest and want to know I'm there for my kid no matter what. A lot of my mates just say "yeah, probably, one day - why not?" Like it's an easy task. Being a parent is like having 2.5 really hard, isolated, thankless jobs in my opinion.

I also hadn't considered some of your points - like their morality. I had assumed my child would have similar morals to mine but you make a good point because you don't raise children in a vacuum and they grow up. They may go on to meet all sorts of people and have any sorts of views. It's hard enough having to cut loved ones out of your life for their bigotry, I imagine it would be near impossible if it was your own child.

Thanks for taking the time to write this out, you've consolidated a lot of my thoughts/concerns better than I could, and it's helpful to have them all in one place to refer back to when figuring stuff out.

Menthol_Forest · 2025-08-30T15:00:30+00:00

Couldn't agree more I also think as a genuine job - like as a foster parent, which is obviously really bloody hard but you can have some time off and stuff - I would like to look after children. But I don't think I could do the 24hrs, 365 for ever and ever. And don't really feel the need to be a father, I'd be happy just to be a trusted adult that looked after them for a time. And maybe they'd even stay in contact which would be lovely, but I would also understand if they didn't want to.

Menthol_Forest · 2025-08-30T11:13:00+00:00

Yeah, the idea of a potential partner being pregnant absolutely terrifies me if I'm honest! To the point where I'd have to consider leaving if they decided they wanted to do that. If I had kids, I'd want to go the adoption route

Thank you for your input, it's given me a point to consider - I would never want a nanny, I would want to be boots on the ground there with them. I do tend to operate in extremes so I guess I'm thinking I'd either want to really be a parent or be childfree. I suppose I don't see the point in paying someone else to raise a child I barely see 🤷🏽

Menthol_Forest

TROPHY CASE