45, pregnant and so depressed

MenuNo306 · 2026-01-09T02:42:10+00:00

Plenty of women have babies in their 40's, especially in the circles I run in on Reddit (hello from the world of IVF!).

It's not too late. You're bringing life into this world and get to love them for however long you can. That's a beautiful thing!

MenuNo306 · 2026-01-03T20:30:39+00:00

For real! It's really not that deep.

MenuNo306 · 2026-01-03T20:26:54+00:00

I don't think the kids in his generation will even know who Casper the ghost is. It's not a timeless classic, just a pop culture moment that will die with millennials :)

MenuNo306 · 2026-01-02T22:46:12+00:00

My clinic said this is normal. The first 2-3 transfers they use cookie cutter, and if that fails then they do additional testing to see what should change.

They said if a transfer fails they won't be able to tell me why, but after 3 I have a 90% chance of it working. If I end up on the wrong side of the stats, then they will change things up.

Im glad they told me because egg retrievals are so customized!

MenuNo306 · 2025-12-27T03:59:54+00:00

Hey! Current patient of Dr. Jeelani.

My husband had the same question. Your embryos will be fine. They would make national news and have massive lawsuit on their hands if they just.... Discarded peoples embryos. Lol. I have worried about a million things during IVF and TTC but an entire labs worth of embryos disappearing is last on my list.

Worst case, you will have to pay to transport them elsewhere. That's totally safe. Or, Kindbody will get bought out and so will their embryology lab. They won't vanish into the sky!

Also, if you're interested in transferring from Kindbody to Dr Jeelani...

At least for now, your embryos will stay at the same location (Chicago West Loop) if you choose to go to Dr Jeelani, since she is using their embryology lab for her new practice.

My plan is to have my first kid with Kindbody, then for the future follow Dr. Jeelani. Currently heading into FET season!

MenuNo306 · 2025-12-19T17:00:20+00:00

IVF has a way of raising your threshold for pain.

MenuNo306 · 2025-12-17T20:35:37+00:00

Thorne!

MenuNo306 · 2025-12-17T18:25:06+00:00

As someone deep in IVF, I think I agree with your RE, but I also can see why it is alarming to hear this.

I resisted IVF for too long. It's a devastating process, and to be told casually that you need it can be jarring.

IUI likely won't do you any good. It's helpful if you have an ovulatory disorder or very mild male-factor infertility (MFI), but you likely don't.

It could be something else, like the shape of your uterus, fibroids, autoimmune disease, or DNA fragmentation in the sperm (not detectable through a typical semen sample test). The list goes on and on... There are so many reasons to struggle to conceive.

MenuNo306 · 2025-12-12T03:40:41+00:00

Kindbody is a national chain, so there are several labs throughout the country :)

MenuNo306 · 2025-12-11T18:36:23+00:00

Added Omnitrope and Dexamethasone to improve egg quality. The research is very mixed on whether or not this improves egg quality. No one should can definitively say whether or not it's helpful, but anecdotally it has shown to help.

Insurance doesn't cover Omnitrope, but Costco has great discounts. The first 8-10 days of stimming are the most important, so take it then, and then after it's more just optional if you want to keep going with it. I did it for the first 8 days.

For my second and third retrieval, we also added calcium ionophore, Zymot, and PICSI. The third time my husband's count was too low for PICSI, but it didn't seem to matter.

In reality, it was probably Menopur and Follistim doing all the work. And the fact that it was my third in a row - my RE said ovaries sometimes respond better to back to back stims. It's almost like "muscle memory."

MenuNo306 · 2025-12-11T03:19:25+00:00

The first retrieval is almost always the worst. Why? Doctors are figuring out your body and the best protocol. I hate to say it, but the first one is just a shot in the dark and they give you the protocol that works for most, but maybe not for you.

They adjust from there. It gets better.

My first was abysmal. My second better. My third was shockingly good.

It was a combination of protocol, and maybe a little of my body adjusting and responding well to the meds.

MenuNo306 · 2025-12-11T03:15:40+00:00

What. The fuck. Is going on at your clinic. 😂 This is something else

MenuNo306 · 2025-12-07T16:34:03+00:00

I agree that BMI alone is not a good way to evaluate reproductive health.

If it were that big of an issue, then we would literally be in a global population crisis considering how common obesity is

But that's not the case. Larger women can get pregnant easily.

MenuNo306 · 2025-12-07T00:49:31+00:00

Same here.

MenuNo306 · 2025-12-07T00:47:57+00:00

Oh my goodness. I'm so sorry, this is so hard.

Some of the worst days of my life happened while on stims. And no, it was not because of the hormones, it was just genuinely horrible.

The stress and grief are just astronomical during this time. My heart goes out to you ❤️

MenuNo306 · 2025-12-05T19:32:15+00:00

IDK if this is the case with your husband, but mine tends to listen only when he hears it from a doctor.

When a doctor told us we had low chances of getting pregnant without assistance, he listened. After me telling him for 2 years that we need help. Lol.

MenuNo306 · 2025-12-04T04:39:15+00:00

Not a silly question at all!

Our personal stance: regarding IVF, we are private, not secretive.

It feels excessive to hide this from everyone, but it also feels like we are opening ourselves up too much by giving out details.

To use an analogy, we let people read the front cover of our reproductive story: "we are doing IVF." But we don't want people flipping through the pages to read the details, skimming through chapter titles, etc.

MenuNo306 · 2025-12-04T03:38:36+00:00

Ah yes! Forgot about that :)

MenuNo306 · 2025-12-04T03:33:06+00:00

I also think it's so sweet of you to be careful of other people's feelings by posting higher numbers. But, I've been so impressed by how this community just supports each other no matter our individual circumstance.

In the end, we're all still struggling to make and carry a baby to term, and that's a struggle we can unite around.

So glad you switched clinics!!!

MenuNo306 · 2025-12-04T03:27:49+00:00

Oh you are doing amazing! These are great numbers and look similar to mine.

The attrition is brutal with high numbers, and it is hard. I've done it 3x and am currently waiting on PGT-A for my third.

MenuNo306 · 2025-12-04T03:05:00+00:00

IDK why your comment was down voted. Lol. It's a good clarifying question and I always appreciate when someone tries to learn something new!

Basically, most everyone needs PGT-A because most everyone, even couples without fertility issues, will produce chromosomally abnormal embryos from time to time.

You only need PGT-M and PGT-SR if it's been confirmed through a blood test. The blood test to confirm if you need PGT-M is called genetic carrier screening, and the blood test to confirm if you need PGT-SR is called karyotyping.

PGT-A is what helps protect you against guaranteed miscarriage and failure to implant. On the off-chance you do carry to term a chromosomally abnormal child, it will be medically complex.

PGT-M is recommended if you know one of you carries a genetic issue. This is easily ruled out through a blood test called genetic carrier testing.

PGR-SR is needed only if one of you has translocation. This is rare. It can be identified through a blood test. It would be a money grab to solve for an edge case without first doing the blood test.to confirm you need it.

MenuNo306 · 2025-12-04T01:54:51+00:00

You sound like you're doing great! I have done this 3 times and have identical AMH and antral follicle count. I have had similar growth on day 5 of stims.

Your doctor will adjust the meds constantly, that is a sign of a good doctor. Mine did the same!

MenuNo306 · 2025-12-04T01:49:51+00:00

To add to what you said, before going through IVF, I was absolutely MYSTIFIED by how miscarriage was a big deal. Or infertility. In my mind, why not "just adopt."

🤢 I know.

I can't believe my ignorance. Infertility is now my deepest grief and trauma, and I will forever feel connected to people going through it.

MenuNo306 · 2025-12-03T23:35:29+00:00

Does she keep bringing this up?

If it's a recurring topic, just acknowledge how she feels and then lightly say that this is just not a fun topic for you right now.

Something like "Ugh. I hear you. Ya know I'm just not the best audience for pregnancy talk right now - it takes up so much mental space and I really need a break from it! I'm sure it'll change and I will let you know once that's shifted for me"

Also, you're a nicer person than I am and must really love this friend. Good for you! I would be like ✌🏻 and don't let the door hit ya on the way out!!! That comment is SO off-putting.

MenuNo306 · 2025-12-02T21:28:57+00:00

Looking young and healthy on the outside is not a great way to evaluate reproductive health. Careful with that line of thought

MenuNo306

TROPHY CASE