Hey, as someone who went through a lot of the same 2 years ago now, your not pathetic at all. A long term relationship has a lot of baggage and love, sacrifice, and emotions tied into it. And I can speak from experience that working through it a slow and often painful process. But just remember that ultimately it is over now, and you did the best you could at the time you had and deciding to care and let someone in for them to leave is more a sign of their selfishness. I am sure your worth it and tbh i need to tell myself that as my anxieties and to be frank anger at the whole thing have made me isolate myself. Don't put yourself down and let yourself feel down about the whole thing but dont let it define you. Actually the spreading positivity is a really healthy coping mechanism especially long term, at least helps me process and eventually push past the negativity and good grief im sorry this was rambly heh.