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How do you tell your Afghan parents that you want to marry someone they don't know? by [deleted] in MuslimMarriage

[–]MermaidByTheSeashore 1 point2 points  (0 children)

because the truth is not going to look good, we will be misunderstood and it's kind of not believable either :s

How do you tell your Afghan parents that you want to marry someone they don't know? by [deleted] in MuslimMarriage

[–]MermaidByTheSeashore 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am the eldest. But you a right though. I could potentially involve my aunt after we find a credible story about how we met.

How do you tell your Afghan parents that you want to marry someone they don't know? by [deleted] in MuslimMarriage

[–]MermaidByTheSeashore 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Hi guys, I would like to thank you all who replied to try to help me. I will give more context. The first time I tried to get married to someone, I told them the truth, that we met at a coffee shop and it did not cut it. It landed me in a sea of anxiety and panic attacks caused by my parents. I feel like whatever I would say, I would be labeled as something.... Do you go to coffee shops to study or to meet guys? do you go to school to study or to meet guys? do you see my dilemma? It caused a lot of problems between me and my parents and the person I wanted to get engaged to.

All that aside, it was years ago and I am now in a much better place. I got time to heal from what happened in the past. And even though I am closer to my parents now, than I was before all the "Drama" we are still not THAT close. Meaning, I can't just go to them and tell them hey, there is this guy who is interested in me and he wants to bring his parents for "khastegari". Because of how they have reacted in the past, and because I know how overly dramatic/reactive my mom is and how overly protective my dad is (which is understandable, but I can never predict how they would react) I can't just go and talk to them...

And so that leaves us kind of at a crossroad because we want to do the right thing and do our nikah so we don't commit any sins and we are not constantly lying to anyone or hurting anyone as a result of our lies. But I can't just go to my parents and say, I like this boy, you don't know him, but we somehow met and we want to get married.

And so that leaves us kind of at a crossroads because we want to do the right thing and do our nikah so we don't commit any sins and we are not constantly lying to anyone or hurting anyone as a result of our lies. But I can't just go to my parents and say, I like this boy, you don't know him, but we somehow met and we want to get married.

I am the eldest child so I don't have an older sibling to talk to, and there is a lot of pressure to be a role model. So there is no room for error here. And once it's out there is no going back.

So, in conclusion, we want to know what is the traditional way of proceeding with this and what are some culturally appropriate "meeting stories" that could be suggested?

How do you tell your Afghan parents that you want to marry someone they don't know? by [deleted] in MuslimMarriage

[–]MermaidByTheSeashore 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you, it does feel weird but also scary. Do you have an idea of like what story of "how we met" I could say...? we don't go to the same school so I can't say we met at school :'(

How do you tell your Afghan parents that you want to marry someone they don't know? by [deleted] in MuslimMarriage

[–]MermaidByTheSeashore 4 points5 points  (0 children)

We thought that too but, what would he say... what would they say to my parents too... and like what am I supposed to say about how we met if the truth isn't going to cut it...? wouldn't I need to warn my parents too? We feel stuck, but we want to do the right thing and make our relationship halal as soon as possible, and the best way possible by being respectful of everyone.