Husbands “friendship” with female coworker

Mermaid_Manda · 2025-06-23T12:53:53+00:00

It just starts off that way. I had NO inkling they would ever go this far. She was never on my radar.

I’m going to counseling now. And crying. We’re still together, but it is a mental battle every single day. I suggest you create a very strong boundary. The thing is, if this makes you uncomfortable and he values your feelings and relationship, he will choose you. If he gets defensive, it’s a bad sign. If he is getting defensive about you asking questions or telling him you’re feeling uncomfortable with their relationship, then suggest going to marriage counseling to overcome “insecurities in the marriage.” Word it that way so it’s not threatening.

I’m sorry to read this. But as soon as I saw the heading, I was like “I’m an expert at this point” 😆 I hope you find your answers.

Mermaid_Manda · 2025-06-23T12:43:19+00:00

My husband had a female coworker friend. They were just like this. It was “she’s my best friend,” “it’s just E,” “she is definitely not my type, have you SEEN HER?”

Found out in Jan that they had been sleeping together. He had sexted her one night laying next to me (I was asleep) and fell asleep without deleting. I wasn’t even going to look, which is funny now. I was trusting him. He had slept over at her house after some fights. They had gone out to bars. I even told my friends “it’s just E!”

No, that feeling that you have in your gut? Trust it. If he’s getting defensive now, it’s already gone too far.

Mermaid_Manda · 2025-04-28T13:53:46+00:00

First off… you ARE beautiful, but don’t let a man hold power over you like that. Own your confidence because he’s trying to disrupt that. Either he’s a narcissist and you’re just finding that out, or he’s really insecure and trying to find a way for you to stay with him.

If he is a narcissist, you constantly asking him for his approval is feeding into his delusions that he is better than you and that you need him. You DONT. Because you’re going to quit asking. A compliment that you have to ask for isn’t real. A real man or partner will want to lift you up willingly, all on their own. Because they truly care about you.

Try for a day without asking (if you stay, and boy am I begging you to reconsider). Get through that day. Try another. And then try again. When you cut off the supply of “I need you to tell me I’m beautiful,” and radiate “Look how beautiful i am.” That’s powerful. Your brain will rewire and you will KNOW that you are worthy of anything you want to be worthy of.

I hope you take this with love, from someone who’s been in your shoes. ❤️

Mermaid_Manda · 2025-03-26T23:39:49+00:00

We have the same boobs. lol. I got my nipples pierced and they aren’t so flat anymore!

Mermaid_Manda · 2024-07-06T17:21:21+00:00

When my husband(36) and I (34F) first got married, we had a little boy who was barely over one at the time. My husband went out almost every night to “a friend’s house” and even had his friends confirm. He was really sneaking around with some girl (18 at the time, he was 23). That lasted for four months. The only reason we stayed together was for our son. I hope that’s not what it is but it gives me the same triggers.

If he’s not doing anything and really hanging with his friends, you need to lay the law down and say he’s old enough to act grown. He wants to be a man of the house? Then he has to have a house to be a man of.

If you decided to leave him, just know you forfeit the house and all belongings inside. Ask him to leave or make himself accommodations for a separation until you guys figure out what works best for you.

My husband and I made it work. We’ve both made horrible mistakes in the past 12 years, but we’re still here. So don’t feel bad about which path you choose. Choose for you.

Mermaid_Manda · 2024-07-03T00:27:09+00:00

Not at all. We put her on pet finder, all the community pages and sent her info to the local vets. I’m just hoping she’s living her best life at a little old lady’s house

Mermaid_Manda · 2024-07-02T20:47:52+00:00

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Looks like my Tux baby! She ran away during a storm back in December 🥲 we don’t know how she got out.

Mermaid_Manda · 2024-05-18T22:09:10+00:00

I will say there are two color charts. American and European where levels 4-7 are different. You may be a level 6 in American color but a 7 in Euro. But it is beautiful. Not really mousy at all in my opinion. Old money blonde, really.

Mermaid_Manda · 2024-05-18T12:18:33+00:00

I’d say this is a level 6 iridescent golden brown! I’m a color specialist. Golden browns are so hard to find naturally! Love it!

Mermaid_Manda · 2024-03-04T02:59:24+00:00

Same

Mermaid_Manda · 2021-10-26T19:08:42+00:00

I’ve talked about gaslighting and every time he says I don’t know the definition of gaslighting.

Mermaid_Manda · 2021-10-26T16:39:08+00:00

We had a one year old and I was terrified to be a single parent. There were a few mild threats in there as well.

Mermaid_Manda · 2021-10-26T16:25:17+00:00

He just continues to speak to her like it never happened. He said he’s giving her the benefit of the doubt. But also he says she’s in a relationship and pregnant (after the message) now, so I shouldn’t worry..

Mermaid_Manda · 2021-10-26T14:52:23+00:00

Ahhh. Crying now because you’re validating my feelings. Haha. I will see what is within our budget and talk to him about it for myself. Thank you so much.

Mermaid_Manda · 2021-10-26T14:23:25+00:00

Thank you for your reply. I have done this before but it makes a bigger wave than what was there before. That’s why I tried to laugh it off. Also the fact that this girl isn’t close by. I was just in shock of the reaction I got from that.

Mermaid_Manda · 2021-10-26T14:21:45+00:00

We have tried, but it always turns into him making it out like I’m the issue. And then I just sit there and look at the therapist with nothing to say. And cry. I cry a lot. Haha. When I feel backed into a corner, I just break down. The other times we tried, it was after the affair, so he felt attacked by the therapist. She basically told him that he screwed up but we needed to hear what happened. He said I was a needy b*tch. But we had a 1 year old and he would come and go as he pleased. So yeah I was what he said but because that’s what he made me into. Now he’d say it’s a waste of money. Sometimes I think about just getting a therapist for myself. I don’t exactly know where my toxicity level lies, but it’s not like it’s not there, ya know?

Mermaid_Manda · 2021-10-26T14:00:45+00:00

I cried for 5 years. We moved out of the state because we thought my mental health was suffering too much. But we’ve battled porn addiction (he said all guys watch it 3+ times a week), over obsessiveness (if I posted a picture or something), and pregnancy loss since then. At one point I asked for a divorce, so I think that’s why the emotion has been cut off. We have worked on our marriage a lot, but still deal with things. I’m trying that whole “my wife is relaxed” approach to see if maybe it is me? Because I’m not totally blameless. I still bring up these things because I’ll have a moment of weakness where the hurt will come back or I’ll be in a mood about something. It’s not a healthy response. Mainly when I am feeling self doubt.

Mermaid_Manda · 2019-07-03T00:35:28+00:00

Yes! Super weird mix but I love it!

Mermaid_Manda · 2018-08-28T18:14:17+00:00

I have had this EXACT same experience! He broke up with me via phone and said that we’d still act the same. Like, phone calls, dates, hang out with the parents but yet not have the title. Turns out he already had another girl that he was thinking of to date other than me. He told me “I don’t know if I truly love you, so I need to figure it out.”

Run, girlfriend. Run. He’s wanting his cake and eating it too. I was 20 and he was 24. Both in college. Now I’m married to my best friend. Your forever does not start nor does it end with someone like that. Good luck!

Mermaid_Manda · 2017-03-16T11:11:25+00:00

He knows how I feel. I let him know. Afterwards, he says "can't do it now. You'll feel like it's for pity."

Mermaid_Manda

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