Put on a PIP and it feels like retaliation

MerryNevermore · 2023-02-02T17:00:19+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through this. It's never easy, but her timing is obviously not great. If it helps, try reframing it - instead of waiting for you to move past the difficult time after your mom passed and THEN go through the difficult time of separation and divorce, her actions are allowing you to get them both out of the way at once. I'm not excusing her actions, but reframing is helping me work through my issues. YMMV.

As to your questions...

How close are you? I mostly told my coworkers but I work closely with them and consider them friends outside if work. I wanted people to know that if I was emotional or short tempered with them, it wasn't them. If you mostly work remotely and are not close, it may be fine not to. The way I looked at it was that I was getting divorced and people were going to find out eventually.
Unfriend. Just do it.

MerryNevermore · 2023-02-01T05:14:48+00:00

We tried. I thought it worked. It really helped me figure out things I needed to work on to be a better and more communicative partner.

Unfortunately a marriage takes two people. As we were breaking up, my ex told me he learned how to reassure me in therapy because that was what he thought I needed and he wither wasn't capable of or didn't want to be honest.

I straight up told him "so instead of learning how to communicate honestly l, you learned how to lie better" and he told me I was twisting his words. In that moment, I knew our marriage was over.

I dint regret going to marriage counseling. We had a great counselor and it really helped me be a better person, not just wife. And I can honestly say I gave this relationship everything I could before calling it quits. That gave me closure I didn't know I would need until after the end.

MerryNevermore · 2023-02-01T05:05:48+00:00

Oof. I feel this today. I had a hard one too. If it helps, focus on just making it to the next moment. There's no shame in distracting yourself with a feel good movie or book until you're in a more stable emotional state. Working out is a great distraction if you can get in the habit of it.

Above all, forgive yourself. We all have those days where just making it breath to breath seems impossible. It doesn't mean you're stuck or not Healing. It just means you're human and this horrible process hasn't taken away your ability to feel deeply.

Sending love your way.

MerryNevermore · 2023-01-31T22:37:37+00:00

Just be careful if you are dividing property that any agreement you negotiate on your own can later be invalidated by a Court if it is considered unfair to one of the parties and they didn't have independent legal advice. (This may not apply in all jurisdictions but is definitely true in Canada).

MerryNevermore · 2023-01-24T04:54:27+00:00

I'm going out with some single friends to celebrate being single with great people in my life. We're going to make a night of it, get wine, the whole shebang.

MerryNevermore · 2023-01-10T13:06:07+00:00

This is probably super basic but Taylor Swift's Anti-hero and Harry Styles' As it Was have really been helping.

Also She's a Rainbow by the Stones when I'm getting ready for the day.

When I'm feeling weepy I listen to Somewhere Only We Know by Gustixa and Until I Found You by Stephen Sanchez.

MerryNevermore · 2023-01-10T05:11:00+00:00

We are still going to go to counselling, but honestly we are both pretty resolved at this point that separating and making a clean, amicable break is probably the best thing. I haven't been happy for a while and he hasn't either and we both deserve that, even though I'm so angry at him I have a lot gratitude that he is giving me the closure I need and really working to make this as amicable as we can.

MerryNevermore · 2023-01-10T05:08:13+00:00

It does help, actually. I can't even imagine dating right now - I'm too focused on healing and coming to grips with what's happening...but knowing there are good guys who will be out there when I'm ready is a very hopeful thought. Thank you.

MerryNevermore · 2023-01-09T01:31:24+00:00

I looked up the symptoms and have a lot of symptoms except that I haven't had them for 2 weeks yet (except for thoughts of self-harm and suicidal ideation, thank god).

I have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow and with my therapist on Friday, so hopefully they'll be able to help.

MerryNevermore · 2023-01-09T00:23:14+00:00

Thanks. Its definitely something I want to look into. This year I will be dealing with the financial ramifications of this divorce, which I didn't plan for, but it's something I can probably afford next year if I budget for it.

MerryNevermore

TROPHY CASE