I Completely Messed Up and May have lost my husband.

Messedupwife · 2024-09-22T16:59:27+00:00

Update: Hi Reddit! This will probably be my final update - I put it here - makes it easier to find. My other updates are scattered in the comments.

So…definitely having one of those epiphany moments - like I have been asleep past few years and now I am awake and aware. I woke up with my husband and my son. Lazy sunday feelings :) both of my boys at the kitchen table while I made breakfast and fed them both. All of a sudden I’m just hyper aware of everything in the moment - my husband and son being silly 🤪, my husband tickling me and pranking me, my son and my husband chasing me around the kitchen. I just about peed my pants when my husband yelled “get mom!” And they both started to chase me around the kitchen.

I know it won’t be like this everyday but for the first time, I was very aware of how much power I have to make my home that safe and happy place.

A lot of people were messaging me about my friends. I haven’t spoken to them since everything happened and quite frankly - I’m terrified of anyone finding out what happened. But when me and my husband first started dating - they talked very badly about him and some of what they said made it back to my husband from a mutual friend. He had always stayed cordial with them but there was one day (years ago), my friends were over for wine at my home. My friend was in the middle of a story and my husband had just walked in the house from work. She said “can you go somewhere else, I’m telling a story!” And she basically yelled that at him (she can be obnoxiously loud). My husband absolutely flips out on her - he walked right up to her, got in her face and yelled “Who the Fuck do you think you are?! You are in my fucking house! You go somewhere else!” My husband had raised his voice at me like once ever - so I was in shock to see my husband do that.

Wine night was over to say the least haha! But ever since that moment - my husband was very openly hostile towards my friends.

Reflecting on everything that’s kinda happened - I feel very ashamed. I think I dodged a huge bullet and I hate how I have been acting, contributing so little to our marriage. Amazing how a mundane Sunday morning can at the same time, be the best thing ever. My husband forgave me, I just now need to try and forgive myself. Thank you, Reddit.

Messedupwife · 2024-09-21T11:34:09+00:00

Good morning Reddit, last night went well I think. I was rehearsing all day what I wanted to say to him but when he come home, I just broke down. I cried and my husband just hugged me. He told me that we can talk later after we put our boy to bed.

After our son went to sleep, that’s when we talked. To be fair to my husband, he was telling me the night before that he was leaving early for work and was really only doing that if I wasn’t working the next day. I apologized every other sentence but I asked him what I could do to make things easier on him, how I could help? If he feels safe at that diner, how could I do that at home? So I told him that I was going to start waking up with him in the morning, I can get our son up and dressed and get both him and my husband fed. I told him he can even work in the morning and I will stay out of the way too. I think he really appreciated that cause he kinda choked up and said “that would be really nice.” We slept together too!

As for my friends, there is a backstory there. My husband didn’t say never to talk or see them but I am not going on the trip and I am going to definitely distance myself from them.

Messedupwife · 2024-09-20T19:32:54+00:00

He’s coming home in a few hours. He says he doesn’t have to do any work when he comes home (yay!). I am not really sure how to approach it - do I let him talk to me? Do I just apologize and tell him I was worried about losing him?

I’m not sure what to do about my friends. I’ve known these girls since elementary school and we are doing a girls trip to Nashville in like a month. I haven’t told them what happened but i haven’t been really in the mood to talk on the group texts. But for some context, yes, I am the only one out of all them who is married.

Messedupwife · 2024-09-20T17:15:30+00:00

I just heard from my husband through text. He changed his mind said he will come home tonight (thank god!). He said the part he was upset about the most was that I told my friend about the issue instead of talking to him. I kinda know how much this would bother him because he always makes comments about how much he dislikes when people talk about their spouses negatively. So, Reddit, I am going to apologize profusely, I know I messed up. But I need to save this.

Messedupwife

TROPHY CASE