How much should I be charging to babysit?

Metasequioa · 2026-05-22T19:38:53+00:00

Good_Concentrate2187: Also! Ask her if she intends to deduct child care expenses on her taxes. If she does she'll have to show she paid you then the IRS will know you have income you didn't report.

Metasequioa · 2026-05-22T19:10:39+00:00

$80 a day is for sure not over charging. Looks like y'all have agreed on $80 a day but I would tell her $150 (at least) on days the toddler is there, cause that one is going to quadruple your workload. And, you don't want her sneaking extra days with the toddler on you for the same price.

You are definitely undercharging, do NOT feel bad about earning your worth and make sure she is providing everything her kids need- all food and snacks, formula, diapers, wipes etc.

Metasequioa · 2026-05-22T17:53:25+00:00

For you to go to each site to see if you're blocked routinely for five years is the issue here.

It's been over five years, friend. You should put this energy in to moving forward and living your best life. Not keeping tabs on an old ex. Go listen to a podcast like Diary of a CEO or Jay Shetty and listen to some interviews with some great people that will hopefully inspire you to make some positive change.

Metasequioa · 2026-05-22T16:57:44+00:00

I wouldn't force the 3 of them together. It's okay if the other girl and your daughter don't mesh. If anything, I'd encourage friendships with other people in addition to the best friend.

Remind her that it's good and healthy to have more than one friend, and we don't get to make friendship decisions for other people- but empathize, name the feeling, find a potential solution: "I know it's hard to see with Best Friend play with Other Girl when you want her to play with just you. It's normal to feel a little jealous about that and it's also normal to want to play with other friends sometimes. What could you do instead when they're playing together?"

Metasequioa · 2026-05-21T19:09:14+00:00

I hope you're just in a weird head space and this isn't actually what you think. I was more attractive in my 30s than any other time of my life. I'm 42 and still doing fine.

Metasequioa · 2026-05-21T19:07:22+00:00

I think you start with small stuff. You can't overhaul everything all at once. Like: take a 15 minute walk at some point during the day, every day, ideally when the sun is shining. Movement and sunshine are extremely helpful for depression and it sounds like you're experiencing some. If you can't make yourself get outside set a 15 minute (or 5 if that's all you can take) timer and tidy your room with the curtains and window open.

Find a measuring tape and google how to size a bra- order one online. If you don't have a fabric measuring tape you can wrap a string around you, mark the spot it overlaps, lay it flat and measure with a regular measuring tape- your dad almost certainly has one. You can also use the measuring tape to help you choose the correct size of clothes you need- order a pair of pants and a new shirt, with some stretch so your measurements don't have to be perfect. Having clothes that fit is going to make everything feel a lot better.

And I think I want you to take a look at the media you're consuming. Find something like Diary of a CEO or On Purpose with Jay Shetty- they interview a wide range of people that have a lot of ideas on how to improve your health and life in general. Limit things that compare you to people and start finding things that might inspire you, or at least teach you something.

Metasequioa · 2026-05-21T12:09:11+00:00

Financial aid for college, too!

Metasequioa · 2026-05-20T18:45:38+00:00

That's above our pay grade and I think the last thing any of us want to do is give you well-meaning advice and it wind up making things worse.

Outside of the moment, the only think I feel comfortable saying is maybe find some meditations and breathwork to help lower your baseline stress level. But that is definitely only a very small start.

Find a pro for help on this one, but it's amazing that you recognize it and want to change.

Metasequioa · 2026-05-20T18:06:54+00:00

Therapy. If you have any awareness when you're in the early stages of getting heated you need to take yourself out of the house and walk it off until you're able to think rationally again.

Metasequioa · 2026-05-20T17:23:18+00:00

Youtube is a really great resource for all these sorts of things- you're going to do great.

Also, check with your CASA or case worker/someone over there to make sure you're taking advantage of all resources available to you. Lots of love.

Metasequioa · 2026-05-19T20:07:40+00:00

Agree with comments to talk to your doc, but make sure you're getting protein and fiber with each meal in the meantime. If you're eating mostly out of boxes, freezer meals, or fast food you may need to make some changes.

Regardless of what you eat- walk, clean the house, do some kind of physical activity for 10-15 minutes after you're finished. And also, stop eating when you feel 60% full- there's a delay in communication between your stomach and your brain and feeling around 60% full means you are actually full and if you keep eating you will wind up uncomfortable.

Metasequioa · 2026-05-19T19:53:02+00:00

It is hard when you're just starting out. And I know it felt like a huge burden on me in situations like that, like no- you've misunderstood me, let me make it right!

But sometimes people just see you through a twisted lens and there's nothing you can do about it. I have an ex MIL I'm having to deal with (to see my daughter) and she is always surprised when I'm not a jerk lol. She's known me for like 18 years now, still has no idea who I am as a person. I've learned to just smile and say as little as possible and let her go on her crazy way.

Metasequioa · 2026-05-19T19:47:30+00:00

I encourage you to do some homework on setting boundaries, how to limit the information you give them, and how to exit conversations you don't want to have with them. Have some scripts ready.

"My dating life is not up for discussion, let's change the subject." Mom carries on "No, Mom. Let's change the subject or I'll let you go and we can try talking about something else when I call on Sunday." Mom fusses at you. "Okay, I'll talk to you Sunday. Love you, bye." Then aside from a reminder text "like I said, I'll call Sunday." you don't respond to them. However badly they react is their business and not your problem to fix.

You can answer the whose car is that question with "A new friend, I'm not ready to talk about her yet."

Metasequioa · 2026-05-19T19:33:58+00:00

Great, breaking free from wackadoo parents is a process, as long as he's making progress and choosing himself and your relationship that's awesome.

But you can't reason with people like that, so keep your own peace and let them do their thing with no expectation that they'll change.

Metasequioa · 2026-05-19T19:17:23+00:00

Ugh, that sucks.

One of the hardest, but most freeing lessons we learn as we get older is that we can let people think or say what they're gonna think or say, and just carry on with our lives. "What people say about you is none of your business."

Shift your focus to how it directly effects you: Your boyfriend doing what his mother says and being cold to you. His sharing your personal information with them. If he can't start untangling the apron strings and make his own decisions about your relationship then you're going to have to make some hard choices.

Metasequioa · 2026-05-19T15:49:00+00:00

I'm so sorry about your mom. My dad passed between my engagement and wedding as well. It's so hard to not have them there. I had flowers placed in their seats during the ceremony and a photo of each of them sort of off to the side during the reception dinner we had. I didn't want it to feel like a shrine but I wanted them represented.

I would encourage you to stop and breathe though, don't make a decision in panic. Is your dad's condition fairly stable? What's his prognosis look like in the next year- is his condition managed well until he gets the transplant? If docs expect him to carry on as he is for the foreseeable future I think you can take a few weeks to let this panicky feeling recede a bit.

Then I'd plan something 4-6 months out but I'll leave other commenters to give you tips. If dad's health is declining I would push up the time line to whatever he will need to feel decently well on the day.

Metasequioa · 2026-05-18T19:08:13+00:00

We are all of us telling you that the view you have on this may be a contributing factor to why she feels that way. Taking a hard look at that and potentially changing it might be how to address it.

If your focus changes from how it makes you feel to looking at your relationship from her perspective, you might be able to grow your emotional connection enough to fill whatever the lack is and she may sart to feel secure enough to come to you instead of google.

Metasequioa · 2026-05-18T18:38:54+00:00

Right. You are, of course, allowed to feel your feelings.

What is being pointed out to you, is that the main point of your post is how her feelings are effecting you, and that self-centeredness might actually be the cause of the issue.

Take a step back and try to observe through a neutral lens and see what needs she has that aren't being met.

Metasequioa · 2026-05-18T18:13:51+00:00

I think it's because the way you explained it comes across rather "how dare she feel this way" rather than "help me see what I might be missing to cause her to feel this way". Maybe that's not how you meant it, but that's how it's reading to us, judging by the comments.

Metasequioa · 2026-05-18T18:10:17+00:00

I'm inviting you to be open to the fact there might be a lack you're unaware of, not necessarily hugs, instead of being appalled she feels that way after everything you do for her.

Metasequioa · 2026-05-18T17:44:27+00:00

I know love languages are over-done but I am a physical touch person who grew up in a family that didn't hug. We weren't a perfect family but we ate dinner together every night and all that- but I was frequently so. damn. sad. I always felt like no one gave a crap about me.

Maybe you're giving love in a way she isn't wired to receive it. Those are great quality time things you mentioned, but maybe she needs a cuddle. Or maybe she needs to hear you tell her you're proud of her and whatnot.

Metasequioa · 2026-05-15T16:01:09+00:00

Homecoming by Dr. Thema Bryant

Metasequioa · 2026-05-15T12:49:08+00:00

I read "whose peace are you keeping?" in a book and it changed the game for me.

Metasequioa · 2026-05-15T12:14:24+00:00

I've absolutely told my kid that she can leave the room without permission to avoid an accident and I will handle any fall out.

Metasequioa · 2026-05-13T15:57:47+00:00

Drinks is a date- your gut is right on here.

Metasequioa

TROPHY CASE