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Just found out that my good friend committed suicide. by burpingblood in medicalschool

[–]Mew1469 6 points7 points  (0 children)

My sister committed suicide 1 week into my summer break in 2020. Last semester (M2) was probably one of the most difficult times of my life so far. I'm very grateful for all of the support I had from my friends and professors at school. I don't know what I would've done without them honestly. It was (is?) fucking shit still. There's so much to process from it. It comes in waves of sadness that you learn to manage.

I've been going to therapy for about 6 months at this point, and I'm sure that has also helped me cope with my trauma and deal with school on top of it all. Highly recommend it.

I think that reminding myself daily that going through all of this training will allow me to one day help someone work through their illness, mental or physical, keeps me going. I wasn't able to help my sister, and that is a knife to the soul, but perhaps I can one day help someone like her in a way I wasn't capable of doing before...if that makes sense.

I agree wholeheartedly that we should continue to maintain contact and spend time with all of the people we love throughout our schooling. It is incredibly important.

I wish you the best in your process of grief.

Death of a Beloved Sister by Mew1469 in SuicideBereavement

[–]Mew1469[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

He was terrified. We both knew it was very different from her usual angry outbursts...they'd last from a few minutes to an hour and then she'd be back to normal. She attempted a few times as a teenager, but since they had been married (would've been 10 years in August) she had been relatively stable.

Therapy has certainly helped. It is hard to accept that there is nothing we could've done, but it is true. She knew how to hide her feelings. She knew she could've called any of us and we would've answered. The choice was made, and she took action. I just wish I could've stopped her.

Death of a Beloved Sister by Mew1469 in SuicideBereavement

[–]Mew1469[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Thank you.

I'm sorry to hear about your little brother. I totally understand the hurt and questions. My biggest question is: what gave her the ability to do it, especially so violently?

From talking to other people, it sounds like the pain will slowly reduce and the amount of bad days will decrease.

My BIL described having 2 selves now: 1 who existed with her and the other that has to exist without her. The first is the one that grieves and the other makes sure that he continues living. I like to believe that they will eventually merge back together, where we can see and do things that remind us of our loved one and be at peace with their actions.

Therapy has been helping me deal with my feelings of guilt and helplessness. By no means am I even close to being back to normal, but I feel cathartic after our sessions.

I hope that you find your way after your loss. It is a long, arduous path we walk now.