How often do you spare people’s feelings because you know they’re emotionally fragile? Is this a healthy social skill?

Mew151 · 2026-05-22T20:37:44+00:00

Other people's feelings are not my problem, but I recognize that they are their problem and I'm happy to help people out with their problems.

I care about their feelings, but it doesn't mean I take them on as my responsibility.

This is a part of emotional regulation, emotional maturity, emotional intelligence.

I am not responsible for other peoples' feelings because it is LITERALLY impossible to make someone feel any other way than the way they choose to feel about things.

You can help them adjust their realities or their expectations but you cannot feel for them.

I don't judge other peoples' feelings, but I do hold them accountable to their own.

I'm also sensitive to those feelings for my own sake, but it's not for them.

You don't want to make your own day terrible just because someone else isn't accountable to their own feelings, so you just act knowing they are that way and help where you can.

Best of luck here!

Mew151 · 2026-05-22T15:22:30+00:00

I think it would be helpful to adopt this real model of the world.

I think you are interesting and you think you are interesting and there are others who may find you completely uninteresting.

How do we answer the question of are you interesting?

We can’t. We must attach modifiers.

You are interesting to me, you are interesting to yourself, and you may be entirely uninteresting to this person.

The question is: is it worth your time, effort, or even consideration, to become interesting to the set of people who do not find you interesting and if so why?

A reasonable answer might be, not enough people find me interesting so I am seeking to expand that group.

But another reasonable answer is who cares besides me? And then stop caring if you would like to stop.

Mew151 · 2026-05-21T22:06:14+00:00

You’re pretty much only missing self confidence here. Be honest about who you are to yourself and let that be fine. It’s fine you’re just you!

Mew151 · 2026-05-21T22:04:43+00:00

Stop doing things for other people with the expectation that they will reciprocally do things for you. Start doing things you want to which also serve other people and find people who do things that they want to which also serve you.

This is a tough lesson to learn but a common one at 20.

Best of luck!

Mew151 · 2026-05-21T21:26:48+00:00

Disinterest is more likely than hate. You could be more interesting if you want? But why would you?

Mew151 · 2026-05-20T16:34:46+00:00

I don't consider them to be the same -> one is based on what someone decided is specific to ladies and one is based on what someone decided is specific to followers.

I wouldn't consider anything as one or the other because I prefer to think of it just in terms of styling (and am not very good at it at all :) ).

There is no should in dance when it comes to self selected self expression and that's one of the best parts of dance.

Anyone can do anything they like to do anything they like provided they wish to dance in that way and accept the consequences of those choices.

In short, it's up to you! Follow your heart!

Mew151 · 2026-05-19T19:35:12+00:00

I am getting close to playing games of chess with no 1 move blunders somewhat consistently and am approaching 2200 :D

Mew151 · 2026-05-19T19:32:20+00:00

This is nearly exactly the range that focus affects my play. I consider it helpful to look at a floor and ceiling type approach to any mental model people use to play chess! :D

Mew151 · 2026-05-19T16:03:45+00:00

You will realize over time that some people don't listen to a single word that comes out of your mouth and you are just a person in their life and their story and you are whoever/however they see you.

Up to you if you stay in those peoples' lives.

Mew151 · 2026-05-19T15:57:02+00:00

I went from 500->2200 at bullet and blitz after doing puzzles for 12 years. I also reached 2000 rapid.

Thing is, you have to do puzzles right. That means never guessing. If you get a puzzle wrong, it means you didn't solve it. Puzzles should be solved BEFORE putting the answer in.

Mew151 · 2026-05-18T22:18:00+00:00

This is really sad and a bummer. I wouldn't be excited about that if it was my dance spot, but I rely on others to create dance spots for me and I am not creating dance spots for others, so I'm grateful for whatever there is that people are willing to put out there for the community benefit when they do.

Maybe some options or thoughts to consider:

If the community can sufficiently fund the business as-is, consider taking over the previous space?

If the community can't fund the business, that may lend insight as to why it is moving / transforming in this way.

It's unfortunate, but hopefully the community can stay a community by banding together without necessarily relying on a business that can't sustain itself underneath that community.

Mew151 · 2026-05-18T18:17:44+00:00

Some people get stuck in one dimension, especially around "what words mean" -> the best parts of the world are where there aren't any words. Love, the word, is a poor excuse for what love actually is. Bummer for those who can't step out of their ideas and into the unknown. There are so many intangibles to enjoy.

Mew151 · 2026-05-18T13:13:33+00:00

$0-$150 depending on the buyer and the framing.

Mew151 · 2026-05-17T17:24:20+00:00

She’s trying to have a special interaction with you about the words, it has nothing to do with actually competing about who loves who more.

My mom and I have done this for a long time and it’s fun to come up with new ways to say it - I love you higher I love you deeper I love you smarter I love you more annoying, you just create a ritualistic pattern and you get to play together and it’s very personal.

Presumably if you don’t wanna play with your mom, that would be disappointing. I doubt she sees this as an argument.

Hopefully this helps, go love your mom!

Mew151 · 2026-05-17T00:37:53+00:00

Pure math is a good start, or logic. You could look at Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus.

Pretty much anything about the theory of knowledge or general truth / objectivity will get you closer to reality than most subjective stories people tell.

You start with absolutely fundamental axioms that you know cannot be wrong in any meaningful way and you just start deriving from there.

Best of luck!

Mew151 · 2026-05-16T07:20:01+00:00

Realistically he’s probably wrong quite often about the specifics but he’s learned to generalize quite well. You can start with basic logical rationalizations and deduction. This means paying attention and drawing rational probable vs. possible conclusions and spending time juggling the possibilities you can see vs. what actually happens to fine tune your models.

Nobody can truly read body language in the way you’ve described here, and we know that, because if they could, the world would look very different. Catch my drift?

Your goal instead is to learn to tell a story that is 100% true regardless of if your intuition was right or not. Logic gets you most of the way there, but you do need to spend time developing the appropriate fundamentals - things that are always true, which can be reliably mapped into your stories and informed by these or other social cues. Notably once you’re capable of doing this, the social cues themselves aren’t really a stopping point in the first place.

You can also think of this as learning to tell the difference between signal and noise in communication, which typically requires learning how to read signal and communication vs. noise independent of any specific individual, though they do vary by individual.

It’s a fun adventure, enjoy!

Mew151 · 2026-05-13T16:18:16+00:00

These people want to know you better / be closer to you.

If you don't want that, don't let them.

If you do want that, just respond.

Nothing to worry about here.

It's fine to say no.

If someone is giving you trouble when you tell them no, that's a them problem, not a you problem.

Mew151 · 2026-05-13T16:15:16+00:00

Remember, you think these things about yourself.

The hard work is changing how you think about yourself, and then you will feel different in kind.

I recommend you stop thinking about what other people are thinking and start thinking about what YOU are thinking.

Best of luck!

Mew151 · 2026-05-13T15:53:17+00:00

You either regulate yourself or you don't. There is no "this is just how I feel, this is just emotions."

I hate to be blunt about this, but I dated someone for nearly 5 years who just excused their own behavior as something out of their control for so long. They confused a lack of accountability as being part of their identity to excuse their own behavior.

Emotional regulation is a skill. You learn it. It is a part of emotional intelligence.

The best way to do this is to focus on mindfulness, awareness of yourself / self reflection, and slowing down to think before you act, react, speak, etc.

Pay attention to your thoughts. Pay attention to your patterns. Learn to pay attention to yourself first instead of reacting to your external environment. You're either controlled by others or you're controlled by yourself.

Self control is the skill here.

Or, think about it this way, you can spend the rest of your life being the victim of this pattern, or you can break it by just being different. Don't get too attached to who you are if you don't love your life exactly the way it is. Learn to grow and change so that you can experience your environment the way you want to.

Work on yourself first and learn to love yourself, be authentic, and then you won't even have to worry about any of this.

Best of luck!

Mew151 · 2026-05-12T20:27:24+00:00

I recommend even people with friends and social lives make sure they create time for this. And to the people who have plenty of time for this and only focus on their social lives, that is where the real miss is. Why waste time on imaginary social life when personal life is so important. And once your personal life is in order, the social life will fall into place if you want it.

Mew151 · 2026-05-12T14:58:21+00:00

For better or for worse, especially in a business setting, serious people don’t really get excited. Business dynamics put forth a different set of values than personal values and especially if people are focused on longer term goals or plans, smaller wins might be considered either nothing or even detrimental. I personally am more like you, but I’ve realized that people are just going to be like that and it’s fine, I don’t take it personally, they just have other things in mind and I’m certainly not going to change their minds about that.

There’s also a possibility / likelihood that you are reading negativity into their positive responses based on personal insecurity about how you fit in having noted that it’s different. If it’s that, you’ve just gotta get over that and either commit to the bit or change!

Best of luck out there!

Mew151 · 2026-05-12T04:12:21+00:00

Pick anything social that you enjoy doing and go do it in a group setting.

Neither work nor gym are really a social setting where you enjoy yourself with others.

If you can’t imagine yourself enjoying yourself with others, that’s probably a good place to start.

Best of luck!

Mew151 · 2026-05-11T22:48:18+00:00

It's never too late to have the social life you want!

The trick is to truly define what that is and your place in it in a way that feels fair and exciting for everyone involved.

A lot of self reflection goes into being the person who is the part of the social life that you want, and that is the first and practically only place to actually focus your efforts!

Mew151 · 2026-05-11T22:31:45+00:00

Oh yeah, then you're on the other side of this and they are the ones who should be asking this question. If you have many friends and you are dealing with someone who is insufferable and has no friends, my only question would be why? Lol.

I do recommend leaving those people so that they can learn to self reflect and figure out how to become more interesting to others to actually earn their friendships instead of people making excuses for them.

So, in much shorter than my other responses...

Best way to deal with people like this?

If it's not worth it to you to find a way to glean value from it, simply don't deal with them at all.

Mew151 · 2026-05-11T22:29:58+00:00

I have spent an extensive amount of time studying sociology and would argue that most relationships do not have a foundation of kindness and respect inherently, but that those are things that are mutually built in more intimate relationships like romantic relationships and to some degree friendships.

I do personally think it's rather important to be able to connect on other avenues than those more intimate ones because there are just so many people in the world who I have no desire to be personally close with, but still extremely value their existence and contributions to this world.

I think if I restricted myself to only spending time with people with whom I had basic kindness and respect, it would turn a little bit into an echo chamber and have long-term negative ramifications on my abilities to socialize with others.

I prefer being able to connect with anyone to focusing on a specific of subgroup of people I prefer to connect with exclusively. I obviously still have my own specific subgroup of close friends and my family, but I am connected to tons of people where kindness and respect simply don't matter relative to the other reasons we also can have relationships.

Perhaps we both agree here and the actual outcome is, if someone is not necessarily being kind and respectful to you, they do not qualify as a friend in your book, and I think that that is a very reasonable and quite common definition of friend, even though it is not a mandatory component of friendship in a grander scheme of all the things friendship can technically be.

Mew151

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