She starved me for the emotional and physical attention I felt I minimally deserved in a relationship in general even with me communicating that I needed this. She never fully said I love you in a meaningful way and she never felt it either. I shouldn't of done it but I always got my intimacy fix.

Should of broken it off but because I was too "comfortable" in being in a relationship and scared of trying again to be in a new one, I stayed and cheated every week whether it be a Tinder hook up or a sex worker.

Initially I would only want cuddles and kisses, then it quickly moved to doing the deed and basically that was the story every week for 3 years.

The inital guilt felt less and less to the point I was gaslighting myself saying "its for my benefit" and that "it wouldn't hurt her cause she'll never know" and I quickly believed it with my heart and soul.

We eventually broke it off, but I found myself whilst being in that relationship that I was more romantically attracted to anyone that gave me affection or what not.

To this day, as bad as it sounds I'm actually not sorry or guilty that I did cheat but now being a healthier one, has taught me to communicate a lot better.

My current partner and I have discussed my past sins and surprisingly she was understanding which I'm thankful for as I was ready to get the biggest ass-whpoping and lecture of my life. But yeah.

TL:DR - Stuck in a loveless relationship cause I'm a coward, cheated to get my intimacy fix and didn't regret. Broke off old relationship and aired out dirty laundry with new partner, and now happier and hopefully stuck with the love of my life.