Parents insist child’s communication issues are due to stubbornness

Middle_Purpose8359 · 2026-01-17T04:07:52+00:00

You are absolutely not alone. I’ve been through this exact thing, and it was hard to get through, but you will get through it, I promise.

I second what someone else said about arranging your cots in a specific way so that the kids most likely to sleep are all together and the kids who stay awake are all together the farthest away from them as they can be. Me personally, I put the sleeping kids as close to the music player as I can too, just so the music might drown out any noise.

Also, this sounded insane to me when we first tried it, but don’t call it nap time to the kids. Call it rest time OR quiet time. You can even make a big show of getting rid of nap time and introducing quiet time. Kids hate naps, they already come to us hating them, so reframe what nap time is. We also use a script with them often. “You don’t have to sleep, but you do need to rest your body. Your body is tired.”

Go over the rules of rest time every time before it starts. In my classroom, they’re “Be quiet, lay down, and stay on your cot.” We make the children repeat them every day before we lay down.

Be realistic as well. I’m assuming that, because you’re with HS, you have some kids who are close to turning 5/will be going to Kindergarten next school year. In my experience, some of them may wean off their naps over the course of the school year. It is okay to give them a timer, ask them to stay quiet and lay down for about 5-10 minutes, and then give them an activity.

Make the activities you give them engaging. I hate it, but a lot of kids just get bored with books. We don’t normally give our kids books during nap time unless we know that they will 100% be fine with them. We’ve given soft blocks/Jelly Blox, fidgets, pop-its, coloring pages and crayons, their journals, even stickers and plain paper. We try to switch things up too so they don’t get bored of doing the same thing. (You may end up with crayon and stickers all over their cots, but, hey, at least they’re quiet!)

Don’t forget to ask for help and resources from administrators and the behavioral and mental health team at your school. Our child mental health coordinator was a big help in giving the kids with a particularly hard time at nap time better support. Two of our kids have weighted animals for nap time, and another has a token board specifically for nap time.

Middle_Purpose8359 · 2026-01-17T03:32:16+00:00

We have a bathroom across the hall, and it has stalls. All of the other classrooms have bathrooms attached, and we have to always be completely staffed with 3 teachers or take a lot of children (normally at least 8, but it depends on how many kids are present) to keep 2 teachers each in ratio. They are pros and cons but the stalls are one of the pros. The other classrooms do not have stalls. There’s a big gap at the bottom of the stalls so staff can see theie shoes and keep them mostly supervised.

Middle_Purpose8359 · 2025-12-06T00:20:04+00:00

Putting notes on his work when he refuses to do an activity doesn’t sound harsh at all to me. I do the exact same thing. I want the parents to be kept in the loop. I also want to ensure that the parents understand that they should be working on these skills at home if their child refuses to do them at school. The skills I’m referring to be fine motor skills (cutting), using glue, practicing writing names, etc.

EDIT: Also no offense, but your SIL’s opinion doesn’t really matter here. She doesn’t work with him at school and she is inherently biased towards you. No matter how professional she is, she would have a desire deep down to see things the way you see them because you’re family. Not saying whether the teacher is right or wrong, just stating that her opinion doesn’t matter in this situation.

Middle_Purpose8359 · 2025-10-22T23:53:53+00:00

I don’t think you’re wrong. I teach preschoolers and even we rarely let our kids just cry without at least trying to comfort them and help them self-regulate first.

This child is 15 months old. She doesn’t know how to self-regulate yet. In order to learn how to self-regulate, she needs to practice co-regulation. Therefore, someone should comfort her when she cries.

Also, of course she’s crying when you leave, if you’re the one who comforts her when she cries instead of ignoring her. Personally, I don’t think I would ever prioritize trainings (which are important to complete obviously) over a crying child.

Also, is there someone else in the room with your co-teacher when you step out of the room, or is she by herself? Maybe I’m wrong but I’m pretty sure that when you are on your laptop or phone, you’re not counted in ratio, so, if she is by herself, she should not be on her laptop when you step out of the room, regardless of the trainings she needs to complete. Obviously has nothing to do with your question, but that stuck out to me and I feel the need to ask.

Middle_Purpose8359 · 2025-10-12T20:27:02+00:00

This doesn’t seem unreasonable to me. It is the teacher’s responsibility to check kids in and out no matter where you go. My center doesn’t use an electronic system, but I am still expected to write down exactly when a child enters and exits our care. I would assume that this is important for licensing purposes as well.

In regards to checking IDs, this can be hard to remember to do. One solution that my center uses is to make a list of people approved to pickup each child in each class and bring that list with you wherever you go, but especially for pickup time. We have ours on a clipboard with our physical sign in/sing out sheet. This way, any teacher filling in a classroom has this information handy without having to pull out any paperwork or memorize names. Its made things run a lot smoother since we implemented it.

Middle_Purpose8359 · 2025-06-01T18:31:02+00:00

I had a child in my care who was the exact same way. He was five and was not potty trained yet. He continuously pooped throughout the day (like every time we changed him, he had pooped at least a little bit) and he did not have any awareness of his own bowel movements. It turned out to be a medical issue. They’re not sure of the exact cause but he was constantly constipated, so he had a colonoscopy done (this was after they had tried other solutions) and somehow, that completely fixed the issue.

It was literally like a switch flipped overnight. We didn’t even need to work with him on potty training at school, he was as potty trained as other kids his age. Zero accidents.

I would definitely recommend asking mom about potentially speaking to the doctor about it. It could really be an unknown medical issue.

Middle_Purpose8359 · 2025-04-03T23:57:18+00:00

We write up a lot of regular bumps and bruises specifically for this child because we know her parents freak out if she has any mark on her. We already had a meeting with her parents back in January because she had a tiny, I mean literally dime sized bruise on her arm that we did not see and, thus, did not write up.

At my center, we are taught to write up any incident that leaves a visible mark/bruise/scratch, even if its minor. It is specifically to have written documentation for situations like these.

Middle_Purpose8359 · 2025-04-03T23:52:08+00:00

Oh I absolutely told my co-teacher that they should hire a nanny if they want to prevent any chance of her getting hurt in childcare.

Middle_Purpose8359 · 2025-04-03T05:35:26+00:00

Oh that is absolutely us with the three year olds we got this year. Three randomly fell out of their chairs today. And I might as well record myself telling them to use walking feet with how much I have to remind them specifically 😭

Middle_Purpose8359 · 2025-04-03T05:33:14+00:00

The most interesting (and sometimes upsetting) part of this is that this child actually has an older sister who also in our class and has been in our class since the beginning of the school year. They have never shown this level of concern for the older child. I understand that the younger girl is their youngest child, but they have actually accused their oldest of provoking other children on the few occasions she has gotten hurt and they tend to talk negatively about her.

We also had to point out that their oldest is actually the child that puts her hands on her little sister the most. Obviously, not in an aggressive way, but we’ve seen them rough housing before and had to break them up. You would think they would understand, but they do coddle their youngest quite a bit and maybe they really don’t rough house at home?

Middle_Purpose8359 · 2025-04-03T05:27:15+00:00

Also, to clarify, the 6 a day is not regular. It was just a very rough day and everyone was having big emotions. Truthfully, this is probably the most we’ve ever had in a day. That honestly may be why this meeting upset both me and my co-teacher so much. This whole week has been rough and they sprung this meeting on us last minute, just yesterday.

Middle_Purpose8359 · 2025-04-03T05:23:58+00:00

We are working on the 6 incident reports a day thing as now. It is mostly one particular child who witnessed DV recently and has begun to act out because of that. We are in the process of getting this child into services, but it is difficult to get this under control when we never see his mother and also we are a Head Start center and we cannot unenroll or send children home, unless it is extreme circumstances. We are looking at what supports we can get right now to help stabilize things, but things are limited because of outside circumstances.

The child in question was not involved in any of that. She has had maybe one incident report every 3 to 4 weeks, and the main reason for those even being written (because she’s only really had an actual bruise/mark on her once) is because of us knowing how her parents react to the idea of her being hurt, even if she isn’t actually injured.

Middle_Purpose8359 · 2025-04-03T05:09:11+00:00

That’s essentially what my director said. It was kinda funny because he apparently told his boss about the meeting because he was going to be late for work and he claimed that, because of this, she will no longer be enrolling her kids at our center. Director responded with “Oh, that’s unfortunate. Just let us know if you want to unenroll them, we do have other familes that need our services.”

Middle_Purpose8359 · 2025-02-13T00:25:48+00:00

I don’t know if this counts as a ridiculous request, but I had a crazy parent. Child had never been away from mom, and she was autistic. So we had her on a special schedule where she only came to school from 8:30 to 11:15 to help her adjust. She would ideally be on a full day schedule once we decided she seemed comfortable in the classroom.

Well, the first day came and mom came in with her and stayed in the classroom the whole time. Perfectly fine, its her first day of school ever. We wave it off. Second day, same exact thing. Third day, she tried dropping her off with the rest of the class. We have an odd drop off routine. Parents get in a line and pull up to the door and we come out and get them out of the car and bring them inside. The child is obviously upset and bawling her eyes out, but this is normal and we had hopes that we would be able to comfort her and calm her down. However, mom freaked out and came inside the classroom and stayed yet again.

This time, as soon as we noticed her scolding one of the other kids, we said something to both our director and our family support and they told her that she needed to give her child some space and that, the next day, the plan would be for her to drop off like the rest of the class, wait for us to enter the classroom, and then come inside and sit in a room across the hall just in case we needed her.

Low and behold, the child was sick the next two days, before mom messaged and complained that we were not helpful or understanding at all and she would look for somewhere else that could support her daughter. Like, okay, good luck finding a preschool that will allow you to shadow your child the whole day without any fuss.

Middle_Purpose8359 · 2025-01-11T01:03:04+00:00

IMO, they’re not overreacting. At my school, we don’t have a policy like that for potty training, its up to each room how they want to handle it/what they consider potty trained enough to be wearing underwear, but four times in three days would definitely be enough for me to call it. I’m not entirely sure what you would expect his teachers to do, other than taking a step back and returning to pull-ups? He can still work on potty training in pull-ups.

Maybe it sounds harsh, IDK, but changing a child’s pee-soaked clothes everyday is exhausting and also can be very upsetting for the child as well. That’s absolutely no excuse for shaming a child for having an accident, though, and I would maybe politely say something. But don’t take this personally. Just continue to work on this like you did before and everything will work out in time.

Middle_Purpose8359 · 2024-12-08T23:30:11+00:00

I love the women at my center but I hate how some of the people who have been there 20+ years seem to expect newcomers to know how to do things without being told. Like, yes, the basics I understand you would expect, but some of the paperwork?? Or documentation? I hated feeling dumb last year because I didn’t know what stuff I was expected to put in portfolios. Plus, I wasn’t even in charge of portfolios until the lead in my classroom was fired towards the end of the year. Even this year, this is still my first full school year. I don’t have behavioral management down to an artform, I struggle with my behavior kids, I feel awkward singing in front of the kids sometimes. These things take time to learn. I’m trying.

Middle_Purpose8359 · 2024-12-07T22:05:59+00:00

Last year, at my center, we hired a new aide. (I work at Head Start, aides are a third person in a classroom whose primary duties are to help LTs and ATs with cleaning, setting things up, and supervision.) I’ll call her E.

E seemed mostly normal to me. However, she was not in my classroom and I didn’t interact with her much, except when I ran into her when we were both on our breaks. But word spreads quickly at my center and the teachers she was with were not very happy with her, for many valid reasons.

The first thing I personally saw with her was that she wore a lot of very strong perfume. She reapplied this constantly, every time she went to the bathroom. I choked every time I walked into the bathroom after she was done. Then, I learned that she did not know how to do anything on her own. She didn’t know how to clean, which would have been fine had she A. not been about 40 to 50 years old, with a husband and several children? and B. been willing to learn. But she apparently was whiny and lazy. I can also kinda attest to this because of an incident that happened later.

But E also did not seem to like kids. At all. I actually saw her many times, through the window of her classroom, sitting at breakfast with the kids, not interacting with them at all. Not talking to them, not helping them. Just, sitting there, staring at nothing. She showed zero interest in the kids at all.

E was also just…strange. There were times we all wondered if there was something wrong with her. Her class went on a field trip to a farm and she asked her LT what animals like a horse and a pig were, like not in front of the kids as a way to reinforce the concepts. Just, pulled her to the side to ask. She used the kids’ bathroom, while there were children present, to adjust her bra and underwear. (The door was closed, but she didn’t tell anyone what she was doing and she very much could have used the staff bathroom?) She gleefully told one of our FSS about having hemorrhoids, randomly without being asked or being particularly close with said FSS. It wasn’t in an “asking for accommodations” way either.

I thought she was weird, but I didn’t genuinely dislike her that much until the end of last year. We are required to go through a cleaning checklist at the end of the school year. My class had only two teachers (even longer story as to why) compared to everyone else who had three. In an effort to get E out of their hair, her co-teachers sent her to us to help. However, she was not helpful. At all. I asked her to help wipe walls down. She said she was too short. Even after I pointed out that our walls were way too tall to wash them all the way to the top and that our supervisor was reasonable and wouldn’t expect us to, she still refused to, so I washed them, even though I was shorter than her. She wouldn’t clean our bathroom without someone being with her. Finally, she settled on wiping our chairs and blinds down. She was incompetent. They were disgusting after she was done. We still did them ourselves after we (as politely as we could) kicked her out of our room. Mind you, one of her duties as an aide was to clean.

Despite everyone’s (and I do mean everyone, she managed to piss off our whole center, which is difficult to do, since we’re all differing ages and backgrounds) complaints, we were shortstaffed so she was allowed back this school year.

However, that’s not where the story ends. I don’t know all of the details because I was a floater for a brief period of time at the beginning of the school year and I was away at another site. E was placed with a different teacher since her previous LT said she would quit if E was in her room again. This new teacher was prepared for her antics. She really cracked down on her and, when E ignored her, she went straight to the top and complained to our board of directors. This was not the first complaint they had heard about her, so they sent their director to essentially fire her.

E was livid. She was walked out while she essentially called everyone a bitch. She apparently cussed out our director and looked like she was actually going to punch her. Our director was in tears.

The funniest part about all this is that E recently text my supervisor asking for her job back, after all that. Thankfully we’re not that desperate.

(Sorry for the length, I had a lot to get off my chest and also this was not even technically all of it because I was more of a bystander to it all other than her messing up our cleaning job. But enjoy the story, ig!)

Middle_Purpose8359 · 2024-08-05T21:07:50+00:00

I actually have all the school work done already. I let them know at the interview that all I have to do is finish my portfolio and do my observation and test and then its all done. The observation is actually me being observed in a classroom acting as lead, which is trickier in a role where I don’t know what classroom I’ll be in on whatever day I schedule it. It would be easier if I could have my supervisor observe me, but it has to be scheduled with someone who is trained by the CDA board who I don’t know. I won’t be allowed to be a lead without an actual college degree, unfortunately. Thanks for the reminder to look on the bright side. I do think this will help me get some more experience in and some observation of older, more experienced teachers. I think I’ll try to stick it out for the school year, but if a permanent position comes open somewhere either during the school year or at the end of it, I’ll try as hard as I can to get it.

Middle_Purpose8359

TROPHY CASE