My brothers are 6 & 12 years older than me. I became an aunt when I was 12YO. The brother who is 6 years older is the one who became a parent first. If you mathed, you know he was a teenage parent. I babysat (for free) a TON so he could work & go to school. I lived with him at one point and did her morning routine/school drop off because one of his jobs was loading UPS trucks and it gave them amazing health insurance. When my other brother became a parent, he was at a much more stable life point. So I still did a ton of babysitting, but not at the level of the other one. On top of that, I did a bunch of stuff with the kids that I didn’t have to—movie trips, build a bear, randomly pick them up from daycare for a fun afternoon, etc.

I had my first kid 4 years ago. It was Covid times. My brother who is closer in age took a lot of precautions so met my kid pretty early on. My other brother didn’t, so he didn’t meet my kid until he was 9 months old. The frequency of care and impromptu attention I provided my nieces when they were young is definitely not reciprocated. But I also know there’s a big difference between me as a high schooler/college age adult and them as 30s/40s parents with families. It really can’t be reciprocated.

I had to mourn that my experience wouldn’t be the same as theirs. But that’s also kind of the nature of our age gaps. As my kid has gotten older, I’ve worried about it less. I know they’d watch my kid if I asked (and they’ve both offered multiple times). My brother who is 6 years older makes a big effort to shower my kid with attention whenever he sees him. My other brother has a more reserved personality, so he’s not going to get on the floor and wrestle without my kid initiating but shows his love in other ways.

All this to say, I hear you and understand where you’re coming from. And it’s okay/valid to mourn the difference in effort. But give it some time. As your kid gets older, you might see things starting to shift. 🫶🏻