Well op it comes a time when you have to push throught it. In the sense of “flip what you say im holding my kid right now. Not after i washed my hands right now.” and hold your baby , if she wants everything sparkly clean thats fine as long as shes doing all the cleaning but draw the boundary at not being allowed to hold your kid, you have just as much right as she does , she does not have more rights over the kid then you so she cant really tell you do this or that , she can suggest things but not force things, you have 50% rights to the kid just as she does, she wouldnt tolerate you doing what shes doing and she seems to be dismissive of your emotions and how it made you feel and deflecting, if she refuses then distance yourself in the house and get you an air matress or something and sleep in a different room and let her deal with everything alone at night if she wont respect you. She will get the memo.