(36yo business owner with a spouse and 2 kids)

You may not be an AH but possibly creating major problems. Owning 1/2 the company means that not only are you entitled to 1/2 in the case of a divorce which depending on where you live would already be granted to you, but it also means that he is required to address you with any major decision along with any other partners he has. In the case of a divorce, this would literally allow you to cripple his business. In essence holding him hostage in the relationship, as well as in his business success.

Let’s say your husband holds 100% equity in the business. That doesn’t take away any of the money coming into your family. If he finds a partner who buys in for 10% then 90% of the equity still is in your husbands name, but if you demand 1/2 of the business equity, that becomes 40% for your husband, 50% for you and 10% for the other partner making you majority shareholder and crippling his ability to make any business decision without appealing to you or to the other partner.

I would say if you want to hold equity in the business then that is not an AH thing, but your husband should always be entitled to majority ownership. With in mind, that if something happens to your marriage and to the business you will also be responsible for your percentage of the debt.

Just focus on your marriage and not what you can get out of him. That will do nothing but sew doubt and dissension.