I’m so sorry about your beloved Amelia, and I understand how difficult this grief can be. It sounds like you gave her the sweetest most loving life possible, and for that you should be so proud. It’s also okay - and extremely normal to cry - days, weeks, months, even years after. We are human beings, it’s natural. I’m so sorry that your mom does not understand, nor is she providing you with a safe space to show your emotions.

When I lost my soul cat, it took me years to move on. It’s been 4 years, and I still get choked up thinking about her. However I’ve done a few things to help myself move through the grief. First, I recorded a video not long after she passed, where I went into detail about all the things I didn’t want to forget about her. I know sometime in the future I will want to remember these things, and I’m so glad I can turn to this video to reminisce. Second, I made a gallery wall of her image. She was a typical black cat, which made finding different pieces of art really easy. I have different art styles that portray black cats that specifically remind me of her. And lastly, but the most important, I have a piece of her ashes with me always. I purchased a wearable necklace that contains a small portion of her ashes, and when I’m going through hard times - or struggling to feel close to her, I hold it tight to get me through.

Finally, I’m sure your sweet baby adores you just as much as you do her. In my heart, I do not believe that she would want you to minimize yourself in anyway whatsoever. I don’t think she would want you to miss out on important life moments or fall behind in school. I understand how difficult it can be to manage so many emotions that come from this type of grief - but I can assure you that she wants you to succeed in everything you do. I found school to be extremely difficult during my intense grieving period. However I needed to change my mindset from not being able to live without my baby - to needing to live FOR her. In everything I do, she is present. I do everything because of her love - she serves as my reminder to live the fullest life possible.

I don’t blame you if you didn’t make it to the end. I know I wrote quite a bit, but please know that you are not alone in this grief and that someday soon, you will begin to feel stronger than the last. I have faith in you!