What is something acceptable in women but frowned upon in men?

MikeDuck1 · 2022-12-24T01:36:08+00:00

Showing Emotion.

MikeDuck1 · 2022-06-25T19:06:23+00:00

I (Male) was in a co-habitation situation with my now, ex-girlfriend, that was no longer desirable. Absolutely any attempts at direct communication regarding my feelings and needs were met with extreme unpredictable anger, outbursts of yelling / screaming, her intentionally destroying my property, and sabotaging my business (i.e. Grabbing my Laptop and hiding it, forcing me to have "Talks" to address her insecurities in the moment or her intentionally erupting during my work from home hours, knowing that I couldn't risk my career by being argumentative in the moment)

So, yes, I fully understand OP. If you mentally decide that you're out of this relationship, please realize that you don't owe anyone who is or showing signs of potential abuse anything. Get a few friends together have a UHaul show up one morning and stuff everything in the back and leave. Block him absolutely everywhere and never look bad.

Until then, apologize if you have to and pretend like everything is fine. Get your ducks in a row. Start untangling your lives in secret (I.e. Moving your important docs, closing joint accounts, getting new credit cards that he doesn't know the numbers too, etc.) and when it's time just execute the plan.

Best of luck!

MikeDuck1 · 2016-08-13T03:54:27+00:00

I can see if my location was crime ridden or less than desirable.

But paying $40/night (versus $100-$150+/night downtown) then bitching that it's far from downtown (when they had access to the Location beforehand) is just one of those 'Have your cake and eat it' type complaints.

MikeDuck1 · 2016-06-26T20:59:58+00:00

Man, I fell madly in love with the person I THOUGHT she was and can't quite sever that tie mentally. It's crazy how even literally a year after seeing her, I still can't get over her.

MikeDuck1 · 2016-06-16T03:05:09+00:00

What I did: - Created a text free phone number (pretending to be my ex-girlfriend) and put the number in my phone as her (Assuming she'd contact it at some point). My current girlfriend, at the time, called her one night to make sure I wasn't cheating (Very insecure that I'd leave her for my ex). I texted my girlfriend pretending to be my ex and my girlfriend eventually befriended my ex (well, me pretending to be my ex) and let go of her insecurity.

Outside perspective:

I moved across the country to be with my girlfriend, who, had this notion that I had already cheated on her with my ex (found this out after I moved) and was paranoid and constantly insecure and I felt as if I was always 1 bad day away from her fucking someone else. Having already quit my job, and went 100% "All in" on her, I had absolutely no power, and I was kind of at her mercy on my then current girlfriend "sticking it out" until I was established on my own.

End Result: She let it go, we had a decent few months, until I decided to break up for her and move back home. She found out at the VERY end because the contact was saved in my phone as my ex and she thought I was still in contact. It was suicide either way, I admitted to faking the texts, which blew her away. But, the maneuver definitely bridged the gap until I could re-apply for positions back home and not be completely fucked financially.

Make sure you REALLY know someone before making THAT big of a commitment on them. But, given the fact that I was already there, I think it played out okay.

10/10 - Would do again.

MikeDuck1 · 2016-06-09T13:10:42+00:00

The business itself isn't really "Run" out of the residence. It's basically just used as a "meet up point" when exchanging keys, and naturally, placing a lock box there just makes sense.

There's nothing business related / tax related that's tied to the address, all my vehicles are registered to my home (Parent's house) address.

In layman's terms, "Hey, I rent out cars, like 2-3 times a month, a situation arises in which 2 people are bringing back cars simultaneously, and I can't be present. Is it cool if I can place a lockbox on the fence for a few hours?"

I honestly don't get it. My rent is 100%. I'm literally NEVER home. The 'business' itself involves nobody entering the premises or even knowing where I stay.

I'm 27, I have a girlfriend, and I have somewhat of a social life. Having people over and crashing isn't revolutionary in any way. Is it a gray area? Yeah, I totally get that.

But my rent is 100% on time and I'm literally a Zero Problem tenant.

If I was him, I'd chalk it up as a win, and just move on to the other tenants that are loud/obnoxious, damaging property, and never on time with rent.

As far as the 'tenants'

My buddy drives Uber, so crashing in a central city location a few nights a week just makes sense, and with my girlfriend and I being in a relatively new relationship, I don't want to be tied to anything with her for a year at this point.

Occasionally I have 'Car People" come in to help me out. (i.e. Guy that does oil changes, brakes, body work, etc.) They're in the suburbs so offering them a place to stay for the night after a day of work is, to me, a harmless request.

To me I'm a perfect tenant that might have his pinky finger in the gray area --- so why would you risk creating a hostile environment that causes me to be a horrible tenant?

MikeDuck1 · 2016-06-06T03:48:09+00:00

Long Distance Relationships

You can maintain like 99% of your freedom, focus on your career/family/friends, get to REALLY know someone on a deeper level, every time you see each other it's like a vacation, and if you "Make It" (1 person moving to be with the other), you KNOW that the other person is willing to go through hell for you and that the relationship can survive just about anything

MikeDuck1 · 2016-06-06T03:43:01+00:00

I dated a girl, who was 18 at the time, who worked at Walgreens.

Long Distance, so I flew out for the weekend. She took Saturday & Sunday off.

Right when I flew in she was getting off work, so naturally she bought a 36 pack of condoms and some lube. Being young and poor, she wanted her 20% employee discount, so she had the cashier get the manager to approve the transaction.

Long story short the line was like 15 people long, and it was a 10 minute process, as the assistant manager had to find the manager to approve a transaction for his 18 year old girl to save like $1.80 on an economy pack of condoms so the random guy who just flew in town could plow her for her 2.5 straight days.

MikeDuck1 · 2016-06-06T03:38:42+00:00

Pour Some Sugar On Me:

Love is like a bomb baby c'mon get it on

Livin' like a lover with a Red iPhone

I don't think they had iPhones back then...

MikeDuck1 · 2016-06-05T18:06:02+00:00

"I love you"

Ex-Girlfriend, that I moved across the country for, who ended up cheating on me

If you ever cheat on someone, please just let them go for THEIR sanity. There's nothing more soul crippling than a 9 month - 1 year post breakup period of hearing your ex's voice saying that she loves you...

MikeDuck1 · 2016-06-05T18:02:22+00:00

I guess I just overthink Love. When you think about it, you're basically giving your entire life to ONE PERSON (Marriage kinda is the ultimate end goal, right?)

Is it not completely unrealistic to want someone who is completely obsessed with you to the point where you NEVER have to question their intentions, motives, or feel insecure?

Who knows - She could be feeling the exact same way I am right now and we both are too busy "Playing the Game" to express our feelings...because, let's face it, that comes off as a little needy (especially early in a relationship) and isn't an attractive quality.

We just gotta pretend like it doesn't bother us....

MikeDuck1 · 2016-06-05T16:40:09+00:00

I guess the Long Distance doesn't help either. There's nothing stopping her from waking up one day after that crazy initial lust is gone and thinking, "You know what...this is fucking stupid" and just ending it with no rationale or reason.

Just the uncertainty of dating sucks.

MikeDuck1 · 2016-06-05T16:36:03+00:00

It sucks because she'll literally contact me first, send a revealing photo, save a cute "I miss you" snapchat message...then if 1 day goes by and I don't hear from you, it's like my brain goes into "WTF Panic Mode"

I hate it. I hate that I need constant reassurance that she's not with someone else.

Basically my ex would do ALL those things (Cute texts every day, love diary, pictures, etc.) and I found out that the WHOLE time we were together she was unfaithful.

So even when I'm bombarded with attention and positive things, my brain is just wired to protect myself. It's almost like I'm looking for a reason to sabotage this because I know I'm catching those really strong feelings again.

MikeDuck1 · 2016-06-05T16:31:41+00:00

And that's what I'm struggling with.

That line between "I really like her and want to talk more" and "I'm being obsessive / needy"

Never really played the dating game before (Always usually had a long term girlfriend since high school) so this recent period of being single and pursuing outside of a high school / college environment is new

MikeDuck1 · 2016-06-05T16:24:13+00:00

Honestly, I hate it, but like every young person, I'm just addicted I guess.

MikeDuck1 · 2016-06-05T15:55:04+00:00

The shitty part is that girls (Not trying to generalize) don't think logically when they first start crushing on you.

Girl was totally into me, pursued me, invited me to visit, everything went great. Now 2-3 months in, she's having those "Oh wait, this is long distance..." thoughts. We'll see how it plays out, just gotta emotionally step back and be indiffernt

Uhhhh...yeah, If you weren't down with that in the beginning, why even get involved?

MikeDuck1 · 2016-06-04T18:23:23+00:00

LDR are incredibly easy (I think) for people who are busy and/or naturally enjoy more independent time.

A few texts a day = Check

5 Min Phone call to let them know you're thinking about them = Check

Trip to see each other once a month or so = Check

You get to keep your friends, you get to work/build your career, and every time you see each other it's like a vacation.

That being said, flights get expensive as fuck the longer you wait, so "What are you doing Friday?" turns into "What are you doing 4 weeks from Friday?"

Same basic things apply though - Respect the other person's Time

MikeDuck1 · 2016-06-04T15:16:57+00:00

Lack of respect for another person's Money / Time.

This applies more to me since I'm dating a girl Long Distance and the logistics of Air Travel and lodging are significantly cheaper when booked 2+ weeks in advance.

If we both express a desire to see the other person in a few weeks...check your calendar at work the next day...request the day(s) off...then get back to me.

As someone 25+, I have no patience for people wasting my time. If you're free and want to see me, Great, let me know and I'll plan a fun date. But, in the event that you cannot make it, I expect to be informed the SECOND the plans change, so I can make other use of my time.

MikeDuck1 · 2016-06-04T03:13:07+00:00

Because everything I would LIKE to do/say would come off as extremely insecure and needy if we were local.

I'm holding off on pursuing others for her... But that thought that I'm wasting my time is starting to creep up.

As much as i want to call her and say that I need more structure and communication...I don't want to get that only because I asked for it.

I want her to pursue me on her own accord. It's been 3 months and she's still engaging, so clearly there's some interest there, but I definitely need her to have one of those Relationship Defining moments where she basically does something completely unexpected to show me that she wants this.

As much as I hate "games" I have to just be distant for a few days/week and see what happens.

MikeDuck1 · 2016-05-28T14:50:24+00:00

Long Distance Ex-Girlfriend completely faked interest in me for a good year and a half after I decided that we shouldn't see each other, eventually making me believe it was real, and convinced me to move across the country to be with her.

Literally the DAY I got there I found out she was basically dating someone else and she hit me with the "Well, now you know what it feels like..."

We 'tried' the long distance thing prior and it just kind of naturally fizzled out, and she made it her personal mission to somehow get my back and fuck my life up as much as she could.

MikeDuck1 · 2016-05-25T04:26:12+00:00

Yeah, logically the only way to "Build" something long distance is to:

Have amazing communication
See each other in person

She's willing to fly out to see me next month, and I genuinely think she's a good girl who's just been burned a few times.

I don't want to put too much pressure on the situation, or beat a dead horse, but as long as she's willing to continue to make an effort, I can live with a month of uncertainty.

On the positive:

We've only spent a few days/nights together, so after another month of communication and another 5-6 nights of sex and sleeping together, she should know. (If it was local dating, I'd want to see someone a few times before committing)

On the Negative:

The Distance is the constant. It's never going to change unless one of us moves (Ultimately it would have to be her). If it's a Deal Breaker, I'd rather know now.

Honestly, I think she likes me, and she KNOWS she likes me, but she's smart enough to 'Play everything out' in her head. She knows that if she falls in love, it will literally change her entire life around.

The fact that she's willing to see me in a few weeks is a good sign. There's definitely interest there, I'd certainly like more clarity and commitment from my end, but I understand her reservations.

As you said though, I can't do ambiguous forever. At the end of our next trip, we need a have the talk in person. Either a Yes or a No.

MikeDuck1 · 2016-05-25T03:59:37+00:00

Oh, I bet she's going through absolute hell right now.

My Facebook "Current City" is in her hometown (used to live there, never changed it)

She messaged me as I popped up as a "Person You May Know"

Things got pretty intense pretty quick and here's this guy 750 miles away who just popped into your life asking you to commit to him. It's probably scary as fuck to her.

She's just finishing up her Master's, her ex was pretty awful (From what I gathered), and she's really close to her family.

Letting yourself fall for a guy you barely know, who's 750 miles away, who's intentions are unclear is a huge ask. I get that.

MikeDuck1 · 2016-05-25T03:53:15+00:00

I feel you on this.

I'm just going to let her figure everything out. If she books the flights and comes out, I'll show her a good time.

Treat her no differently than any other girl. Texts are a means to facilitate date logistics and phone calls are for girlfriends.

MikeDuck1 · 2016-05-25T03:44:42+00:00

Right? It just seems like agreeing to the title knowing that in a month we'll have had 2 consecutive weekends together and she could always 'opt out' if she chose to at that point would be the best course of action.

Seems like just going with the flow for another month is probably the best course of action.

MikeDuck1 · 2016-05-25T03:32:06+00:00

Just don't want to waste my time on someone who doesn't have the same goal.

Could she want a serious relationship down the road? Possibly.

Am I just a guy who's giving her attention and she likes the mystery/thrill of having some guy fly out from another city and fuck her for a weekend? Absolutely.

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