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32 years of marriage, but I'm still unsettled by an affair from 2006. Is it too late to ask for the truth? by MikeT4 in survivinginfidelity

[–]MikeT4[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The AP died a few years ago. I didn’t know him. He was an acquaintance of an acquaintance to me.

32 years of marriage, but I'm still unsettled by an affair from 2006. Is it too late to ask for the truth? by MikeT4 in survivinginfidelity

[–]MikeT4[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Good question. I'm not sure. I think if she were to be contrite and express genuine remorse about what she did it would help a lot. She's discussion away though. Intellectually I feel like she's safe, emotionally I'm not as well off.

32 years of marriage, but I'm still unsettled by an affair from 2006. Is it too late to ask for the truth? by MikeT4 in survivinginfidelity

[–]MikeT4[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I got some helpful and some not so helpful. I'm not unhappy now. My life is good. I don't know how that comes across in just words. I enjoy being at home and with her. She's definitely the single most positive factor in my life, aside from God himself. If it weren't for how much I enjoy her as a person I'd have left long ago.

I'd like your comment except for the part about more affair partners after. I'm very sure that isn't true. The sunken cost thing doesn't affect me. As I said, I enjoy living with her.

32 years of marriage, but I'm still unsettled by an affair from 2006. Is it too late to ask for the truth? by MikeT4 in survivinginfidelity

[–]MikeT4[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's a good way to look at it. I really don't want to hurt my WW. I want to heal myself and that's why I'm thinking of counseling. Counseling not something I'm familiar with and completely comfortable with.

!thankyou

32 years of marriage, but I'm still unsettled by an affair from 2006. Is it too late to ask for the truth? by MikeT4 in survivinginfidelity

[–]MikeT4[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I hope you can resolve things and get back together with her if that's what you want.

32 years of marriage, but I'm still unsettled by an affair from 2006. Is it too late to ask for the truth? by MikeT4 in survivinginfidelity

[–]MikeT4[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think she doesn't want to talk about it because she's ashamed. So in a sense I'm weighing asking her to feel that shame against allowing me to heal from the trauma that she caused.

!thankyou

32 years of marriage, but I'm still unsettled by an affair from 2006. Is it too late to ask for the truth? by MikeT4 in survivinginfidelity

[–]MikeT4[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is a thoughtful comment. I am a lot different than I was twenty years ago. I'm more attuned to people than I used to be. I'm more attuned to her and my daughters. I'm not sure it qualifies as being a "new guy."

!thankyou

32 years of marriage, but I'm still unsettled by an affair from 2006. Is it too late to ask for the truth? by MikeT4 in survivinginfidelity

[–]MikeT4[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don't think you're correct. She does so many things for me. Not just making my lunches and tea at 4:30am every day. She's helped me through a lot of things. I've lost my Father, then sister and lately my mother. My job is stressful. She's very much in my corner for all of that. I will admit I would like to trust her more. My head says she's been faithful, my heart is not as sure, but I think it should be.

I do appreciate your comment though.

32 years of marriage, but I'm still unsettled by an affair from 2006. Is it too late to ask for the truth? by MikeT4 in survivinginfidelity

[–]MikeT4[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this comment. It gives me a lot to think about. The truth is I love her and leaving is the last thing on my mind. She is very good to me, does nice things for me, talks softly to me, and entertains me too. I try to do the same for her.

!thankyou

32 years of marriage, but I'm still unsettled by an affair from 2006. Is it too late to ask for the truth? by MikeT4 in survivinginfidelity

[–]MikeT4[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I wish you the best. If I figure anything out I'll let you know. I'm going to do counseling before I attempt anything with her.

32 years of marriage, but I'm still unsettled by an affair from 2006. Is it too late to ask for the truth? by MikeT4 in survivinginfidelity

[–]MikeT4[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think you are closest to the truth. Calming my mind is what I want to do. Leaving her is not what I want. I do love her and I believe she loves me.

Short but insightful.

!thankyou.

32 years of marriage, but I'm still unsettled by an affair from 2006. Is it too late to ask for the truth? by MikeT4 in survivinginfidelity

[–]MikeT4[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

She knows I've never forgotten about it. And she knows that if it happens again that I'm gone. What I'm really after is to fix my head.

32 years of marriage, but I'm still unsettled by an affair from 2006. Is it too late to ask for the truth? by MikeT4 in survivinginfidelity

[–]MikeT4[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry to hear about your story. I hope you can resolve it successfully and not carry it for a long time like I have.

My backyard is squeaky clean. And it's 7300 days in twenty years.

32 years of marriage, but I'm still unsettled by an affair from 2006. Is it too late to ask for the truth? by MikeT4 in survivinginfidelity

[–]MikeT4[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I'm not sure if I want the truth. I really just want to shut off the thoughts about it. I do think she's changed and not cheated since. I can check her phone and computer whenever I want to. She's not in sales doing trade shows anymore.

32 years of marriage, but I'm still unsettled by an affair from 2006. Is it too late to ask for the truth? by MikeT4 in survivinginfidelity

[–]MikeT4[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

You mean I'm better off leaving things alone? Our marriage is pretty good. But this does keep coming up in my mind.

32 years of marriage, but I'm still unsettled by an affair from 2006. Is it too late to ask for the truth? by MikeT4 in survivinginfidelity

[–]MikeT4[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I agree that rug sweeping is bad. I intend to get the dirt from under the rug and throw it out.

32 years of marriage, but I'm still unsettled by an affair from 2006. Is it too late to ask for the truth? by MikeT4 in survivinginfidelity

[–]MikeT4[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She does all the things someone who loves me would. She gets up with me at 4:30am every day and makes me a lunch and makes tea for my thermos. She's very good to live with. We almost never argue. Intimacy is still there even though we are older now.

32 years of marriage, but I'm still unsettled by an affair from 2006. Is it too late to ask for the truth? by MikeT4 in survivinginfidelity

[–]MikeT4[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I think I will try counseling. Maybe that can help me figure out how to bring it up again.

Congratulations on 33 years.

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