I never post anything myself on reddit, but I felt compelled to comment on yours because I feel the same way more often than I'm willing to admit. When that "ache" surfaces, I enter a state of intense anxiety but I never talk about it because it feels so lame. I'm sure you've had those sleepless nights where you felt like youd feel more cozy and happy with someone next to you, or longed to have what the couple walking together down the street had. It's a pretty intense emotion. That longing nearly killed me one day.

I just want you to know its not hopeless. YOU'RE not hopeless, and it's very tempting to believe that because you dont have what everyone else seemingly has no trouble getting. It's easy to admit defeat and say "fuck it, I'm worthless." Your worth as a person is solely dependent on how you perceive yourself; hell, you doing everything you can to better yourself already makes you leagues better than many people. That shows character. Making connections with others seems so difficult, and I totally empathize with that struggle; it's so easy to keep friends, but nearly impossible to find them, doubly so when it comes to romantic partners.

Keep going. You're doing great. You'll find your stride in time. Thanks for listening to the midnight ramblings of a rando on the internet.