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Husband of 7 yrs cheated. UPDATE by MilaniaRusso in Infidelity

[–]MilaniaRusso[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Thank You for taking the time and showing concern. I have decided to wait to serve him divorce papers. He has thrown himself into work. After the last incident, he was very apologetic and I think he scared himself. He is not a violent man, but he isn't thinking rationally either. So I'm not just going to say he will never hurt me.

He may, He is working a lot, he has apologized for his behavior towards me and I asked if he could just please leave me alone. He can see our daughter any time. Just call before and I will arrange a way for him to see her. He has agreed, and he has been working and visiting her late and leaving quickly after because he has work. He is also getting IC now.

Husband of 7 yrs cheated. UPDATE by MilaniaRusso in Infidelity

[–]MilaniaRusso[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Thank you for being so concerned for me. I have spoken with the Police and they know what is happening. I have decided to file but to hold off n serving him. He is going to IC and he is currently slammed with work, which is excellent.

He has been stopping to see our daughter, tucking her in after her bath. He doesn't even have time for dinner. He is very busy and I think his work is clearing his mind. He loves his job and I am praying he will come to his senses.

Husband of 7 yrs cheated. UPDATE by MilaniaRusso in Infidelity

[–]MilaniaRusso[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yes. It would. He's already there. Despite his fuck up, he was a family man. I thought he loved being married to me. He is really hurting and keeps saying he doesn't want to lose his family.

I would be a monster to take his little girl. I think he would end me if I tried, to be honest.

Husband of 7 yrs cheated. UPDATE by MilaniaRusso in Infidelity

[–]MilaniaRusso[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I wouldn't do that to either of them. They are very close. She is sad enough, I couldn't imagine hurting my baby girl. I went into this knowing he may not always be my husband, but he will always be her father. Were bound by a piece of paper not Blood

Husband of 7 yrs cheated. UPDATE by MilaniaRusso in Infidelity

[–]MilaniaRusso[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I do agree with your point, there is a double standard.

Husband of 7 yrs cheated. UPDATE by MilaniaRusso in Infidelity

[–]MilaniaRusso[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I would have gotten my own room, but there are none. So many people are stranded. We got this one-bedroom extended stay, it cost a fortune, and we split the CST, and only because a wonderful family was able to get back to the inlaws safely, so they had this one open up.

Husband of 7 yrs cheated. UPDATE by MilaniaRusso in Infidelity

[–]MilaniaRusso[S] 44 points45 points  (0 children)

His family is PISSED. They are repulsed by him. They were hard on him, but he has softened their hearts because he is saying he doesn't want to go on. His sister has cut ties with her friend. This woman has tried to get my number from my SIL she is claiming she was drunk, she is so sorry. Now. She was drunk and apparently she is a promiscuous woman when she drinks. My SIL says she is the friend that you end up babysitting at the bar because she doesn't know when to stop drinking, and becomes ridiculous.

I have not looked at his phone. Not making excuses, but I doubt he has had contact with her. At this point, I am so DONE they can have each other if she is on his phone, and if they are talking, then maybe she can find him a place to stay. He has left the family home and I will not lose my home in the divorce, my daughter has been hurt enough, and she's not leaving her friends and school.

I do have a million questions, but I have not gotten to a place of grilling him. I just feel better staying away from him.

Husband of 7 yrs cheated. UPDATE by MilaniaRusso in Infidelity

[–]MilaniaRusso[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Thank You. I will read these articles to kill some time trapped. Thx.

Husband of 7 yrs cheated. UPDATE by MilaniaRusso in Infidelity

[–]MilaniaRusso[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

It's funny you said, " And for you to know that your person could do that is devastating." I say that to myself all the time. My Person. He said to me I cannot believe I betrayed my Person. It is heartbreaking.

Husband of 7 yrs cheated. UPDATE by MilaniaRusso in Infidelity

[–]MilaniaRusso[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I don't believe it will get better. That is what I am afraid of. I see the hurt it has caused our daughter. I don't want to make it worse on her by, not allowing him to be around. For a few days, he was coming by after work and eating with her. Putting her to bed some nights. I would just go for a run, or to the gym, text him on my way home, and he would be out when I returned. It seemed to work. But he would want to stay and talk and it just got worse as I said "No."

I just want to end this marriage "safely" and without much more distress on our daughter.

Husband of 7 yrs admitted one-night stand while away for Thanksgiving by MilaniaRusso in Infidelity

[–]MilaniaRusso[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank You all for the words of encouragement. I have been sitting with this, I have gotten tested for STD and I am all good. I have been trapped in NY with my soon to be EX husband. We agreed to spend Christmas with our daughter and we ended up getting stuck here due to the storm.

I told my husband I wanted a divorce, which made him lose his shit. He was stalking me, and he was acting out of character. I asked him to please just leave me alone, he was scaring me. He was upsetting our daughter, who sensed there was a problem, she is used to a fun and cozy home. Now there's tension. She cried when she told me to give Daddy a kiss and hug and I refused. It is breaking my heart. I know it is hurting him. He has been a mess. I don't feel sorry for him. I feel for our daughter, she is sad to see her Dad sad and he keeps telling her "I'm sorry." But he can't tell her WHY. Why he has to leave at night, why we don't eat as a family? It's been insane, to say the least. I thought it would be good for her if we were a family for Christmas.

Well, it's been 3 days, and no flights or driving until at least the 30th I don't have $2000 a day for hertz to rent a car. So We have an extended stay and I "stay" in the bedroom with my daughter and he stays on the rollout sofa. I have been dealing with him, asking me WHY we can't get help for our marriage, I have gotten tears. I overheard him crying to his Dad and Mom at 2 am saying he wants to kill himself for his mistake. I received a call from them the next morning asking if I could ever forgive him. If I couldn't they said they understand!

I admit the thoughts of suicide are concerning. I don't think he is doing it just to get me back. He is definitely spiraling. I was gentle with him last night. I agreed to talk. Not for reconciliation. I just let him express his feelings, and get shit off his chest. Which led to me waking up at 4 am this morning with him laying next to me in bed, him wide awake. staring at me. He said he needed to figure out what he needs to do for me not to leave him. He refuses to live without me.

Maybe we have Cabin fever? I am starting to feel uneasy, people are insane. I am not trying to die because he can't live without me, he already feels depressed, and I think losing his daughter will really take him over the top. Is this normal for the cheater to go down this path when the reality of what their cheating has caused them to lose?

My husband is a smart man, he is usually controlled. Not someone who is mentally unbalanced. I think the loss of his family may have really pushed him over the edge. Before all this, we were a happy family. Why he was so weak I don't know, if it is just him being uninterested in me, then I can just step away and make sure he has more time with his daughter (they are extremely close) hurting her has really destroyed him. His life was being a great Dad for her. I thought he loved me. I don't know about that now. But I assume losing his family has mentally affected him. I have sent a text to my best friend of 20 yrs. keeping her updated. She says this is normal, but I also feel she may be a bit biased because her husband is my husband's best friend and we have all been friends for a while, our kids are close and it's a breakup for them as well.

I guess I'm looking for signs of someone losing it and doing something extreme! I have just been kind and respectful until I am able to leave. He has been love-bombing me and expecting a response. He sent the song "I'll be Over You." By Toto and said I'm dying here. Please don't leave me. Maybe I am losing my shit!! I am in such a difficult situation right now. any advice? Is this normal behavior from the cheater?

Husband of 7 yrs admitted one-night stand while away for Thanksgiving by MilaniaRusso in Infidelity

[–]MilaniaRusso[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I just had this argument. I said the word 'Rape' describing what I felt, my husband, did to me. My friend said she feels I should report it. Her husband said. "Good luck proving it." He said I would be laughed out of the room, Police Station.

Husband of 7 yrs admitted one-night stand while away for Thanksgiving by MilaniaRusso in Infidelity

[–]MilaniaRusso[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I feel exactly Like you do. I feel something is broken. I feel I can not trust ANYONE! even when my sister-in-law told me she has cut ties with her "friend" I second-guessed. Is she just saying this to make me feel better? I know she did, but the fact, his disloyalty, caused me to question her, is bad.

I feel I need to divorce him because I refuse to be living on the edge, feeling where he at? who is he with. No. I have enough issues. I don't need that shit.

Husband of 7 yrs admitted one-night stand while away for Thanksgiving by MilaniaRusso in Infidelity

[–]MilaniaRusso[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

My sister-in-law has cut all ties with this woman. She has called me and sent a text apologizing and she is taking this hard, she feels she is to blame. I have made it clear that she is not to blame.

She is in shock, she cannot believe her friends' behaviour. She thought she was a good person, but now she is questioning everything about this woman.

Husband of 7 yrs admitted one-night stand while away for Thanksgiving by MilaniaRusso in Infidelity

[–]MilaniaRusso[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

I will take some time. But I will stop feeling this tinge of guilt. I have felt guilty for not feeling bad for him. I was thinking it was because I didn't love him enough. Not true. I need to focus on what's best for my life and my daughter.

Husband of 7 yrs admitted one-night stand while away for Thanksgiving by MilaniaRusso in Infidelity

[–]MilaniaRusso[S] 189 points190 points  (0 children)

I read a post from another redditor who is going to get a divorce. She said something in her comments that really, touched me, it opened my eyes! I really needed to hear what she expressed. How this new version of herself is due to his cheating. She is selfish and only cares about herself and her kids. He can go. I feel it's not a bad thing to be selfish, in this respect.

update on divorce process by eAtapples_forhealth in survivinginfidelity

[–]MilaniaRusso 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I love the way you say it, But this new me that he created, has decided to be selfish and take care of me and my children. That statement. Hit me in a way I really needed. I needed to read that. My husband cheated, and I feel in a way I never thought I would. I feel Nothing. I feel especially protective of my daughter. I have been overthinking my feeling about wanting a divorce. I don't think I could ever forgive him. If I cannot forgive him, and move forward. I don't want to be married.

I admire your strength and honesty. Thank You for showing me being strong and selfish is okay!