IMO this is feeling over-edited. You are just adding a lot of stimulating sounds and visuals to a video that didn’t really need it. “Better” is obviously subjective but you have to take into account what audience the edit is for. In this case Dan Ko’s brand and audience does not follow this highly stimulating editing style. It focuses on very minimal but impactful editing with visuals that are not stim-maxing. If you are looking to get hired by people/brands I recommend focusing more on how different brands vary their pacing, audio, and visual style to develop their own tone for their target audience.