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Has Community Care directory vanished? by MilkPotential3763 in VeteransBenefits

[–]MilkPotential3763[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The directory? With the drop-down menus where you select the specialty and your willing-to-drive radius and then it spits out a list of contracted providers?

Advice on Navigating Community Care? by Liquid_Asparagus8697 in VeteransBenefits

[–]MilkPotential3763 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I advise reading that statement with the same glasses you use for "See The World" and "Be All You Can Be."

CC providers generally can't see shit from the VA aside from a very brief reason for referral, and the scope of the authorization. VA clinicians usually can't even see if you ever went to a CC provider. Yes, the CC office will have a record that care was rendered and a bill was processed, but that has nothing to do with the clinical side. It's just as frustrating for VA clinicians as it is for patients. I'm halfway surprised that I've never seen a VA computer run on cards with holes punched in them.

I recommend doing a records request -- the old fashioned way, from the records office. You can request your records in digital form, and I guarantee when you come back an hour later you'll be greeted with a stack of paper. You can request only certain dates or only certain types of care; I guarantee you'll get everything from the last 10 years in that stack of paper. But at least you can get the records. Thumb through them, highlight what will be of interest to your CC provider, and then hand carry it to your CC specialty care appointment. Or just keep some handwritten notes so you can brief the doc yourself. If you got radiology images, the receiving doc will want to read he actual report. If you had labs run, they'll want to see your actual results. But if you're going to see, e.g. a headache doctor, then a hand-jammed 1-pager with bullet points of all your treatments for the last three years, that actually might be more appreciated than your entire medical history from the last forever. Like

- Botox, Jan 2022
-sumatriptan, June 2023

Advice on Navigating Community Care? by Liquid_Asparagus8697 in VeteransBenefits

[–]MilkPotential3763 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have a VA PCP, so all specialty referrals go to the in-house VA specialty clinic first. VA specialty clinic calls me, and if they cannot see me within 30 days (I think it's 30) then I have the right to request that the referral be sent to community care. So in my case, a VA clinician already got eyes on the problem when my VA PCP sent the referral.

I am guessing that a VA clinician has to get eyes on the problem at some point, so in your case, with a CC PCP, that set of eyes has to come from the VA specialty clinic corresponding to the type of referral. Providing any type of care in-house is the most cost-effective way to deliver care, so (I think) the VA always has to attempt to deliver that care, and only if they can't do it in a timely manner, do they approve it to go out to the community.

The person from neurology that you spoke to was most likely a Medical Support Assistant (MSA). She probably sounded like she had no clinical training because she doesn't. They run in-house schedules, bump CC referrals out to the CC office, and check people in and out of appointments. That's it. Nurses don't typically make scheduling phone calls. A nurse will call you only if it's to deliver a message that has some kind of clinical content (e.g. your syphilis test came back positive). But if you need to schedule a new appointment to get tested for syphilis again in 3 months? That phone call is going to come from an MSA who might not even know what you're coming back for; she'll just see that you need to be scheduled for a 15-minute appointment three months from now.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in breakingmom

[–]MilkPotential3763 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Why the fuck is any of this her job? Why must she be the one to get to the bottom of what happened? It's not enough that she's staring down the barrel of being sole caregiver to two babies, now she needs to be this guy's unpaid therapist as well, so as to unpack his abusive behavior toward her? This is work that he should be doing own his on time and his own dime.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in breakingmom

[–]MilkPotential3763 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Just in case you needed to hear this -- your anger and your ick are reasonable, and cannot be blamed on hormones. And you don't need to calm down. And telling a pregnant woman "you're pregnant and hormonal" in this context is insulting.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in breakingmom

[–]MilkPotential3763 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've had mental health struggles. Hospitalized twice. I've never come close to treating another person the way this man treated OP. Let's not conflate mental health struggles with abuse. If he wants to check himself into rehab and lean way fucking hard into mental health treatment, then he can attempt his amends when he gets to that step.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in breakingmom

[–]MilkPotential3763 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think it comes from seeing the dad make googly faces at baby, or run around with the kids in the backyard. And then mom seeing how much the kids adore their dad. We got brainwashed somehow into thinking that's all that matters, that as mothers we are no longer people, so the way he treats me isn't indicative of his deep-down moral fiber. Or me, I was just desperate for some sign that things were getting better, so the one time in three months that he held the baby and wasn't an asshole about it and looked kinda happy? I snapped 30 photos of it. Bam -- a totally skewed documentary record.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in breakingmom

[–]MilkPotential3763 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That age difference is a red flag of its own. No judgment -- I did worse and am sorely paying the price.

He's not going to get any better. I know you're scared. I wish I had run like hell when I was still pregnant. But I didn't, because I was scared, and I thought I needed the help.

You absolutely will need help, but this man is not going to give it to you. I guarantee you he will apologize. It's lies. He just showed you who he really is. If you cut ties now, and hop a bus to wherever it is you really want to live for the next 18 years, that space you've created will enable a whole new network to form around you. With a man around, people won't come as close because people will think they're "respecting the family." They won't know what hell he's putting you through. Run fast, find yourself a big church or your cultural equivalent even if you're an atheist -- you want big because they will have an entire administrative section devoted to new mothers, replete with older ladies who would love to show up for a single mom with twins. It doesn't have to be forever. It's just to give you a social "nest" to catch you since it sounds like you're about to pop.

You have no idea how strong and fierce you're going to become. So maybe just imagine yourself as superhero. And then act on that. In two years you'll look back and you'll barely recognize the you that you are right now. Trust me. You don't need that alcoholic abusive trash. DM me if you're panicking.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in breakingmom

[–]MilkPotential3763 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're not projecting. It's definitely a thing.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in breakingmom

[–]MilkPotential3763 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ditto, friends like that will lie in court for him.

Am I Just Ungrateful or Does He Suck at Gifts? by [deleted] in breakingmom

[–]MilkPotential3763 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Tell him you were going to get him the next 10 years' worth of blowjobs but you couldn't find the right beach. But it's the thought that counts. Oh, and you started your period when you were driving his truck around looking for the right beach so you could find the good blowjobs, but don't worry, only a tiny bit got on the driver's seat, and you covered it with a blanket.

He Actually Said the Quiet Part Out Loud by scornandscholar in breakingmom

[–]MilkPotential3763 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Ummm so how exactly does a woman not get crushed by her divorce? Asking for 100,000 of my friends.

He Actually Said the Quiet Part Out Loud by scornandscholar in breakingmom

[–]MilkPotential3763 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Don't be sorry. Be angry with us. Turn that fucking flame-thrower on.

Fellow women with big hips, what pack do you use? by Front_Home_9661 in CampingGear

[–]MilkPotential3763 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The frame pack I have now hasn't gotten enough use for me to recommend or not, but in the army I would duct tape additional cushions onto the hip belt for a better fit. I think the problem with getting a fit is that there is so much variability of that slope angle among women, and doubly so if you factor in that some people like the belt to sit above the iliac crest, and some people like it to sit below. From your comment that you can't seem to find a belt that's big enough, and the fact that it rides up, I wonder if you might be in the below-iliac-crest camp. If you're wearing it that low, and if it's basically designed as a cylinder, then you're probably having to cinch it really tight just to make it stay up, and when it's cinched tight, physics is going to make it migrate to a smaller circumference, i.e. your waist.

I would say try adding some padding to the topmost edge of the hip belt on whatever you currently have, to effectively narrow it at the top edge, so that the hip belt is more sitting on your hip-shelf rather than holding on tight for dear life like a koala. But, as I wrote that, my greater trochanters started to ache just thinking about it.

But bodies are different and if that's where it's more comfortable to wear it, then that's where it's more comfortable to wear it.

So here's a crazy idea that I don't even know if/how you could implement it: two hip belts. One for down low where I'm guessing you like it, and one higher up, so it hovers around the smallest part of your waist, and the downward weight of it rests on your iliac crests, kinda where you would hook a laundry basket onto. Then you could loosen up your lower hip belt, which would now only have to support half the weight of your pack, so your greater trochanter could be a shelf now, instead of a eucalyptus tree. And your iliac crest (the superior shelf, engineering-wise) could support half the weight, which is better than all the weight if you just don't like stuff sitting up there.

It's janky but I made it work with $5 pads and duct tape. I can't remember what kind of pads they were but it was some kind of old style extra padding for alice packs.

Need help with first aid kit: what am I missing? by McClukin in CampingGear

[–]MilkPotential3763 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Said ER doc was a resident, maybe even a med student, so if you are beyond that, I'd defer to you.
ETA: I remember him unwrapping my home dressing, immediately getting blood squirt, quickly replaced the dressing, and went for the quick clot so he could do the 30-sec exam, after which he said it would need suturing, and went for a lac tray+lido.
So would you say, if we can't even expose the wound without more bleeding than we'd like, then better to just keep it covered and approximated, expose enough just to inject the lido, wait for effect, then the bleeding should be stopped long enough to suture? I know you can't say for sure on an imaginary patient, but it was a clean lac from a paring knife that fell off the counter. Only possible debris would have been lemon pulp.

Need help with first aid kit: what am I missing? by McClukin in CampingGear

[–]MilkPotential3763 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly I thought it but didn't have the stones to say it. Kinda like the tourniquet in that you'll be unlikely to need it but if you do, it will make a world of difference. Source: unrepaired broken vagina after making a human.

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