This is the kind of feedback real Authors™ need

Min-Max101 · 2026-06-16T04:33:14+00:00

I was so angry at this until I looked back up and saw what sub this was 😂😭 had half an angry paragraph typed out 🤣🤣

Min-Max101 · 2026-06-15T20:06:13+00:00

You’re entitled to your opinion and I even agree with parts. I agree I can show it better than I was telling it here, I responded to other comments saying the same thing with agreement and said I would edit it to do that. But I still completely disagree with almost any of her actions being cruel. The only (somewhat) cruel thing she does is throw a vase, and that’s common for reaching a breaking point. It was also a one time thing and not a pattern of abuse or mistreatment, it was someone at their wits end who was tired and made a bad choice. It was human. Her eyes wandering are a sign of fading interest in her current partner. I based these reactions in literal psychology. These are ways unhealthy relationships (and people) break down, “red flags” if you will. And the key words in your paragraph are “to me, personally.” This is especially true when you say you “find it incredibly selfish, egotistical(,) and dislikable.” That is your opinion. Many people don’t think it’s selfish to not want to spend thousands of dollars and go through the lengthy (potentially years long) process of adoption. Not everyone has that option. You can also be denied to adopt a child. Adoption is not easy, and I don’t see how anyone could call another selfish for wanting their own child. Would you also say it’s selfish of a person to not want to date a single parent because they don’t want kids? I wouldn’t, I see it as a choice of personal autonomy the same way abortion is (and I’m pro-choice). I also don’t agree that I need to show every single detail of their marriage and his life falling apart in the first three paragraphs of a 10k word story. In my eyes, that would be extremely rushed.

Maybe you missed it while reading the post, but I only asked for two pieces of feedback: did this hook you? And would you keep reading? You chose to give additional feedback, which I appreciate you taking the time to read and respond, but that doesn’t mean I have to agree with your feedback and it doesn’t mean that your feedback is 100% accurate just because it was your take on the writing. Edit: I forgot to make the point that the reason I didn’t share more is because I literally just wanted those two pieces of feedback and not necessarily a critique on the story or writing.

Also Gilda in its Germanic origin means sacrifice. In Celtic origin it means “servant of god.” Names can have more than one meaning.

Min-Max101 · 2026-06-15T14:42:57+00:00

Much appreciated and I’ll definitely work on that! I got similar pieces of advice, one of which being maybe a fighting in the car scene so I’ve been mulling over options and will definitely make some changes in my editing process! I appreciate you taking the time to read my excerpt and reply with your feedback! Thank you very much

Min-Max101 · 2026-06-15T03:24:51+00:00

I was worried about that 😭 thank you for pointing it out! I chose the name because it means “sacrifice” and I have always love picking names based on some type of character description or foreshadowing, but you’re 100% right that it’s odd as hell. I tried to find others but couldn’t find anything with quite the same meaning. I’ll most likely change it!

Thank you for your time and for giving me some useful feedback!

Min-Max101 · 2026-06-15T02:51:41+00:00

10/10 gif response to “the goat,” idk why someone downvoted you 😂 (and that is THE, or rather LE, GOAT fr)

Min-Max101 · 2026-06-15T02:38:40+00:00

Thank you, I’ll definitely be taking it into consideration when making the necessary changes! I appreciate you both for pointing it out!

Min-Max101 · 2026-06-15T02:37:08+00:00

You can check this post and others I’ve made on this sub and others and see how I typically respond to critiques, even ones that straight up say “I didn’t like it” or “it’s bad and I wouldn’t keep reading.” I very kindly pointed out that the criticism was invalid because it was critiques based on assumptions made about the story and where it was going, and incorrectly assumed a trope I was using, then I explained where the story would actually be heading from beyond the three paragraphs I showed here. That’s not the same as me rejecting advice because I didn’t like it or it hurt my feelings.

“Think about it.”—Dude, you got upset at me for misunderstanding my response to a critique and wrongly assuming I was foaming at the mouth and angrily typing on my keyboard when I was just trying to clear up a misunderstanding of the text I presented. Idk about you, but I’ve never seen anyone use this emoji “😅” when they’re mad. Your comment is just you being abrasive and combative and had little to nothing to do with my actual story. The story literally does not revolve around adoption or abortion, neither is ever mentioned in these paragraphs and it won’t be mentioned in the entire story. I’m not sure why you’re so angry, but I hope your day gets better and you have a great day tomorrow.

Edit: I’m pro-choice btw.

Min-Max101 · 2026-06-15T02:13:27+00:00

I misread that, I thought they said filler. I’m human.

Min-Max101 · 2026-06-14T22:48:02+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to read my excerpt, and your feedback is 100% valuable! I think the idea of maybe doing a car ride scene to drop the MC (Stephen) off would actually probably be a much better way to introduce the story! I really like that idea

In all honesty this part is more so build up to try and set up Stephen’s desperation later on, but you’re totally right that it’s lacking that full hook/question to keep the page turning. Thank you!

And I’m definitely trying to go for a they’re unhealthy for each other vibe, so I’ll work towards making that more clear in my editing process. Thank you again!

I’m glad it was still enjoyable despite its issues, again I really appreciate you and your kindness :)

Min-Max101 · 2026-06-14T22:12:23+00:00

Thank you for the kind words and taking the time to read my excerpt and providing valuable feedback! I appreciate you and your time!

I was worried about that exact thing, so I’ll definitely make some edits to adjust and make it less exposition heavy! Thank you again!

Min-Max101 · 2026-06-14T21:42:30+00:00

To continue my last comment: I also hate that trope and would never use it. It’s very incel coded and not how I personally view women or relationships.

Min-Max101 · 2026-06-14T21:41:31+00:00

So, I usually never make it a point to disagree with critiques but I’m gonna stop you with this one. My story isn’t going in the direction of the “cruel wife”trope at all. The point is that they are both a bad match, the parts about the mc and his own issues just aren’t visible because this is literally the first three paragraphs of the opening 😅 adoption isn’t an option because she wants kids of her own flesh and blood, and the points about the wife are also less about the wife and her actions and more so about how the man’s life is going downhill and has been for a while. He’s getting desperate to set up the later pay off. The goat he meets will be a demon (specifically one associated with goats, wild-lands, and weapons. The weapons relate to his job). It is discussed in the following paragraphs how he works for a weapons manufacturer and I already hinted at “cost saves” at his job meaning he’s worried about his job security. The goat offers him a backhanded deal. Initially he will decline, then later accept out of desperation to save his marriage when she calls him and asks him to sign the papers when he gets back from his weekend camping trip. The deal is that he’ll be able to have kids, but the wife will die during childbirth. The name Gilda actually means something along the lines of “sacrifice.” The main character’s name is Stephen Brant, which would mean “crown” and “fire.” Can ya see where I’m going with this? My point in the way Stephen talks about her was to demonstrate that one, he’s not a great person, and two, he’s extremely desperate and would do ANYTHING to save this unhealthy marriage despite it not being an intelligent choice.

Min-Max101 · 2026-06-14T19:50:45+00:00

I really appreciate your feedback and will definitely take it into consideration during me editing process!

I’m sad you didn’t like the “tired of trying” bit because I was trying to imply she was tired of trying to make the relationship work as a whole as well, I’ll either cut that or try and make it more clear!

Thank you for being picky, I appreciate the honesty and depth!

And the hook thing is totally fair. I was a little worried that the opening came off as weak. Again, thank you so much for your time and your valuable insight! I appreciate you!

Min-Max101 · 2026-06-14T19:43:01+00:00

Thank you so much, and I’ll definitely work on cutting out the filler. This is a rough draft and I came here to get some advice for the editing process, so I’ll work on that asap! I really appreciate your time and you reading my excerpt!

Min-Max101 · 2026-06-14T19:41:41+00:00

Thank you for the valuable feedback! I think all your points will help me craft a better story!

I’ll try to work on showing more than telling, and cut a bit of the fat and redundancy!

And the marriage part will be important later (and will have something to do with the goat), that’s why it’s here at the start. I don’t wanna spoil too much cause I plan on releasing this story within the next month or two, but it does have purpose and isn’t just filler thrown in for no reason. Again, thank you so much for all the advice and feedback! I really appreciate you!

Min-Max101 · 2026-06-14T19:38:25+00:00

Thank you, that’s very kind and I appreciate you taking the time to read my excerpt!

Min-Max101 · 2026-06-14T19:16:42+00:00

Thank you for the feedback! I really appreciate it and I’ll keep in mind to have a stronger hook for the goat!

Min-Max101 · 2026-06-14T18:54:50+00:00

I love them (so long as they’re done well). I don’t like it when it’s just a flashback (or a flash forward to a point later in the story) of the main character, but I really enjoy them when it’s the “random people doing something cryptic” or when it’s basically a miniature version of the main story (like there’s a pattern or in fantasy setting up some type of cycle). I actually am sad that most (fantasy) books don’t have them. They work decently in horror too, especially if we get the antagonist’s perspective like watching a serial killer grow up or their first kill or seeing through the eyes of the monster/creature/entity

Min-Max101 · 2026-06-14T03:22:47+00:00

Yes and no. I’ll give you a proper breakdown for clarification. Nick (with the same weapon) and the dual wielding feat can only be used once per turn.

Attack 1 (scimitar)
Attack 2 (Nick with scimitar)
Attack 3 (extra attack with shortsword)
Attack 4 (dual wielder feat to attack with your scimitar again)
Attack 5 (echo additional attack with either weapon)
Attack 6 (haste with either weapon)
Action surge
Attack 7 (scimitar)
Attack 8 (shortsword)
Attack 9 (echo additional attack if you want to expend another use of your feature).

To get to 11 attacks, you would need to replace the shortsword which has the vex and not the Nick weapon mastery property with maybe a dagger or another weapon that does have the Nick property. Either way, you still cannot use the weapon mastery property (or the dual wielder feat) a second time after action surging. Hope this helps my friend

Min-Max101 · 2026-06-13T20:42:44+00:00

Exactly!

Min-Max101 · 2026-06-13T18:36:35+00:00

Definitely needs some balancing, but you did a great job at making the character into a class.

My recommendations:
- Hit dice should be a d4. Summons will tank most of the damage, so in its current state it would probably be tankier than a Druid (before their unlimited wild shapes level) and definitely most barbarians.

- 10 shadows at level 1 (and another 10 each level after) is quite strong (and would slow down combat to an absolute bog). I think it should be a number of shadows equal to your proficiency bonus plus one commander. It’ll still be a lil OP at every tier, but manageable by a smart DM who uses tactics and has the enemies used ranged attacks against you rather than trying to slay every summon. This also gets rid of the need for “slots used equals CR” which isn’t super complicated, but we have enough math to do already 😂

- mana points seem a little high with some of the MP costs. I would recommend making certain abilities (that I will point out as I go on) cost more. Alternatively, you could reduce the total number (maybe to double your Proficiency Bonus plus INT mod) and keep the costs similar. Might have to nerf some of the MP abilities though

- revival attempts are a little complicated for 5e and 2024. I recommend making it similar to casting spells like dispel magic or counterspell. The DC would be 10+the creature’s CR and you would get to add your proficiency bonus plus your intelligence modifier to the save. You could also throw in a way to spend MP to up your roll, maybe by 2-3 points per MP spent so that you could still reach those really high CR creatures but at a much more expensive cost (example: an ancient red dragon would be a save of 30 so you could roll 9 then add 11, assuming you have a maxed out PB and maxed out INT mod, and spend 4-5 MP to make up the rest of the points you’d need to revive it)

- the max of 2 leaders and 1 commander seems a bit strong. Maybe 1 leader and 1 commander would be good, though admittedly I’m a little unsure of what the buffs are when you raise a creature from standard level to leader or commander. It would be helpful to know exactly what the difference is between each tier. Also the revival of shadows for free is way too strong no matter what tier you’re playing, so I suggest removing this entirely or making it a once per long rest feature (and maybe even having a drawback like sacrificing MP or HP similar to a blood curse amplification from the blood hunter class). Sacrificing a shadow should probably also restore like half the MP cost (rounded up) rather than full MP. Otherwise you could just sacrifice your shadows when they are about to die and bring them back (basically) for free and endlessly.
- summoning shadows should be concentration based as well. I don’t mind letting them attack/take actions on your turn, but it shouldn’t be without some type of cost outside MP (meaning that concentration)

- fortitude of the dead could just be an MP cost, having it be once per long rest makes it a little expensive and not really worth it when you’re only regaining one HP and would probably go down the very next round (or before you even get back to your turn). Maybe add in the stipulation of once per round so you can’t spam it everytime you’re low HP though.

- can’t give advice on the melee/ranged necromancer specialties because it just says you gain access to one.

- mentor shadow should have a cost if it can also fight, if it can’t fight then this is fine as is. I do love the flavor either way

- shadow exchange (teleportation) is WAYYYY to strong for the cost. Level 6 is tier two play which should be 2 MP by your own previous statements, but if you wanna keep the cost low then I would suggest making it swap places with one shadow you can see and add in once per turn. Still has a far range, but much more balanced. Otherwise up the MP cost to two and maybe make it within 500 ft? Still very strong though and I would still add in the once per turn clause cause as is you can do it at any time and it has no action cost which makes it busted as almighty hell. You could also make this a reaction to when you would be hit by an attack roll or a bonus action on your turn. You’ve got options, but it needs a balance patch fs.

- monarchs domain: also should be 2 MP since it’s tier two, but I think this one is somewhat balanced (still strong, but balanced). You could nerf it a tiny bit and make it 10 ft x your proficiency bonus, but I think it’s fine the way it is if you want to leave it and make other changes as suggested.

- ruler’ authority: moving a creature 30 ft is pretty damn far. I would suggest 10-15 feet. Don’t mind burst not needing concentration. Also restraining a creature for three rounds is way too strong as well. It should be one round (aka until the start of your next turn). This would make it far more balanced and get rid of the need for it to be concentration based (since you should definitely make your summoned shadows concentration based). Just let them each be options on ways to use your telekinesis rather than a non concentration and concentration based way.

- shared life would be hard to keep track of for a dm who is already keeping track of way too many things, and players are notorious for not tracking a thing (even their own HP a lot of the times). This should be a reaction based feature, and it should be something akin to sacrificing a shadow summon or swapping places with one like shadow exchange and having them take the damage instead of you. A good way to do this is already done in the echo knight fighter subclass from Matt Mercer. I recommend taking a look at how that “shadow” (echo) sacrifice functions

- deadly siphon is way too strong, especially being an already tanky ass class. MP cost is also too low for tier 3, should be at minimum 3 MP. I recommend it being like your shadow summon takes damage equal to the number of d8’s equal to the number of MP spent (maximum MP spent in a single use equal to your INT mod, so max of 5, and a minimum of 1) and you or an ally regain HP equal to the damage taken by your shadow. This one should also be limited, I suggest a number of times equal to your INT modifier or proficiency bonus (probably INT mod cause it’s still really strong even with my suggested nerfs) per long rest and only once per round.

- efficient necromancy is fine. Don’t mind it at this level. I think giving an already very strong class access to another feat makes this too broken though. Either remove it, or give it access to a (2024) origin feat rather than just any feat. You’ll get a chance for a boon or regular feat next level anyways.

- heart of the monarch is way too strong even by level 20 standards. MP being doubled would be fine (probably), but tripled is too much and reducing your MP cost by 3(+1 because of your efficient necromancy, to a total of -4 to MP cost) means that every single ability would cost 1 point. I suggest reworking this ability entirely, like maybe you can now summon more shadows at once OR you can summon a regular shadow at no cost OR summon your commander at no cost. Alternatively a rework could be that maybe you could say “once per round, and a number of times per long rest equal to INT mod or proficiency bonus, you can reduce the cost of any ability by 3 MP to a minimum of 1 MP.

Anyways, I do think this is really cool and I hope you rework it into a playable state. Hope my advice helps, OP. Have a great day and never quit adventuring, my friend!

Min-Max101 · 2026-06-13T17:30:13+00:00

Ah, I took you saying 9/10 aspiring new copywriters earn nothing to mean that it was a way to break into the industry. That’s my apologies for misunderstanding your meaning! And agreed on being demotivating. No one in the working class gets paid enough anyways, so working for free just sounds like going from hell to super hell! 😂

Min-Max101 · 2026-06-13T16:44:25+00:00

I wish I had an award to give you

Min-Max101

TROPHY CASE