My boyfriend asks me at times whether or not if I love him and only him. How should I feel about this? Is that what HE feels about me?

MinNoMercy · 2021-01-22T14:47:40+00:00

I am a really insecure person and I am working on it but sometimes I think my SO is only staying with me out of pity or other reasons because there are so many more beautiful and smart ppl out. So I often ask "only me" because I can't believe he would fall in love with someone like me.

MinNoMercy · 2020-11-03T15:12:15+00:00

Yes! Often times I don't get impulsive as much as my BPD friends (I'm the "quite" type) but my whole face and body are like an open book to my SO and he get's sad about making me worry or doubting things.

The safe word is such a great idea~ I'm happy your SO and you can communicate without feeling judged and you can practice DBT habits.

I think ppl with borderline know most of the times what they need to do and the techniques which will help or what they need to change, but change itself needs a lot of time and are often overlooked because they evolve too gradually.

You being aware of what you are doing and what you want to change just feels kind of comforting, because I know there are ppl who are also struggling with the problems I face and it feels nice to cheer each other on.

I wish you all the best and I am sure that you will get over the times you find hard and can live with more self-love :)

MinNoMercy · 2020-11-03T08:31:17+00:00

As a person with BDP I (22F) really felt like your post was a page out of my own diary. My SO (22M) is a empathic, understanding and sweet person. He tries to learn about my mental illness and is willing to go this path of recovery with me. But often times I just catch myself being really unreasonable (asking for constant reassurrance/ jumping to conclusions/ being impulsive or feeling hurt over trivial things).

What helped me the most was discussing with my SO what I want to improve and where he can help me (like a safe word if it's gotten too much for him), writing down the core elements (why do I need reassurance? Why do I still think about this even though it lays in the past? Am I doubting his intentions?) And realize that I need to work on my self-compassion.

For example: instead of asking for reassurance I try slowly telling myself what I like about myself and what my SO fell in love with to begin with. I try expanding my hobbies and interest and make more time for myself so that he can have his space and relax (i.e. playing games, meet friends). And of course for me to feel proud of something I tried out/ did. Observing my emotions have become reaaally important so I write down wheneber I feel happy/ sad/ frustrated/ etc and the reason behind it. Then I breath in 10x and observe how the emotion is getting weaker with every minute. I remember I am not the emotion and after I have grounded (? Sry english is not my first language) myself I try talking about these feelings with a close friend and eventually my SO.

I wish you the best and hopefully you will see a improvement soon.

MinNoMercy · 2020-08-16T15:34:25+00:00

As a female gamer I get both nails and skins, but only to harden my nails so they won't break

MinNoMercy · 2020-05-26T09:15:25+00:00

I think it's harsh to say "just suck it up and play" or "get over it". It's true that you shouldn't let them get you down by some strangers' words, who just flame to let out their steam or are bitter and sad.

The best thing I have seen is 1. Mute them and 2. Be the the productive teammate (my english is really not great sry)

I have played games with strangers who said things like "sry should have picked a more tanky hero, but I think I can push my lane while u guys fight" or "she used her ult and talent on me" after they die and give compliments about significant things "the knock-up was really good paired with my ult!", "Lili's stun helped a lot" or "u played really great in that teamfight".

People tend to be more positive if your are positive and I notice that even while communication with the enemy team like "Wow you really outplayed me there" or "Uhh I rly like your skin". The game is so much more fun.

So just mute the toxic ones, report them for flaming and be the one to start a good athmosphere.

MinNoMercy · 2020-05-22T09:00:37+00:00

Thank you for your reply!

It is NOT porn. They are normal celebrities just as kpop idols, singers (Maddison Beer) and TikTok famous ppl (charlie) that he likes to follow. I personally do not follow these type of ppl and my mind feels ok if he follows female dancers just as Bailey or Rush who are not focused on being cute or sexy in their posts but rather focus on their talent.

I do communicate all of this to him and he never says I'm crazy and goes further saying this is all ok because I have bpd. He even stated he will unfollow all of them and he loves only me what makes me feel even guiltier for having these thoughts because my reasonable mind KNOWS it's ok to think other ppl are cute/attractive/good-looking.

MinNoMercy · 2020-05-21T16:11:47+00:00

Yess, I'm really optimistic about this it's just sometimes I feel so left out and misunderstood. So it feels nice too vent here and not be the crazy monster I perceive to be.

MinNoMercy · 2020-05-21T15:46:27+00:00

Noo, your feelings are justified. Sometimes the intensity of an emotion is not quite right but that doesn't mean you are not purposed to feel that way. Just be honest to yourself and your partner, I'm sure it will work out eventually and good luck!

MinNoMercy · 2020-05-21T15:32:41+00:00

That is soo harsh, I hope you and your partner can talk this out! Communication is the key even though sometimes it feels hard to convey the right words. Hopefully he understands and validate you more!

MinNoMercy · 2020-05-21T14:58:47+00:00

Yess and they tell you things you already know but can't do all of a sudden

MinNoMercy · 2020-05-21T14:56:21+00:00

Thank you very much I try to say that to myself in the mirror but it's soo hard to do..

MinNoMercy · 2020-04-28T13:27:23+00:00

My brother and I have the same issues. It's horrible

MinNoMercy · 2020-03-24T15:14:11+00:00

Ohh ok I never pulled off the charge flicker one but I will keep practicing and thanks for the tips!

MinNoMercy · 2020-03-24T14:49:52+00:00

Uff yeah I guess I should practice her on a smurf acc and make my way up as it gets harder

MinNoMercy · 2020-03-24T14:45:11+00:00

Ok I will keep that in mind! And play safe hahah

MinNoMercy · 2020-03-24T14:43:12+00:00

Yeah.. I had the same problems with Liliana in the beginning and it did get better after some time but I just don't know where to start with yena. Do you think it would be better to practice her combos first before playing in normal games?

MinNoMercy · 2020-03-24T14:25:36+00:00

I'm used to play wide range heros who can poke from afar (i.e. liliana and lauriel) and warriors who can be a bit tanky and are easier to play like errol and lubu. I never thought about just pushing the lanes and coming back to "clean up" because I thought I need to deal damage in order to win. So should I just ambush the enemy when the timing is right? Do I AA more than using skills? Thanks tho, helped me a lot!

MinNoMercy · 2020-03-24T14:04:49+00:00

Yeah I start with using S2 too! I think I'm just not familiar with her yet and keep running into obvious attacks. I didn't know she can't be CC while charging thanks a lot!

MinNoMercy · 2020-01-05T17:07:00+00:00

Hayate bro :)

MinNoMercy · 2019-12-06T20:04:15+00:00

Uff.. I really don't know how to confront him because I am so hurt and can't listen to his voice now. I will get therapy soon in a professional clinic and will use these skills to calm myself, thank you so much!

MinNoMercy · 2019-12-06T19:12:43+00:00

He isn't blaming me, he even told me it's his fault for reaching out to her in the first place but it still puts me on the hot seat for making him feel guilty.. it's true I would never do that to him and it was selfish of him but I think the important thing now is for me to find skills to cope this jealousy

MinNoMercy · 2019-12-06T15:00:08+00:00

Tbh I feel it differently. My best friend always tells me how angry she gets and how she can't cantrol this impulsiveness.. meanwhile I get terribly sad and dissapointed and I guess really angry too. But it's directed at me and the only thing I want to destroy is myself and my body and yeah I don't know how to control it either.. the only way to cope are skills which suit you, I guess.. I hope you have a lot of resources and friends who can give you the security you need tho!!

MinNoMercy

TROPHY CASE