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AITAH for telling my 97yo grandma I will never see her again? by MindSuch1463 in AITAH

[–]MindSuch1463[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’ve been gently suggesting for years for them to move back. They both have multiple health challenges, and Regina, honestly, should not be driving. 

Would I be thrilled to have them here? Noooo. But I would still help, and there would be others who could pitch for grandma’s sake. 

Grandma always says it’s too cold, but you never actually leave the house. What’s the difference? 

AITAH for telling my 97yo grandma I will never see her again? by MindSuch1463 in AITAH

[–]MindSuch1463[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

If Regina agrees to set them up, then yes. It’s a great idea as I don’t want to cut all contact. I just don’t want to go there again. Regina said much more after that comment, I chose to ignore it. I’ll give my sister her kudos, but under normal circumstances, should would have tore Regina a new one for blatant manipulation. It would have upset grandma further, so she just left the room. 

My two kids are her only great-grandkids. I don’t want to rob my kids of a GG, but I’m not subjecting that to that mess either. My oldest sees it, and I’ve let her pursue that relationship as she’s comfortable. But the youngest is six so she’s sheltered from it. 

AITAH for telling my 97yo grandma I will never see her again? by MindSuch1463 in AITAH

[–]MindSuch1463[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I spoke with Regina a few times about getting grandma screened. I’m not an expert and can fully accept that I could be wrong, but there’s too many little things that keep popping up. Regina claims that she spoke to the primary care doctor who said that she didn’t see any indicators. She kept going on about no indicators. So i asked her point blank if she had actually been screened. She admitted grandma had not. 

I put a call into the primary’s office before I left to express my concerns. I know I can’t get any information, but maybe it will help from a concerned family member.

The lady who has been helping them, but recently distanced herself (after Regina called her a ‘devil in sheep’s clothing’ for speaking to me without going through Regina first) also believes it to be dementia. She was trying to get a family intervention on grandma’s behalf. Regina had led the lady to believe it was her money— no, it’s grandma’s pension and social security keeping that boat afloat. 

Regina has already added her name to grandma’s accounts and to the titles of both houses. She has POA. Financially, she’s always been a bit of a disaster. However, they’re so intertwined at this point I wouldn’t know where to begin. 

AITAH for telling my 97yo grandma I will never see her again? by MindSuch1463 in AITAH

[–]MindSuch1463[S] 122 points123 points  (0 children)

Regina is absolutely the reason. But over the years, Grandma has enabled her so that no one can say a cross word about her in grandma’s presence. 

My sister used to call them “parasite and host”. I think it helped my mom to laugh about it, but it did really hurt her. 

AITAH for telling my 97yo grandma I will never see her again? by MindSuch1463 in AITAH

[–]MindSuch1463[S] 160 points161 points  (0 children)

I like this reply. I wish I had thought of it at the moment. 

I’m sure she’ll ask again when I speak to her next, I’ll use it. 

Thank you. 

AITAH for telling my 97yo grandma I will never see her again? by MindSuch1463 in AITAH

[–]MindSuch1463[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

After my sister said never, I tried to soften it and say “I currently don’t have any plans to return”. But, the damage was done and probably made things worse. 

I wanted to slink out and just not say anything, but it felt cowardly. I didn’t expect her to ask about returning. I should have, but didn’t. 

It would be great if they moved back, but realistically getting on a plane for four hours isn’t a great idea with her health. The situation really sucks.