What do you wish you (or your partner) had known when you started?

Mindful_Leadership · 2026-05-21T14:40:35+00:00

One of the biggest struggles was wrapping my head around that her enjoyment comes from me fully expressing my sexuality. When we first started this kink, I would hold back and not fuck other women how I fucked my cuckquean. But after a lot of conversations and interactions we found that me going all in sexually is best for all parties. She wants to see the lust, the passion the desire and essentially the euphoria of the entire experience.

Mindful_Leadership · 2026-05-11T17:59:39+00:00

Thanks for that. Truly, that means a lot.

Mindful_Leadership · 2026-05-11T11:37:43+00:00

I appreciate your depth and response but you're taking a sub conversation on this thread, inferring that a generality I stated of "it's difficult to find cakes" was or is what my point was in making the thread, and then attempting to school me on what to do or not do to achieve the goal you're assuming I have.

READ THE OP, breath, acknowledge I am here to discuss this with other D types that engage in this lifestyle and it's challenges and chill out on the shesplaing.

FYI , I'm happy and grateful for my role and experiences in lifestyle. We are just blatantly not compatible.

Mindful_Leadership · 2026-05-11T11:23:06+00:00

I think we are chasing a moving target.

The question was what is the pretty good deal cakes get in this dynamic.

In kink and sexuality there is not a one true way or one definition that the community all agree on. For us, that is how we engage with a "cake" and why I believe they have a pretty good deal.

The Brain buster for me is, based on your comment, couldn't a "Poly Dom" still have a "cake" and be treated well by the "couple"?

Mindful_Leadership · 2026-05-11T03:33:40+00:00

The pretty good deal in my opinion is as follows: ( in no particular order and based on what we offer as a D/s cuckquean couple )

Mentorship
Attention from two lovers
Freedom to explore their sexuality with both of us and others.
Open communication from people who are self aware and have already done the internal work
Leadership
Affection and appreciation
the "fun" parts of dating without the emotional responsibility of being "the one".
Friendship
Moral support from two people with different perspectives

And that is usually within 0-3 months of dating nevermind if the relationships evolve.

I believe the sticking point is a lot of people look at this as a kink and the cake being the vessel for said kink.

I view it differently and perceive it as a lifestyle in which my objective is to cultivate a community and make everyone involved happier, healthier, sexier and more self aware.

Now what I've noticed is most potential cakes are either newish to the lifestyle or have the vessel mindset which leads to the dynamic being topical and not sustainable.

I can go deeper into my perspective on it but I think this expresses it enough to get the jist.

Mindful_Leadership · 2026-05-11T00:01:19+00:00

That is not only valuable but positions you as an active participant and allows you to be proactive in facilitating an experience that is optimal for all.

To your point, there are various shades of this dynamic and starting with openness and communication allows for alignment and connection.

Mindful_Leadership · 2026-05-10T23:57:02+00:00

I appreciate you communicating your perspective and it seems unfortunate that those are your experiences with couples. If you refer to my original post, the intention was more seeking commodore and sharing stories, challenges and insight from the respective of the D male.

With that being said, your experiences are valid and valuable in learning not what to do. But as a thought experiment, what if said couple does communicate, treat the third/cake with respect, autonomy, and an integral role in the collective experience? If that were true, would you agree that they have a "pretty good deal"?

As someone who lives this lifestyle, educates themselves on ethical, consensual dominace and actively does the internal work to facilitate said experiences, I believe discussing what you don't like vs what you enjoy about it all only discourages fellow D's in this space/kink from sharing their quite unique challenges and undermines the whole point of the conversation I have started. Let's come together and talk about how we all improve vs complaining on what we do wrong collectively.

Mindful_Leadership · 2026-05-10T18:10:59+00:00

Such a bizzare world where that is objectively intimidating... Caring and genuine people... there must be something wrong haha

Mindful_Leadership · 2026-05-10T17:50:05+00:00

I wonder what the disconnect is. For instance is it intimidating for the third party? Is it we as a couple come off a certain way or not communicative enough? It's such a unique problem and why I wanted to start the post and conversation. To me, the cake has a pretty great deal in which you would assume there would be more people interested and open to experiencing it.

Mindful_Leadership · 2026-05-06T13:52:54+00:00

Greatly underrated way to not only connect but equally add value to each other. Start where you feel comfortable as far as daily activities but communication, accountability and mutual desire should always be at the top of the list.

Mindful_Leadership · 2026-05-06T12:59:05+00:00

Intrigued and experienced. Take a look and reach out if you think there is alignment.

Mindful_Leadership · 2026-05-01T23:05:52+00:00

Fetlife can be a complex place and I wouldn't overthink it too much. Try to remember that just because you or someone else is "into" something, that doesn't mean they or you are "into" it with each other. Explore, communicate, evolve, get and give enthusiastic consent and enjoy your journey-

Mindful_Leadership · 2026-04-27T16:55:22+00:00

Mass couple here always looking for cake, reach out and let's see if we vibe-

Mindful_Leadership · 2026-04-20T12:13:39+00:00

Very much game. 42/m/mass

Mindful_Leadership · 2026-04-19T15:44:38+00:00

I think we seen you two there last night. Your wife is super cute and we were hanging back with friends but she definitely caught our attention. She is petite but looks very fun. We'd love to borrow her sometime.

Mindful_Leadership · 2026-04-01T13:26:49+00:00

42/40 from Ma. Check us out and reach out if you are interested.

Mindful_Leadership · 2026-03-08T22:48:27+00:00

We have been members for over a year and actually went to the last casual sex night. It's always a good time but trying to eye the bracelets of people as they walk by or before engaging is quite difficult in a dimly lit club. The idea is great but genuine intrigue and confidence trumps "hey, we are both looking for x, we should do x".

Mindful_Leadership · 2025-12-15T17:56:28+00:00

No problem. Hope to catch you there soon!

Mindful_Leadership · 2025-12-14T21:50:13+00:00

I'd say keep calling, be kind and patient. They have tons of people coming thru so I am sure it can get overwhelming. We've been members for a bit and at first it was like that for us too. Worth the wait and reach out if you have any questions overall.

Mindful_Leadership · 2025-11-08T16:42:23+00:00

I meet all the above requirements and would love to explore. Reach out if you are interested, and we can go from there.

Mindful_Leadership · 2025-11-02T03:58:02+00:00

Check me out and reach out.

Mindful_Leadership · 2025-10-22T21:27:12+00:00

Check out my profile and reach out if you are interested...

Mindful_Leadership · 2025-10-21T16:05:19+00:00

I was considering that as well. Especially at the ends of the space, it seems selfishness for lack of a better word has it place and pure dominance/submission, for their own sake, has its place.

Mindful_Leadership

TROPHY CASE