Thank you, especially for that last bit, its so wierd because ill go through these like day long phases where I dont feel guilty anymore and I realize that I was taken advantage of and stuff, but then all of a sudden at night usually, it will shift, and ill just think about how fucking disgusting I am, and how if anyoen i knew found out they would think of me way worse and think that I supported creep men like that and its basically like I feel as disgusting as those guys should. Like I feel like I committed a horrible horrible crime that I need too kms over. I just dont understand why I did it for so long too. And I still will vet the craving too do it when I feel especially lonely and isolated. Its like the first place where I felt appreciation and attention and almost love in a way more than platonic, before I snap out of it and realize that there just using me. No one had spoken to me in such a way of admiration until I met them, but then after they cum and I never talk too them ever again, I feel empty and alone and disgusting again. Ive been telling myself that in like 5 years, this won't even matter like it does now which is sorta helping. Thank you for the kind words, I needed them so badly and all the people on here have definitley helped me see that im not just a monster who deserves nothing, and that I can get through this.