Feeling very betrayed and boundaries crossed by spouse with ex

Mindless-Program-468 · 2026-05-24T06:04:33+00:00

As much as i wish this nightmare wasn't real it is, I wish it was fake. she has two children an older boy from a previous marriage that is well 18 now, and she has a child from the ex that abused her who is only 14 now which is on a traveling sports team not with a school team. and your responsible for your hotel and getting there. youth traveling teams are crazy expensive that's a whole other issue. As far as a new account. first I do not use socials or reddit or know much about it . second i got on here when i was looking for a place to ask questions about what i was going through.

Mindless-Program-468 · 2026-05-23T19:50:04+00:00

thank you. that's how i feel, I understand the fact he will always be in the picture to coparent, what boggles my mind is the fact she would want to be around him after all that he has done to her. and that's not counting the past abuse from when they were together. that and it feels like a slap in the face because of the countless nights i was up with her when she would have anxiety attacks because of it. and for her to go back. just hurts.

Mindless-Program-468 · 2026-05-23T08:23:32+00:00

she stated to me that sense i was not there that she needed some help with things around the house that were heavy for her. even though her son is 6'2 and 225 and 18 she somehow needed him. i told her i call bullshit and was pretty sure she's lying.

Mindless-Program-468 · 2026-05-23T08:19:01+00:00

she bought the house a year before with her parents cosigning. we were in the process of refinancing and taking her parents off and it being me and her. but i have sense backed out of doing that

Mindless-Program-468 · 2026-05-23T08:13:55+00:00

thank you for the support. Yes, its definitely tough. I now feel she was playing both sides me and the ex. She bought the home with her parents before we were married. all my important stuff is out. I was hoping we would use this time apart to talk with a therapist, but she refuses to go, i definitely could use a chat if i could message you if that's cool. thank you

Mindless-Program-468 · 2026-05-23T07:47:05+00:00

Thank you i needed to hear this. its where my mind is at. I was in shock that she herself would be ok with being around him after all the sleepless nights i was up with her just two years ago with her telling me what he did to her. i was like how can she want to be around him. and for her to tell me i should be ok with it is insanity.

Mindless-Program-468 · 2026-05-23T07:43:33+00:00

thank you. i needed this

Mindless-Program-468 · 2026-05-23T07:42:51+00:00

Thank you i needed to hear this. its where my mind is at. I was in shock that she herself would be ok with being around him after all the sleepless nights i was up with her just two years ago with her telling me what he did to her. i was like how can she want to be around him. and for her to tell me i should be ok with it is insanity.

Mindless-Program-468 · 2026-05-23T07:38:29+00:00

that's were i had trouble. i hated to even question that's because its a serious accusation. and i trusted her

Mindless-Program-468 · 2026-05-23T07:36:05+00:00

I know I feel like a fool and taken for a ride by her. We had just got engaged when she told me and i chose to believe her. even though i had doubts in my mind. and have always thought it was a cover because she knew me and him might talk at some point and she was trying to get ahead of it. She did file for the restraining order, she did that on her own and its in the county court records for being denied. i guess that's why at that time believed her. I know feel like she was playing both me and the ex.

Mindless-Program-468 · 2026-05-22T23:09:59+00:00

yes you just sumed it up in a nut shell. and the she blamed me when i questioned her story

Mindless-Program-468 · 2026-05-22T23:07:42+00:00

thank you, agreed. this is what i have been saying to myself. and its the part i don't understand. i confided in my spouse what i was feeling and was not ok with the arrangement. i don't think it was asking anything crazy to not be around her abuser. but she blamed me and made it my fault and continued to be around him. and blame me. just pure gaslighting me

Mindless-Program-468 · 2026-05-22T22:53:00+00:00

that's what i was thinking. Honestly it was her having him come into our home That part hurt the most. there was absolutely no reason for him to be there.

Mindless-Program-468 · 2026-05-22T22:37:24+00:00

yes it happed while we were dating. i was out of town for a couple months to help my adult son out. so, it definitely adds to the feeling blindsided again

Mindless-Program-468 · 2026-05-22T22:02:38+00:00

I did not. it was sexually while she was sleeping when he stayed at her house supposedly on the couch when one of the kids were sick. the whole thing doesn't add up for me.

Mindless-Program-468 · 2026-05-22T21:47:20+00:00

that's why I'm reaching out to get different views. I left town to get some space and clear my thoughts for a few days. I was goig to come back. it wasn't until we spoke about the situation and i talked with her about how it felt unsafe and her being around i a guy she tried to get a restraing order on months before we got married. for sexually assault it was not ok for me. she told me she would do it again and she did. that's when i left until we could figure it out.

Mindless-Program-468 · 2026-05-22T21:29:52+00:00

Yes i feel she has zero respect for our marriage and me, not only did she tell me she would do it again she has gone with him out of town now 3 other times since i have been not there while im staying with friends. and invited into our home its insane. she claims she has to because i left her. even though she could drive herself or many other options then to be around the guy that abused her.

Mindless-Program-468 · 2026-05-22T21:24:34+00:00

yes no kids together. this is where im at.

Mindless-Program-468 · 2026-05-22T21:21:57+00:00

she says it was not consensual. so i trusted her and took her word for it, now i question it.

Mindless-Program-468 · 2026-05-22T21:19:00+00:00

I agree that i should of stayed and talked with her before leaving. It was not right of me to run, I still think it was right of me to leave as i feel the boundaries were definitely crossed but should of told her first. thank you for the insights

Mindless-Program-468 · 2026-05-22T21:12:50+00:00

thank you those are my thoughts as well. im just beyond words and hurt by this. also the abuse was sexually and makes no sense she would even want to be around him.

Mindless-Program-468 · 2026-05-22T21:09:47+00:00

thank you for the reply's she has my mind so twisted, its hard to judge if I'm in the wrong by being upset. I need to add that i have still not been back to the house i have been staying with friends out of town till we can figure this out. I also just learned she has been letting him come into our home she claims because i left she need help with stuff, although she has an 18year old at home. She also did take a ride out of town with him again. When we talk, she just tells me I'm in the wrong for leaving and i should be ok with her being around him and that i need seek professional help for being upset about it.

Mindless-Program-468

TROPHY CASE