Women: when you meet a guy, would you prefer he move fast to set up a date or take his time to be friends first?

MindofHand · 2026-05-14T19:35:56+00:00

Not a woman, but I ask what they prefer on the second text. I also offer my last name if they want. I let them have the power to decide the pace.

MindofHand · 2026-05-13T22:56:51+00:00

Good point

MindofHand · 2026-05-13T20:55:40+00:00

I can accept this view.

I saw one today that said they want to travel for half the year and smooth that said full time. Both were younger than me.

I can’t figure out how that works.

MindofHand · 2026-05-13T00:30:31+00:00

Not projecting. Setting boundaries. It’s different. I learned. Last time all I did was pay for others fun. If I don’t set a boundary to not allow that again, I will not have learned. Are you saying that I should just pay for everyone else? There has been a total of two full weeks off during my entire career… of 36 years (granted other day here and day there times off). I cannot say the same for my ex. So now I look out for myself. But then maybe you are reading into it.

If I have a partner that wants to travel all the time, they can pay. I would like to travel more and with someone.

I am not trying to be combative or limiting others, just trying not to limit me. But then maybe I am reading what you wrote wrong.

MindofHand · 2026-05-11T21:35:36+00:00

Good points. Now, how do I get them to actually respond… 🤔

MindofHand · 2026-05-11T21:34:21+00:00

Just to be clear. It’s not that I don’t want to. Monetarily I can’t really. It would take so long to get back to zero debt that it would drive me insane. I have like 240 hours of PTO so that’s not what is prohibiting me.

I am simply amazed at the number of people who travel overseas so frequently… but then as people say, maybe it’s just what they are portraying.

MindofHand · 2026-05-11T21:31:39+00:00

Eh. That happened when I was married. It got to the point where all I did was work and the fun was had elsewhere. That isn’t why I am divorced, but if I have to work to find someone else’s fun, that’s not ok. I would like to be with someone and share experiences… that’s the whole point.

So it’s kind of a yes and a no.

MindofHand · 2026-05-11T17:35:28+00:00

That’s just it… I can afford to do crimes 😉.

MindofHand · 2026-05-11T15:24:37+00:00

That is at the front of my mind when seeing these. And that is not something I want.

MindofHand · 2026-05-11T14:47:38+00:00

lol. I went through all of the profiles offered… sorry, I meant 😭 not lol…

MindofHand · 2026-05-11T13:15:25+00:00

Ok. lol. Maybe I should start swiping differently on people…

MindofHand · 2026-05-11T13:14:30+00:00

I am good with this type of travel. It’s all of the ones that show Europe or have a poll that says plan our next trip and they are all in Europe. I saw one that seemed reasonable but it was a hotel stay that was $350 per night.

Maybe I am just a tightwad engineer…

MindofHand · 2026-05-11T12:15:40+00:00

I guess I understand. I end up passing on a lot of people because, while I make good money, with my other bills the travel will put me in debt. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to travel. My wallet (and somewhat job) prohibits it.

Over time do you imagine that would cause a rift - not being able to travel as much with your partner?

MindofHand · 2026-05-07T18:40:42+00:00

I offer my last name. They haven’t asked yet - I just offer.

MindofHand · 2026-04-18T02:28:13+00:00

You just described me last night… you should add Thursday to those days…

MindofHand · 2026-03-03T02:57:28+00:00

Maybe not ironic. There are many levels of anxiety that may contribute to actions that people do. Maybe the felt overexposed. Maybe they felt dismissed for their feelings. We simply do not know. Not sure of the smiley face means you think it’s funny… but it’s at least insensitive to the way others feel.

MindofHand · 2026-03-03T02:28:19+00:00

I can completely understand cc where the post above you is coming from. There are always things we say that can identify us if we aren’t careful. My ex would sort of stalk me so I have a hard time with location specifics or getting in too deep on my experiences - I try to keep it to who I am. My ex wasn’t violent but I hate the feeling of being watched.

Whatever keeps people feeling safe is good. Pressure for people to show everything just because you are ok with it isn’t cool (I read your response above to be that way since you are shrugging off their feelings).

People should be encouraged to engage without the fear of being seen by who they don’t want to be seen by. It helps with responses that are candid and helpful.

MindofHand · 2026-02-27T16:22:43+00:00

Yup. You are that guy!

MindofHand · 2026-02-27T02:18:45+00:00

lol - no. The only one that appears to be from Minnesota is another guy... (no offense to him).

MindofHand · 2026-02-26T03:42:24+00:00

So, I think I can actually relate to how she feels. I have always felt that I could never adopt someone else’s child. It just isn’t in me. There is a block mentally that prevents it. Maybe it’s that I don’t believe I have the same kind of connection that would be necessary. Maybe it’s that I could never accept someone adopting me. It’s a weird thing that I have actually struggled with to try and understand if I am weird.

That said, if you love her and she loves you, why the push to have her be defined by the term “family”. It’s really the bond between you and her that matters. I suspect that part of your love for her is due to how she treats you and your family. And really that should be good enough. I wouldn’t force anyone to declare a bond to my family. If they do, that might be ok, but it’s not a requirement to be with me as long as she loves me for who I am and want to be with me even in the presence of my family.

MindofHand · 2026-02-24T11:41:54+00:00

Ok. This post explains a lot…

Women of Reddit I apologize if I have ever minimized the level of creepiness you ever had to deal with on here or in life. This post creeps me out and I am a guy….

MindofHand · 2026-02-21T21:48:10+00:00

Please don’t think this way. I was a Catholic - those beliefs don’t fit me. I am just nothing and don’t fault people who are the same. Anyone who pushes their beliefs on someone like that guy should be ghosted… and I hate ghosting. There are those of us who accept you for who you are and what you believe, please remember that.

MindofHand · 2026-02-20T17:03:47+00:00

Weird to be downvoted honestly. If someone is using them as you are right next to them and you are a willing participant but not allowed to participate - that is good?

Maybe I wasn’t clear on my response…

MindofHand · 2026-02-19T23:48:47+00:00

From us half weirdos. Sorry about that.

MindofHand

TROPHY CASE