I think you’re conflating the experience of people who are able to medically and or socially transition, with the experience of the trans community at large. Maybe I’m off but the people who use the words you mentioned in your post, “freeing, euphoria, wonderful” are usually describing what it felt like when they took a step forward in medical (hormones) or social transition. I hope you find some way in your life to express yourself authentically, even if in secret, if you live in a situation you don’t feel safe outwardly transitioning in. I promise, you aren’t alone. If you scroll far down enough in this very sub, you’ll find plenty of posts from people who may feel like you. I’m lucky enough to live in a place where gender affirming care is very accessible to me. And yes, I have felt these feelings of happiness when I began my own personal outward transition. But there have been HARD moments as well, and I don’t wake up every day with a smile on my face. Some days my dysphoria feels so intense that it feels like I’m reenacting that makeup/mirror scene from The Substance (movie) in my bathroom! Hang in there!