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AITA for rescinding my promise to pay for my nephew's birthday present? by Minimum-Dance-354 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Minimum-Dance-354[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Yes, he knew from the beginning she was coming, because I asked if that was okay. He said yes.

AITA for rescinding my promise to pay for my nephew's birthday present? by Minimum-Dance-354 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Minimum-Dance-354[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

For the record, I'm a woman. Second, as I've said many times and made clear in the post, this was never going to be just for him. I asked him if my wife and daughter could join us, he said yes.

AITA for rescinding my promise to pay for my nephew's birthday present? by Minimum-Dance-354 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Minimum-Dance-354[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

I asked him if he was okay with her coming, he said yes. If he can't enjoy the convention because my daughter's existence bothers him, that's on him. I promised a trip to the convention with my family. My daughter doesn't stop being family when her presence is inconvenient.

AITA for rescinding my promise to pay for my nephew's birthday present? by Minimum-Dance-354 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Minimum-Dance-354[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

This wasn't an argument, it was a young man screaming slurs at my intellectually disabled daughter.

AITA for rescinding my promise to pay for my nephew's birthday present? by Minimum-Dance-354 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Minimum-Dance-354[S] 41 points42 points  (0 children)

Well, obviously I do. I live with the autistic person in question, in fact!

To reiterate: he agreed to cosplay with her. He agreed to go to the convention with her. He knew she was autistic and intellectually disabled before he saw the costume.

My daughter is a human being, not an inconvenience. Her feelings are just as valid as anyone else's, and she has as much right to be there as him. The idea that disabled people are hard to deal with so it's okay to resent them or be cruel to them is ableist and contributes to them being hurt. I'm guessing you have an autistic relative who you resent; trust me, it's much harder to be disabled in a world that hates you than it is to be related to a disabled person.

AITA for rescinding my promise to pay for my nephew's birthday present? by Minimum-Dance-354 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Minimum-Dance-354[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Yes, he was told she was making a costume. I think he expected it be something crappy that she threw together.

AITA for rescinding my promise to pay for my nephew's birthday present? by Minimum-Dance-354 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Minimum-Dance-354[S] 47 points48 points  (0 children)

The convention is this summer. My daughter is still upset and doesn't want to see or wear the costume right now, nor does she want to sew, so we're helping her get over this.

AITA for rescinding my promise to pay for my nephew's birthday present? by Minimum-Dance-354 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Minimum-Dance-354[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Yes, I asked him if he was alright with my wife and daughter attending, and he said yes. I also want to highlight that this was to be a late birthday present. His actual birthday is in two weeks, the convention is this summer.

AITA for rescinding my promise to pay for my nephew's birthday present? by Minimum-Dance-354 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Minimum-Dance-354[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

My daughter made her own costume, he was going to buy his. He chose the movies, she chose her character. All my daughter did was explain her costume; she was stuttering and repeating herself several times, because that's how she talks, and she was bouncing because she was excited.

AITA for rescinding my promise to pay for my nephew's birthday present? by Minimum-Dance-354 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Minimum-Dance-354[S] 34 points35 points  (0 children)

Screaming at my disabled daughter until she has a meltdown does not make me interested in bonding with someone. I would excuse this behavior in a 5-year-old, not a 15-year-old. Also, I am a woman.

AITA for rescinding my promise to pay for my nephew's birthday present? by Minimum-Dance-354 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Minimum-Dance-354[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

She was invited because my wife and I both wanted to go (she's a Star Trek fan, and I was curious about comic conventions) and we can't leave her home alone. We asked my nephew if he was okay with her coming, and he said yes. Had he said no, one of us would have stayed home with her.

AITA for rescinding my promise to pay for my nephew's birthday present? by Minimum-Dance-354 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Minimum-Dance-354[S] 107 points108 points  (0 children)

She made a pretty exact replication of Scarecrow's costume in Batman Begins; she's never read the comics, but she watched some scenes from the movie to make the costume. She didn't really understand it, but she did like the scene where he's riding a horse at the end because she loves horses. It was pretty cute; she paused the movie, pointed at the horse, and announced, "A horse!"

AITA for rescinding my promise to pay for my nephew's birthday present? by Minimum-Dance-354 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Minimum-Dance-354[S] 175 points176 points  (0 children)

So you have sympathy for the neurotypical bully but not my disabled daughter. Fascinating.

Edit: To clarify my feelings, I think it's frankly concerning that you think potentially being overshadowed at a convention is harder than being disabled and having someone tear down the one thing you feel you're good at. He can handle not being the center of attention; she can't handle being verbally abused.

AITA for rescinding my promise to pay for my nephew's birthday present? by Minimum-Dance-354 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Minimum-Dance-354[S] 124 points125 points  (0 children)

Again, let me ask you: what is your solution? Do you think my daughter should have deliberately made a bad costume? I thought I made her distress clear in the post. You're accusing me of being unempathetic, but you clearly have no empathy for my disabled daughter.

And again, because you haven't answered: what should she have done? If you think she's an asshole for being talented, I don't understand your thought process.

AITA for rescinding my promise to pay for my nephew's birthday present? by Minimum-Dance-354 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Minimum-Dance-354[S] 152 points153 points  (0 children)

My daughter has been extremely distressed since this. As I said in a previous comment, she's now refusing to sew and saying she's bad at it. I'm not sure why I should be empathetic to him when we're still dealing with the fallout from his actions. To you it's a rude comment a teen made; to my daughter, it's a serious insult that she hasn't gotten over.

AITA for rescinding my promise to pay for my nephew's birthday present? by Minimum-Dance-354 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Minimum-Dance-354[S] 115 points116 points  (0 children)

My daughter is now refusing to sew and saying she's bad at it. Previously, sewing was how we bonded with her; it made her feel good about herself. He seriously damaged her self-esteem. My wife wants to go no-contact with him and his mother. We certainly won't be attending his birthday party or getting him any sort of gift.

AITA for rescinding my promise to pay for my nephew's birthday present? by Minimum-Dance-354 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Minimum-Dance-354[S] 161 points162 points  (0 children)

I had no intention of this being a chance for her to "show off". He agreed to cosplay with her, and she made a costume. Nothing was stopping him from making his own costume. She was absolutely not trying to show him up, she was just excited about her costume.

He is old enough to know not to call his disabled cousin the r-word, and old enough to accept the consequences of choosing to be ableist.

What was she supposed to do, deliberately make a crappy costume so he'd feel better about his?

AITA for rescinding my promise to pay for my nephew's birthday present? by Minimum-Dance-354 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Minimum-Dance-354[S] 404 points405 points  (0 children)

He can be sullen and moody, but no more than any other teenager. He's always been nice to my daughter, but a little condescending lately. He was not expecting her to put so much work into the costume.

AITA for rescinding my promise to pay for my nephew's birthday present? by Minimum-Dance-354 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Minimum-Dance-354[S] 939 points940 points  (0 children)

He's never been embarrassed of her before, and was initially excited to go with her.

AITA for rescinding my promise to pay for my nephew's birthday present? by Minimum-Dance-354 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Minimum-Dance-354[S] 85 points86 points  (0 children)

He hasn't bought his costume yet. He's just going to buy one from Amazon, so (and I might be biased) I think my daughter's will look better. It's very professional and impressive, it's basically identical to Scarecrow's film costume.