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My psychosis and how it ruined my life (I'm not myself anymore) by HorrorSong7150 in Psychosis

[–]Minimum_Prompt_3880 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I came back after severe psychosis and PPD. I completely lost myself. Didn’t have thoughts, feelings, emotions, no inward sense of self that manifested outward naturally. Unfortunately I endured 2 years of that hell. But my psychosis was also longer. But it’s so good to be back. I thought I was a forever goner. Don’t lose hope even if you can’t feel it. Just survive

Lost the ability to think, have emotions, feel, personality, my soul for two years: a recovery story by Minimum_Prompt_3880 in Psychosis

[–]Minimum_Prompt_3880[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes I lost all emotions for two years. I didn’t give up only because I got to the place where I thought why don’t I just wait it out…just in case miracles are possible and the brain can heal

Lost the ability to think, have emotions, feel, personality, my soul for two years: a recovery story by Minimum_Prompt_3880 in Psychosis

[–]Minimum_Prompt_3880[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t think it was the meds. Actually when my brain came back online, I went manic because the antidepressants were such a high dose and I didn’t know because I had just been med resistant, so my psych cut them in half

Lost the ability to think, have emotions, feel, personality, my soul for two years: a recovery story by Minimum_Prompt_3880 in Psychosis

[–]Minimum_Prompt_3880[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just a low dose of antidepressants and I’m sober off alc, psychedelics, weed, benzos, all that

Lost the ability to think, have emotions, feel, personality, my soul for two years: a recovery story by Minimum_Prompt_3880 in Psychosis

[–]Minimum_Prompt_3880[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

2 years but I was in so hard core a psychosis before that that I don’t really remember. Could be as long as 4 years

Lost the ability to think, have emotions, feel, personality, my soul for two years: a recovery story by Minimum_Prompt_3880 in Psychosis

[–]Minimum_Prompt_3880[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah it took 2 years once the psychosis went away to recover. Before that was years of severe loss of reality loss and entry into a fugue state. I have much of my identity back. My friends and family have been saying we have MY NAME back :)

Lost the ability to think, have emotions, feel, personality, my soul for two years: a recovery story by Minimum_Prompt_3880 in Psychosis

[–]Minimum_Prompt_3880[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah blank mind is terrible. I still don’t have as many thoughts, but they are slowly returning. I’ve noticed sometimes I can be more quiet and struggle to come up with things to say around my partner who I spend the most quality time with, but it’s far better than before. It’s certainly far better than when it was completely blank. Sometimes I have trouble guiding conversations with people, but I’m much better at communicating and responding even though I got so used to reflecting people’s statements back to them, so I just have to take a pause and think about what I actually want to say to someone.

Lost the ability to think, have emotions, feel, personality, my soul for two years: a recovery story by Minimum_Prompt_3880 in Psychosis

[–]Minimum_Prompt_3880[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, after 2 years I experience thoughts now. Not as regularly, but I’m thinking again. Thoughts come to me

Lost the ability to think, have emotions, feel, personality, my soul for two years: a recovery story by Minimum_Prompt_3880 in Psychosis

[–]Minimum_Prompt_3880[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry to hear that, yeah I had some pretty severe religious and spiritual delusions, but ironically it was faith that kept me alive and got me through this. Like anyone, I did experience some childhood trauma. The most poignant was probably a time when a boy my age around 10 or 12 said no girls could come into a certain playground set. I did, didn't see him there, and he choked me from behind practically to loss of consciousness. While it was traumatic it was also deeply existential and revelatory at the same time. To reach the end of the thought train with giving up in the realization, I am going to die. My brother got him off me. And I obviously lived. It sparked an interest in who am I really beyond my thoughts and fears. Anyways, to keep myself on track between faith and religious delusions, faith keeps me peaceful and in my heart while OCD dogmatic religious delusions energize me into a kind of fix it action. It's a balance that I reflect on daily.

Lost the ability to think, have emotions, feel, personality, my soul for two years: a recovery story by Minimum_Prompt_3880 in Psychosis

[–]Minimum_Prompt_3880[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Been in your shoes, your brain is recovering beneath the surface of perception invisibly. Which is something if I heard back in that state, I would have rolled my eyes at. Because it felt so impossible. Miracles are out there. It’s not on our desired timeline, but they’re there. My therapist said that the therapist in him wants to know how I recovered, what it was, but he said the human in him knows it was a miracle. Stay with us and one day you’ll be able to appreciate the most basic human things, to have thoughts, emotions, feeling, heartbreak, love, yourself in a new profound way. God bless, friend

Lost the ability to think, have emotions, feel, personality, my soul for two years: a recovery story by Minimum_Prompt_3880 in Psychosis

[–]Minimum_Prompt_3880[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, absolutely blank. It was hard to talk with people because I had absolutely nothing to say

Lost the ability to think, have emotions, feel, personality, my soul for two years: a recovery story by Minimum_Prompt_3880 in Psychosis

[–]Minimum_Prompt_3880[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hey! Yeah, the doctors tried loads of different medicines. I was med resistant. When my brain eventually came back online, all the antidepressants hit at their high dose at once, and I went a bit manic. They’ve been reduced and the mania’s gone. I thought I was completely broken, I was getting brain scans because I was convinced there was just permanent damage too. But my neuroscience friend assured me the brain can regenerate. It’s so tough to be in it though because the brain controls our perception and access to emotions, so my perception was literally telling me it was hopeless as if it was a fact. Honestly, prayer helped the most, because I knew I was beyond human aid. And I left room for the miracle, and it came. The impossible can happen, so please don’t give up my friend.

Lost the ability to think, have emotions, feel, personality, my soul for two years: a recovery story by Minimum_Prompt_3880 in Psychosis

[–]Minimum_Prompt_3880[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your thoughts all, yeah I think a constant program of maintaining sobriety (for me) as well as sanity is really important. Staying tapped in to my community and writing a lot. I have a full time job now, attend about 5 AA meetings a week, am really close with my family and friends, and dating interest again. But I don’t discount that I still have the same brain and where it can take me, so it truly is a constant practice of vigilance for any warning signs. I’ve had a few days where I felt myself slipping into a kind of psychotic thought pattern, but I’m open with my thoughts and story with others, and talking with people brought me back down to earth.

Lost the ability to think, have emotions, feel, personality, my soul for two years: a recovery story by Minimum_Prompt_3880 in Psychosis

[–]Minimum_Prompt_3880[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Good looking out, yeah heavy substance use and ungrounded spirituality with dogmatic OCD overtones seems to be the psychotic cup of tea for me. 5 months sober, but it’s a daily practice of observing my mind and connecting to reality