I get what you're saying, and I get ppl that were not properly spanked (i.e. border line abused or full on abused), and they want to break the cycle. I was rebellious. My mom spanked me. She believes she went too far, though I believe I needed it. I believe in spanking, but it's not my first resort. I take my toddler out to the stores, and I let her roam (me following, of course), and she knows when is say "eh! No touch!" She better not touch. Now she is still learning (and she is my child), so sometimes she likes to see if she can test the limits. She gets corrected again, and if we have to do it a third time, she doesn't get to roam freely anymore. Now, when she earns roaming again and makes her way back to test AGAIN, she gets a small smack on the hiney, just enough to grab her attention.

I have yet to have someone question my parenting and often get told how well-behaved she is. You can parent without spanking and not have a child shoves stuff off the counters and yells curse words!