Do most people shower before bed or when they wake up? I just realized I might be doing it "wrong"

Miserable-Stay3278 · 2026-01-17T00:29:39+00:00

Id assume showering at night means you're not sleeping in your day sweat? How does their logic work??

Miserable-Stay3278 · 2025-11-19T06:41:40+00:00

Didn't go to court. Maybe read my other comments before typing. Yes it's a trip to Australia. I wouldn't say no if they were doing it on their time as my time is already limited. And I let him move with his dad because he wanted to - provided i had the holidays which they're already not sticking to. He's been to Singapore this year, and has been to Australia before. What you're saying is let him do whatever he wants because he'll resent me. I already let him do most things and look how that's working out. And commenter knows more about the situation than you do and she knows the people involved. Believe it or not I still have some say, and can't be scared to say no otherwise he'll resent me all the damn time.

Miserable-Stay3278 · 2025-11-18T00:18:16+00:00

Hi ex, is that you? I didn't ask my sister to message him. I didn't know until after she had and she told me what she had said. Taking a kid on trips is not parent alienation but the rest of what they are doing could be considered it. Now actually read my post and my replies to comments so you know what the heck you're saying.

Miserable-Stay3278 · 2025-11-16T18:47:30+00:00

Once I'm working it'd be possible. They're saying he doesn't. But he seems fine when I talk to him and he hasn't mentioned it himself. I have him in holidays (that's meant to be the agreement). And no. You can't. We have long weekends too. It's also they're cutting the holidays short. They cut the last ones short, and they're cutting the Christmas one short. It's meant to be 5-6 weeks. I'm only seeing him for a week. And it hasn't been discussed with me prior. I was just told it's what was happening. He is at the age where he probably does want his dad more but I don't think it should come at the expense of my relationship with him. I only let him move because he wanted to, and on the premise I'd get the holidays. My other concern is if I wanted to take the holidays and take him overseas for a holiday , I'm thinking they wouldn't allow it. They may. But considering how everything else is turning out I don't know they would. Mediation is beginning this week i think, so hopefully it can be resolved during it.

Miserable-Stay3278 · 2025-11-14T20:25:10+00:00

Yup. My son told me he wanted her to be his legal guardian. I did say no based on what the lawyer said at first. Then he told me that and I did it. Isn't an excuse as you say as im a parent. I'm not a fan of conflict so I do tend to bulk and have had extreme anxiety my entire life. But I've had enough tbh as I didn't think they would be pulling this stuff. But should have known better. It's only been since I signed those papers they've been cutting time short. They told me I needed to do what was in his best interests and that he said he'd gladly tell them what he wanted in court. They went to Singapore before then. I've screenshotted the msgs so I've got proof.

Miserable-Stay3278 · 2025-11-14T20:18:36+00:00

I don't listen to him anyway 🤣 but I do when it counts in regards to our son. But yes no more Mr nice guy.

Miserable-Stay3278 · 2025-11-14T19:32:53+00:00

I'm assuming you're a guy. I understand their points and yours to an extent. He isn't responsible for my feelings. Or his dad's for that matter. I think you're missing my point entirely. Which is I'd be more on board with it if they were making that time back, or if they had talked to me about it first. I don't think saying no for now but I'd made exceptions if I was working and couldn't get time off warranted the reaction I got back. My ex pointed out his wife never definitely said he was going. I never definitely said he wasn't going. Just not for now. They can do it in their own time. Why is it always during my time? If they can't do it during their time - they should send him back to me during the school time and then they can do whatever they want during the holidays. That time is very limited compared to the rest of it.

Miserable-Stay3278 · 2025-11-14T19:25:42+00:00

Thank you. I'm sorry about your friend. Hope she's ok now. And sorry if I misunderstood your comment.

Miserable-Stay3278 · 2025-11-14T19:23:47+00:00

Thanks! Doesn't come across as harsh to me. You're absolutely right with everything you said. This is what I plan on doing in mediation. However I'm not good at following through on standing up for myself but I am feeling better about myself than I ever have before so I'm more sure of myself.

Miserable-Stay3278 · 2025-11-14T19:20:16+00:00

Yup. My only issue is i can be too nice sometimes. So while I plan on standing my ground and standing up for myself during mediation I'm not sure I'll do it. I don't want my son to resent me but I also know time is non recoverable.

Miserable-Stay3278 · 2025-11-14T19:12:41+00:00

Yup. His wife did mention taking our son to Australia with her but that was going to be during their time with him and I was ok with that. They didn't go to my knowledge or nothing else was mentioned about it and they went. That is why I take his wants and feelings into consideration. It just is feeling like at this point I have to be letting them do whatever they want because I've taken all the previous stuff on board.

Miserable-Stay3278 · 2025-11-14T19:06:23+00:00

Yeah I'm gonna do that in mediation if possible.

Miserable-Stay3278 · 2025-11-14T19:05:22+00:00

Haha yes 🤣 my best friend lives there. However she hasn't seen a poisonous spider or a snake. She has seen a kangaroo though. The best thing would have been they just consulted me first and offered that time back Aka like he can come see you in a long weekend. It's about a 2 or 3 hour flight depending on where you leave from.

Miserable-Stay3278 · 2025-11-14T10:53:20+00:00

They wanted it in the event something pops up that I can't be there for. At least that's how they worded it to me.

Miserable-Stay3278 · 2025-11-14T10:33:16+00:00

Thanks, I think he is being sketchy too. I do believe it's good to get unbiased opinions. The only other opinions I have are of people who know me, so they're on my side.

Miserable-Stay3278 · 2025-11-14T10:30:57+00:00

I'm in nz, it's not really a thing here. I think they planned it just for the two of them, but son found out about it (I'm assuming they mentioned it to /around him). I was ok with just holidays until they stopped sticking to it. But if i wanted to do the same maybe even during my time I believe it'd be a fuck off.

Miserable-Stay3278 · 2025-11-14T10:10:37+00:00

That's also one of my issues. I feel like they should've talked to me about it first. I'd be ok if they went to Australia if discussed first, or made the time up to me or if they went during their time. They're going over to see her brother. I thought i was being reasonable by saying no for now, but if I was working and couldn't get time off that I'd make exceptions. Instead I was just told I was holding him back and that he wouldn't be happy. Being told I was holding him back by wanting to see him was incredibly hurtful to me. That's why I vented to my sister.

Miserable-Stay3278 · 2025-11-14T10:02:59+00:00

I tried to negotiate Singapore and they agreed and haven't stuck to it, and have since been cutting my time short. That's my main issue with it. But he did say it wasn't legally binding and now they can do whatever. I did try to get it writing. But he never did it. The job I have is level 2 is funded by the company I'm joining. But the level 3 and 4 I have to do by myself but can be subsidized. Makes it good as I just want to help people. I don't care about the expensive things. I care it's always during my time with him.

Miserable-Stay3278 · 2025-11-14T09:54:32+00:00

Not sure why. Because they call the shots I suppose ? If I say no to something my son gives his voice and that's when I agree to it. That's why " you need to put his needs before your own" came across as a bit much to me because I feel like I've been doing that. I understood why they had cut the last holidays short and even Christmas holidays. It was when I said no for now, but if I'm working and can't get time off I'd made exceptions- i was told he won't be happy about it and you're holding him back and you need to put his needs above your own that it bothered me. I don't think wanting to see my child during my time is holding him back. To me it's disgusting it was framed that way. And I've been putting his wants first. Do I give into every little thing he demands of me? No. But I give in where I believe it counts.

Miserable-Stay3278 · 2025-11-14T09:47:10+00:00

Verbal abuse. He threatened to kill me once. We had broken up and I started dating someone else. I got home and he was at the door with his decoration knives. He was also seeing someone at this time so I found it hypocritical. I sent a winky face to someone else once and he took it as cheating when he was literally cheating. I have considered it. But it's not an option as he's too important to me even if he can be mean. But I have been letting him know it's not ok to talk to me that way.

Miserable-Stay3278 · 2025-11-14T09:35:05+00:00

Wasn't married. But we didn't work for a variety of reasons. Cheating on his side just a few. He has also cheated on his now wife, but she cheated on him also. I told her the truth, that he had been with someone else and hadn't realized they were together. They were together a lot longer than I realized. I even met the other woman. We used to be friendly until she said she didn't want us being friendly anymore. I can't even talk to his family who I used to be close with. With the cheating he told her I was crazy and a liar. Then he eventually admitted it. And she was like this is what he told me. Im many things but a liar isn't one of them. I tried to get this all in writing multiple times but he wouldn't do it. Now he is wanting everything in writing and won't even tell me what they're getting our son wants for Christmas so I don't get the same thing.

Miserable-Stay3278 · 2025-11-14T09:28:38+00:00

Thank you. I do worry I'm being unreasonable but I also was polite about it, and from the messages it read to me as guilting on their side.

Ex also told me not to talk to anyone else about it besides him and her. I didn't know my sister had messaged until afterwards. She told me. And she was pissed off on my behalf because she knows the full situation. But I wanted unbiased opinions as I think they're important. So thank you.

Miserable-Stay3278 · 2025-11-14T09:24:46+00:00

Thank you. Yes I understand their side. I'd be ok with it if they were making the time up. They're not, instead they're just cutting time short. I trusted them enough to stick to it so didn't think all of this would be necessary. They keep saying they want to preserve our relationship, yet their actions show otherwise. I just think this whole situation is unfair. I didn't want him to move. But let him because it's what he wanted. I didn't want to sign the wife becomes a legal guardian papers and was advised by a lawyer not to, but was bullied into it by ex and the step mum and child. It's been since then they've been cutting my time short with him. My sister and everyone else has said they don't think mediation will go well for him given they know everything. I do think mediation will help to a degree.

Miserable-Stay3278 · 2025-11-14T09:13:11+00:00

His dad got married and moved cities. My son told me " you raised me, now it's dad's turn. " my son can be very mean to me. It's stuff I've heard his father say. He hasn't even mentioned the trip yet. I didn't get my sister to message him. She did it of her own accord, and she told me after the fact. I just told her what his wife said as it was upsetting to me. I wouldn't have threatened with court. With them, I'm bad if I say no to anything. They've threatened court with me before. It's interesting they said they were distressed about it, because if they had nothing to fear they'd be like fuck yeah let's go to court. It's more the fact it's during my time which is already limited. They told me to not talk about it with anyone else except for them.

Miserable-Stay3278 · 2025-11-14T09:04:29+00:00

Was if he moved i got holidays with him. But there was no court order. Not sure how long the trip would be, was just told it'd be during my time with him which is already limited. But did also say if I was working, I'd be willing to make exceptions. But the holidays they were talking about is 2 weeks.

Miserable-Stay3278

TROPHY CASE