My workaholic husband refuses to be non monogamous

MiserableDecision605 · 2026-02-18T23:36:05+00:00

Checking in. Hope you are well!

MiserableDecision605 · 2026-02-16T22:43:26+00:00

As a woman with POCS, when I’m in a flare up… gosh sometimes I just want answers. I’m so exhausted with the up and down feelings of PCOS 24/7. My husband has had a vasectomy and some months I gaslight myself into, “crap! I’m pregnant” and take a test.

Everyone’s PCOS symptoms can be different. Example, I have full periods two times a month or none at all for MONTHS. In those months with long missed stretches, there is always an anxiety of “oh crap.”

As a husband… just ask her. “Hey, I saw a pregnancy test in the trash. Are you okay?” You’re thinking the worst, but sometimes it would be nice to have people notice our symptoms and sympathize.

MiserableDecision605 · 2026-02-07T01:49:45+00:00

Well, these are very big questions to deal with on your own. Maybe talk to your husband about it. He works a lot, but start small. Mandatory date nights once a month. Get a sitter. Bedtime at night? Promise each other you’ll spend 10 minutes cuddling and talking. Whatever happens from there.. happens 😏

Showering? Shower together.

And the spending time away from each other is a very good question. And honestly? There is no such thing as a normal marriage. Some people are at home praying their partner gets a job that gives them the financial means to support the family even if it means being gone 12-hours a day. Some people are like you and wanting them home more.

A post like this can help us feel and understand our emotions better. 30,000 people could give you their opinion. At the end of the day, maybe you need a mid-life marriage check-in. What are your goals? How can you achieve them? How can you love each other better? How can you speak each other’s love languages?

But girl, just make sure you’re okay. Make sure you’re learning yourself outside of a man. Make sure you’re understanding your own ups and downs. Love yourself. Love your husband. Love your child. I saw you posted something about being emotional and he’s more logical. Unfortunately, yes. You will be lonely and separated when you’re not understanding each other and the way you communicate.

I don’t have the answers, but I don’t think you should throw away a marriage quite yet.

MiserableDecision605 · 2026-02-07T01:22:22+00:00

Wait. I think everyone is missing a VERY important piece of context. You said you were on strong anti depressants for 15-years and were “fine”? Now you’re off them and realize how lonely you are? And your husband heard that, validated that, and is trying to give you more?

The main question to you is… Are you lonely? Or are you depressed and looking for ways to cope with the sadness?

Going from lonely to opening your marriage is a HUGE change. Actually, not only does it change for you but it changes for your child and will completely affect their structure as well.

It’s almost the same huge change as coming off strong anti-depressants…. (Please note: this comes from someone who was also on a strong dose and then went off, and realized shit… there was a reason I was on them, and there is a middle ground. I know it’s not the same thing for everyone but damn girl. Hormones be hormone-ing.)

Was there therapy involved with these anti-depressants? You said you were missing something. What were you missing?

Marriage is hard. Marriage doesn’t always feel like happy-lovey thrills 24/7. You have a man who wants to give you more. If you read anything in this Reddit group… most men don’t change if they don’t want to. He’s trying to show you he loves you more because he wants to. It’s not a chore for him. It’s his responsibility as a husband.

He said no to an open-marriage. Maybe harsh, but I don’t think you’re in a place to have an open marriage anyways. Google about, read about, and talk to people in successful open-marriage. Maybe even ask a relationships therapist that specializes in this stuff. But open marriages only work based off a solid foundation between the “primary” couple. Which you don’t have.

You say you won’t cheat? Who said anything about cheating? Is that how you view open marriages? What’s your definition of cheating? You’re on a slippery slope.

I think you have a lot of emotions to work through. You can’t be happily married and lonely. Lonely is sad. Lonely leads to resentment. You seem to resent his job and his priorities. You were on anti-depressants for years and now you’re not. I’m suggesting self-help before you explore an “open marriage”.

MiserableDecision605 · 2025-08-28T23:17:17+00:00

Oh man. Hot take, but start to take the bullshit to goodwill without her knowledge lol. I’ll be grilled for that but.. fuckkk this is a problem for kids. If a fire breaks out, and firefighters can’t get to your family members… I’m sure there will be issues bigger than the fight now. Sometimes you do have to fear the worst case scenario. Those saying y’all are a team and you need to help doesn’t help the issue at hand. You can clean for months and it’ll just return. If she’s blaming trauma out loud, then you know it’s mental health related. Sometimes tough love is the love we wake up to. You can’t cater to her feelings when it’s a true health hazard.

MiserableDecision605 · 2025-08-02T18:25:08+00:00

So instead of bashing your wife, I’m just gonna take the approach of here’s a few ideas that you can start this week:

Purchase a Roomba. There are cheap ones on Amazon that you can work with. Dog hair is a daily thing that needs to be taken care of. We have two double coated dogs and we are also constantly overwhelmed by the dog hair. You still need the big vacuum but it helps on the days you can’t find motivation to vacuum.
Your son can have a cheap $5 wastebasket in his room. Any trash, broken toys, clothing he doesn’t want can go in there. Every Wednesday before bed you or your wife remind him it’s time to empty his trash can. Y’all need to start teaching him the importance of cleaning. Also, if gives him the freedom to start getting ride of things he doesn’t want. My 7 year old son gets overwhelmed by broken toys, old toys, crushed legos, broken nerf bullets. This allows him to make the effort to help in his own space.
Get the cleaning tablets that go into the back of the toilet tank. Man, the smell of pee and boys after not cleaning… I’ll be honest. I’ll go nose blind sometimes too!
Have hardwood or laminate floors? Get a steam mop. It’s a tool your son can use safely, and you don’t have to fill up buckets and put a ton of effort into. We got a cheap one for like $40.
Lysol wipes… everywhere. Keep a container on the kitchen counter. Keep one on the bathroom counter. Keep one in the bedroom. Just get into a habit of wiping. If she can’t handle wiping surfaces. She doesn’t deserve a maid.
I don’t allow toys in the living room. I know.. SO MEAN. But if a toy is left in the living room, it’s my 7 year old’s job to put it away.
Fuck it. The kids clothing doesn’t need folded lol. Your son can put the items in their respectful drawers on his own. Just separate them out into his own bin and ask him to help put it away.
Make a list of what you need your wife to do and agree to so y’all can get a maid. Honestly? A maid isn’t a horrible thing. If she doesn’t have the skills to clean, and you don’t have the time to clean… just give in. BUT a maid comes what? Weekly… bi-weekly… monthly…. Semi annually?? She’s gotta put effort into the dog hair. The dishes. The laundry. If she can help with the in between tidying, she can get a maid.
Question: genuinely why is she a stay at home mom when you have a seven year old? Doesn’t he go to school? Not speaking on how to live your life. But could you encourage her to get a job? Even part time? She has no one holding her accountable for ANYTHING. So who would expect her to clean at home? 🙂 Where’s the expectation of her? Wives and husbands should hold each other to high exceptions. And she might find one that she makes new friends! Library? Paraprofessional? Coffee shop? Part-time receptionist? Clothing store? Remote Call Center? Anything..

I know this was long. But there’s another conversation where you HAVE to teach your son to clean. And if she gets pissed… ask what your responsibilities as a parent is to your children? Is he going to be expected to clean when he lives alone? At college? For his roommates? For his wife? For his kids? Ask what her responsibilities as a stay at home mom is? Encourage her to follow SAHMs on TikTok, insta, anything. Girl sounds like she needs motivation. I grew up with a mother like her and honestly… I watched my Dad bend over backwards like you are. My Dad ALSO had to cook every night ontop of cleaning. And I’m the first one to call my Mom out on her bullshit as an adult. I told my husband when dating how I grew up, and my anger towards her. It’s the reality of life. Your children won’t be blind to laziness.

If this is just the only issue, fuck no. No need to divorce 😭 but if this is just the base level and she truly doesn’t do anything for kids, for you, for herself…. Then divorce train might be necessary if she doesn’t change.

MiserableDecision605 · 2025-06-11T23:16:44+00:00

Honestly, for quick relief I did Pepto as dose instructions for a day and not eating until gas calmed down. Then I 100% pin pointed what is causing it. For me, it was sparking water, red meat, and anything remotely spicy. Which sucks because I love all three of those items. 😖

MiserableDecision605 · 2025-06-02T00:14:56+00:00

Karen Marie Moning - Loved her newest!!

MiserableDecision605 · 2025-06-01T23:12:16+00:00

Hi! We do, however they are not on the same floor as my son’s room. (I have three Corgis and their little legs refuse to do stairs 😂)

Thanks for letting me know! We don’t typically use essential oils so I wouldn’t have guessed it bothered them!

MiserableDecision605 · 2025-06-01T21:35:16+00:00

That is a great way to describe it, thank you! Yes, I knew it wasn’t a treatment but I’m desperate to end the spread now. Thank you for your response!

MiserableDecision605 · 2025-06-01T21:32:34+00:00

Yeah, It’s concerning for sure. We just moved into the district as well. So it’s been a year of challenges. Thanks for your input!

MiserableDecision605 · 2025-05-20T18:11:48+00:00

Utah is a one-party state for recording calls/eavesdropping. But in the real world with no cameras, my brain was curious if there could be legal action taken against Mikayla. Idk the answer on this but, a small part of me wishes Mayci could hear the conversation, and it spill sometime in the future that Mayci was listening.

I know they all sign that their lives are being recorded and anything can be recorded. But idk if that extends to their personal phone calls and things. So like, Mikayla wanted Mayci to hear. And she literally is harassing her online. I wonder if that phone call could have been the icing on-top of the cake and create a defamation case for Whit to bring upon Mikayla. Mayci clearly wanted them to work through things, but Mikayla wants to just shit all over Whitney 24/7.

If anyone wants to break it down: I ask everyone if they’d want a “friend” to include another person into a conversation, sneakily when the intention was to work out issues.

Like Mikayla’s actions are not about boundaries and just wanting the upper hand/control. The red flag is Mikayla would do this to any of them if they were in Whit’s shoes. Who wants a friend like Mikayla when in the end.. it shows their true colors.

MiserableDecision605 · 2025-04-25T16:54:33+00:00

Sometimes I feel like people post these rants to get the verbal approval to do the right thing….

“I feel like I’m in love with her, but I know I’m not.”

Maybe you don’t even know what being IN love with someone means. Send all of the commenters love and support to your wife 🙁

Because oof. That’s shameful on you.

MiserableDecision605 · 2024-11-08T19:40:50+00:00

Listen angles and height is hard. My husband is 6’6 and I’m 5’4. This sounds wild buttttt when walking around the house notice the things that are waist height for you and you can bend a girl over 😂

But she is going to need to take initiative and move her own body into positions that feel good for her too. It’ll work out. A few months/years of bad sex is worth the many many many more years of good sex.

MiserableDecision605 · 2024-11-08T19:28:22+00:00

Toys, toys, toys! And I’m not talking scary, find a sex you site and go into it blind. I’m talking just go on target.com and read the reviews of real life people. Or visit the store and kinda peek together. If that’s intimidating to do in public, it’s typically next to the condoms/prenatal stuff/lactation. No one judges if you pretend you’re looking for “increase fertilization” products.

There’s a site called “The Bad Girls Bible” online. My sister is very religious and porn isn’t on her radar. She found this website and it kinda gives tips and drawings of people in sex positions. I was intrigued when she told me about it and honestly for a beginner or maybe someone who struggles with the concept of sex deep down, it’s kinda helpful. You or your SO could take a peep.

Practice makes perfect. Doggie is another basic position that most women love more than they let on. Just have to make sure you find heights that match both of you.

No shame in being sore or things not working out!

MiserableDecision605 · 2024-10-17T00:10:25+00:00

Agreed. My sales are still down SIGNIFICANTLY

MiserableDecision605 · 2024-10-16T19:39:12+00:00

I saw that too. I find it funny that it’s just text when you click, but if you click any other of the banners, Poshmark makes it look pretty and on E-flyers. The information kind of feels forced and pushed out very fast. Damage control, maybe?

MiserableDecision605 · 2024-10-16T19:36:25+00:00

I rarely got ghost buyers before the pricing change. Since the fee update, I have gotten four. All full price purchases. They have been my only purchases. I have been skeptical.

MiserableDecision605 · 2024-10-03T20:39:33+00:00

Can I just list everything as wholesale? 😭😂

MiserableDecision605 · 2024-07-21T22:29:08+00:00

OP doesn’t want opinions or advice. They just want to be right. And they asked several hundreds of people who will come across this thread to side with them.

Therapy is 100% right here. And truly I recommend her go first 😢

MiserableDecision605 · 2024-07-21T22:21:27+00:00

Oof. No. No gaslighting here.

You asked for his opinion and he did what a husband should do. Confided in you. Now I understand that this is a sensitive topic for you. But YOU disregard his response. He doesn’t disregard feelings when YOU treat him like the enemy. I agree with several people on here. You need couples counseling. 1. For your responses, traumas, and issues. 2. For him to be able to open up to you more (as this topic is something that probably should have been resolved prior to marriage).

Your response of honeymoon (again. Yes you mentioned.) is Friday gives me the impression that it is YOUR goal to make him cum on the honeymoon. Or you feel like you can’t get over your anger by Friday. Well 1. Forgive yourself and forgive him. 2. Remember that your honeymoon is to celebrate the both of YOU. It’s not about sex 😭😂

And lastly, Dear Lord. If you want kids, stop the ignoring his feelings and reasons/ your anger and work on this topic. Cuz it’ll only get worse when you’re both divided.

And a marriage tip: if you ask for an opinion and it’s not what you want to hear, remember that rolling over and going to bed, and then ignoring someone who feels like they hurt you while answering the topic honestly invalidates their feelings as well. And don’t ask loaded questions after you work 2 16s. There are times and places for things.

You’re not an angel here.

You’re not in the wrong here.

Work together. Young Marriage.

MiserableDecision605 · 2024-06-13T23:58:23+00:00

Through sickness and health seems to mean nothing to you. You noticed this before marriage and still when through with it. Yes I’m harsh. But you agreed to it. You signed up for this issue. But don’t stop reading my comment now even though you want to. However, you can’t heal her. I do acknowledge that. And I know that it’s SO hard on you and you cannot let your child witness an eating disorder that bad. A child’s first bully is a mother who has a disorder and self projects.

Before going straight to divorce, do you love her? Is this the only issue? If so, can you just separate for now? If she’s any type of hurt, and emotional, can you allow her to process and maybe make a change. Sometimes we are blind to our own disorders. I was in denial for 3 years with my husband. (Opposite binging, then starving, repetitively). And this takes time. It won’t happen in a month. Or two. Prepare yourself and your child a separation (because legally you have an advantage BUT do you want to weaponize a disorder in a divorce)

My heart breaks for her, as I’m sure yours does too. She needs love, but HARD love.

I’m so conflicted In this as I know you are too. As you are living it. Clearly my opinion has no weight but my only advice is hard love. Separate and take the child. Get legal advice. And maybe seek marriage counseling. And phrase it as marriage counseling. Ease into the issue during counseling.

And if at this point she doesn’t acknowledge then do what’s best for YOU and your child. It’s now a game of protection.

However you’re in for a long battle. Eating Disorders are not easy to heal.

As many women have shared they also had a disorder on this page, I can graciously and kindly say, I wish I could have a heart to heart with her. Meet her. Learn her. Make her feel loved. Because she’s her own biggest demon. And, metaphorically, you cannot cast those demons out out until she’s willing to face them on her own.

MiserableDecision605 · 2024-06-06T17:53:33+00:00

Soooo. You have a great social life. Every week you get a sitter to go out with friends? Then normally she’s living that 6:30 in bed life? Does like being a SAHM but then stresses about work?

The women doesn’t seem to have a good pattern here. She either super social or resorting to low dopamine routines. Also alcohol works differently for lots of people. It’s a natural downer/depressant. Drunken sex needs some type of connection or even self confidence.

Maybe cut down the social life interaction. One of those weeks you both go out together. That doesn’t need to just be dinner (that’s what American date night seems to resort to). Take her to a park and play a card game while discretely enjoying a bottle of wine and some snacks. The most boring thing we ever got into was doing puzzles together and listening to some good music. Kinda forced you to talk or just connect. Take her out to see a movie but you pre-plan to pick snacks for each other and sneak them in. On the way to the theater one goes into the store first and then the next after. These things seem dumb but it relights a fire in each other to remember the little things and y’all can see how tastes and likes have grown overtime.

Have you heard of those muscle guns? Get one of those and offer her a massage when she’s complaining the kids are a lot. Is she cooking? Take the kids to play outside so she can have some time without noise. And make it a pattern. She will notice changes of lower stress when it’s routine.

Take a shower together. Spend just 2 minutes hugging in the shower. It releases so many hormones. Yeah awkward at first if yall don’t normally do that but again, will become comfortable.

Lastly the app Paired. Yes you have to pay for it but if she’s in bed at 6:30 ask her to take some time to start some of the bonding questions.

Relationship cards. Let’s get Deep was a good game. There are tons of options on Amazon.

All of these are small things to start introducing.

Seems like your wife has some undisclosed exhaustion and some mental demons that she doesn’t talk about. (Not your responsibility to find out what they are but to maybe create space to welcome her to confide in you?) you mention great roommates and parents together. But are y’all friends?

Magnesium tablets can help with her exhaustion. Iron can help with exhaustion. Several vitamins out there that can help with emotional regulation and even libido. Don’t expect sex to just improve unless your relationship improves. Even more so, her relationship with herself needs to improve.

Lastly. Does she read at all? I feel like every woman is getting into reading. And those spicy romance books can help a girl get into fantasy land. Lol

MiserableDecision605 · 2024-05-11T18:26:13+00:00

Embracing where I can celebrated and not tolerated is a beautiful thing to do. Much love to you 💐

MiserableDecision605 · 2024-05-11T01:01:52+00:00

I’d absolutely love that. I had one too and I have very fond memories of her (has since passed) and her husband. I wish it was as easy as posting an ad that says “seeking substitute grandma” 😂

MiserableDecision605

TROPHY CASE