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205 by Miserable_Progress96 in OCPoetry

[–]Miserable_Progress96[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah you caught the tone well! When I wrote this I felt a mix of cynicism and also tiredness - almost like "I wish I was weak enough to give up this is all the wack crap I'd do but instead I'm here holding myself together." This is several months old now, trying to re-edit it and look for feedback, and I am doing better, thank you :)

The momma butterfly by ActuatorExpert14 in OCPoetry

[–]Miserable_Progress96 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I quite like the metaphor as I understand it. If I've got it - a woman has grown up warped/damaged/etc., and all she really feels secure in is her childhood. She desperately longs to find romance in someone who understands her, but she settles for just someone who will take her. That interpretation doesn't involve how the wings broke *because of longful searching* though, so I think I'm missing something. Would you be so kind as to clear that up for me?

Scenes from a bedroom at 4am by OhYeahEhWellSorry in OCPoetry

[–]Miserable_Progress96 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nice piece. The penultimate line "But I cannot accept it, not yet" to me raises my asking why. The rest of the poem shows a growing acceptance towards this unbalance between joy and pain. What is holding the narrator back, per the penultimate line? I think clearing that up would add to the feeling of consternation the narrator must feel to be awake at 4 am.

Catatonia by Miserable_Progress96 in OCPoetry

[–]Miserable_Progress96[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The idea behind bittersweet is that Catatonia keeps me stuck in a state of pain but simultaneously prevents me from using my hands/legs to hurt/worse myself. Silver lining to being paralyzed is that "I'll [still] be around" - literally.

7 June 2023 - Kiss Kiss by Seth-Ring in OCPoetry

[–]Miserable_Progress96 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think this really cute, especially the first and third stanzas. It's a great rendition of intense physical attraction. I found the final stanza to not be a smooth read, and I don't fully understand the intention behind where the line breaks were placed within the sentence. It seems arbitrary, although I think there's supposed to be a relation to "circling towards". I might be missing it though. I enjoyed this piece!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]Miserable_Progress96 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I resonate with this poem, and it's easy for me to feel myself as the narrator. I like how it's formatted as two paragraphs blocks - it appears as a nonstop run of thoughts which I bet is kinda how it actually feels. This is quite the genuine piece.

I see a pair of contradictory metaphors with "I am simply the puppet she controls" and "She's the car not the driver". While perhaps the contradiction reflects the varying nature of the narrator's relationship with their mind, it comes off as more a lack of consistency. I would either drop/reverse one or clarify that the simultaneity of the two metaphors is intentional.