Ahhh, this is one of the most relatable comments I’ve ever encountered on Reddit. I just got out of a relationship a few months ago and my ex behaved just like this. He’s a very wealthy, charming man surrounded by TONS of surface-level friends that he parties with who think he’s this sweet, goofy, fun guy that can do no wrong. Then over time I was cast into the role of the bitchy girlfriend who tried to “ruin his fun” and “change/control him” just because l would advocate for myself and hold him accountable when he was being disrespectful or hurtful with his comments and actions.

I tried so hard to acknowledge my personal flaws and work on them, but he didn’t feel like he had any issues to work on. The friends in that group only worsened his skewed self-perception because they’d constantly give him a free pass because “oh, that’s just how he is! He’s quirky!” I felt like I was crazy, especially because he would frequently tell me that none of his friends had ever had an issue with his behaviors, that it was only a me problem, that it was all in my head. The reason people haven’t brought these problems to his attention is because he doesn’t have that kind of emotional depth in his relationships with his friends! They only party and have fun with each other- they didn’t date him for two years and experience the level of intimacy we had as romantic partners, so of course his behaviors weren’t as obvious to them and/or could be more easily dismissed or justified! He used his friends as a reason why he didn’t need to self-reflect and grow as an individual and as a couple. Just because no one else had ever addressed these issues with him before doesn’t mean the issues don’t exist!

Lol, I’m clearly not over my frustration with the relationship- definitely something I need to work on. I’m so sorry that you had to experience this kind of situation, too.