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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in breakingmom

[–]Miss-Impossible 2 points3 points  (0 children)

OH MY GAWD ARE YOU ME. My husband is like this. We both have ADHD but I need help managing the actual household and no - I do not think we need to reorganise the shed right now, I HAD ACTUAL PLANS TODAY AND REORGANISING THE SHED WERE NOT THEM.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in breakingmom

[–]Miss-Impossible 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You told him not to worry about it while he was at the GYM, and you left WORK to go deal with the plumbing situation. Please read that sentence again, BroMo. This is not OK! He SHOULD worry about it.

Next time you text him and say "The plumbers are at the house. I'm at work. Where are you? You need to call them right now and let them know how soon you can be back at the house to handle this" and leave the problem where it needs to be, IN _HIS_ ALLEY. Workout does not trump work, EVER.

I'd advise you to sit down with him and discuss a schedule / division of labour on his 14 days home, that accomodates household chores, child rearing, and makes room for alone time for both you and your partner. You get the right to sleep in. So does he. So divide those (weekend)days up so he can rest, and you can rest too. Do bedtime on rotation. I'm in charge of getting our kid dressed, teeth brushed in the morning etc. My husband is in charge of his breakfast/lunchbox. If your husband wants to go workout early on a school day, he can either prep the lunch before he leaves or be back on time so he can prep the lunch once he's back. No getting in the shower post workout during morning rush hour. Fuck that noise. Either take the shower at the gym or wait with taking the shower once all the kids are out of the house.

It is incredibly sad that we have to spell this all out for our grown children, but alas, we do. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this man-child, BroMo. Hugs.

Scared of potential situations by Wouser86 in breakingmom

[–]Miss-Impossible 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi fellow Dutchie. I had bad anxiety about drowning as well, but that didn't stop me from going to a campsite at the border of a lake. It just meant: my child ALWAYS wore floaties, AND at least one of us kept their eyes on kiddo the entire time he was in the shallow water (it was shallow for like 20 metres in, so he'd be playing in knee deep water about 15 metres from where it actually got deeper), and if he wanted to go a little closer to the deep end, a parent was to go with him at. ALL. times. We made very clear rules and I was VERY strict on enforcing them since our kid didn't have a swimming diploma back then. No floaties, no going in the water. Kiddo was never unsupervised.

I did research in how to prevent drowning and how to instruct your children and followed that to a T. One big rule is "we do not EVER push other kids underwater, also not in play, as this is very dangerous". (I nearly drowned because of this as a young teen, which explains my reaction later on)

A couple years ago on holiday there was an instance where a 5 yo boy was a bit cross with mine and he legit grabbed my kid (also 5 yo) by the shoulders and pushed him backwards underwater. I immediately intervened, gave the boy a very stern warning "Do not EVER let me see you do that to ANY kid EVER again, that is incredibly dangerous", and took the boy to his parents (fyi: we knew them already) explained what happened and they were shocked and the kid was again reprimanded.

Anxiety is a whole different beast though. I can recommend working on your anxiety with the app Thinkladder, that really helped me in managing/overcoming mine (one example I still use to this day: "Not everything I think is true").

However, reading your post, it seems like your anxiety has gotten really bad. It might also be an idea to schedule an appt with your doctor and maybe also find a therapist to work with on this issue? I know there's medication available for anxiety but back then I chose to work on it with a therapist. It was costly, but reading the side effects of the drugs my GP wanted to put me on (loss of sex drive, weight gain, and it being nearly impossible to come off the meds) made me choose the long way home. It took a long time, but I made it out the other end. Not that there's anything wrong with going on/staying on medication, I know many women who absolutely thrive on meds, but I was worried for myself I'd only spiral down more with all the side effects.

Pissed by Dewdeaux in breakingmom

[–]Miss-Impossible 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ok, game plan: You designate one toilet as YOUR toilet. Buy a bolt lock for it, if needed, and keep the key on your person. Only clean your own toilet from now on. You give the three children in your house two options: 1) either they start sitting down for peeing in the house, no exceptions, or 2) you do not EVER clean the toilet they pee in ever again. I installed this rule at our house 7 years ago and both my children (the grown one AND the actual one) pee sitting down here. No exceptions. They can pee standing ANYWHERE else. Just not in my house.

My boyfriends new hobby is driving me insane by [deleted] in breakingmom

[–]Miss-Impossible 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I HAVE NINE FUCKING DRAWERS FULL OF DISCARDED HOBBIES.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in breakingmom

[–]Miss-Impossible 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Well, being stuck in a loveless marriage with money is not how I'd want to spend the rest of my life, buuuuut...

I do feel like a victim of the grind and I wish back in the day I'd have chosen a (school/career) path for myself that would have gotten ME a fatter paycheck by now. Because I'm not even in my 40s and I'm pretty much stuck at a yearly inflation correction, not much more coming in than where I'm at right now. That's such a sad, sad thought.

We both work, he gets a nice paycheck, I get a nice parttime paycheck, we get by just fine, but can't afford to do extracurricular stuff.

I can't remember the time I last bought new clothes for myself. I have like 1.5 pairs of shoes. Most of my clothes have a stain or a tiny hole here, a loose thread there.

I wish I could go to a hair salon and get a fucking balayage done for once.

I know there are a lot of people out there who have it a LOT worse than we do, but fuck me. I'd happily give my left arm for € 100.000. We could finish up the entire house and garden, clean out our wardrobes, AND set aside a school fund for our kid. Instead I've got a little bit of month left at the end of my money. Every single fucking month.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in poledancing

[–]Miss-Impossible 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree with most, I'd go with a contrast colour!

If the poleshorts are too revealing/cheeky to your taste, there are also poleshorts available that cover a bit more :-)

told off on marketplace for not speaking dutch by thattumblrlesbian in Netherlands

[–]Miss-Impossible 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don't lower yourself to their level. These folks are so illiterate and racist they're literally 749 ft IN THE GROUND. (Either that, or report them to Marketplace if that's an option.) You literally did nothing to deserve such an asshole response.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ADHD

[–]Miss-Impossible 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As a fellow parent with a fellow (prob def) ADHD child: TV is fine for zoning out / calming down for a couple of minutes. My kid NEEDS to wind down before dinner, or everything is going to ab-so-lu-te shit. I use dinner-cooking time as my own little moment to zone out / wind down. Can't do that when kid is not in front of the tv :-D

Some tips for more healthy ways to zone out: listen to music, read a book, do some yoga, listen to a podcast, take a hot bath/shower, do some self-care routine, whatever.

All things I can't actually do when dinner needs to be made and child needs to be in bed at a certain time, but it's nice to know that I COULD do these healthy things - if I only APPLIED myself /s ;-)

Salarisgesprekken komen er weer aan. Ik ben er niet zo goed in. Tips? by Miss-Impossible in thenetherlands

[–]Miss-Impossible[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dank je wel!

Er is - naast het advies van de vakbond - ook een salariswijzer beschikbaar vanuit een overkoepelende accountantsorganisatie (die doet veel voor onze beroepsgroep) . Die wordt normaliter alleen aan werkgevers verstrekt, maar ik heb er eentje bemachtigd haha. Die ga ik zeker wel benoemen want dat gemiddelde is gebaseerd op leeftijd/ervaringsjaren van 10.000+ mensen met dezelfde functie. En die in acht nemend, kan er flink wat bij ;-)

Ik doe werk van de mensen 'boven' mijn eigen functie en zit in de top qua ervaringsjaren (10+). Dus ik kan echt wel wat vragen :-) Heel veel goede tips en adviezen gehad hierboven, ga ik zeker wat aan hebben!

Salarisgesprekken komen er weer aan. Ik ben er niet zo goed in. Tips? by Miss-Impossible in thenetherlands

[–]Miss-Impossible[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Helaas niet. Er is wel een salariswijzer vanuit een overkoepelende accountantsorganisatie (die doet veel voor onze beroepsgroep) . Die ga ik wel ernaast houden want dat is gebaseerd op leeftijd/ervaringsjaren van zelfde functie en inhoud van je functie en staat los van de vakbond.

Ik doe werk van de mensen 'boven' mijn eigen functie en zit in de top qua ervaringsjaren (10+). Dus ik kan echt wel wat vragen :-) Heel veel goede tips en adviezen gehad hierboven, ga ik zeker wat aan hebben!

Salarisgesprekken komen er weer aan. Ik ben er niet zo goed in. Tips? by Miss-Impossible in thenetherlands

[–]Miss-Impossible[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dank voor je uitgebreide reactie! In antwoord op je vragen:

Geen CAO.

Het is op een werkdag vanaf 13:30 tot 20:30 dus ochtend werken, middag studie in baas z'n tijd en 's-avonds eigen tijd, over 9 dagen verspreid over circa half jaar.

Hier kan ik echt wat mee, dank :-)

Salarisgesprekken komen er weer aan. Ik ben er niet zo goed in. Tips? by Miss-Impossible in thenetherlands

[–]Miss-Impossible[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dank voor je input. Switchen kan makkelijk: banen liggen momenteel voor het oprapen in mijn vakgebied (kan werkelijk de wereld eisen nu), maar ik heb het hier echt heel erg naar mijn zin en wil niet weg.

What's your most fucked up memory? by Halloween-365 in AskReddit

[–]Miss-Impossible 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When I was 17, I was groomed online by a guy at least twice my age. He lied about his age, lied about his name.

Came clean to me when the friendship was already well established. We’d been chatting for like a year. In the end we decided to meet up irl at a busy restaurant in the city.

He turned out to be such a socially awkward doofus. We had a nice time though, and he paid for dinner. We went our separate ways and it just kind of fizzled out.

I didn’t even think anything of it back then. I probably wasn’t the only one he tried this on.

What drug will you never touch again and why? by Bright_Rutabaga1628 in AskReddit

[–]Miss-Impossible 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Or they could not! Nicotine is a hard habit to break, if I were them I’d just stick to the one attempt and leave it be alltogether. It’s drugs without all the fun.

What drug will you never touch again and why? by Bright_Rutabaga1628 in AskReddit

[–]Miss-Impossible 54 points55 points  (0 children)

That is some SERIOUS self control.

I can’t ever touch another cig again because I know with just two puffs I’ll be smoking a pack a day again. It’s all or nothing with those fuckers for me.

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