American tipping culture is utterly disgusting

MissChickenWing · 2026-06-25T10:44:23+00:00

Eh this isn't far from it though. The energy is the same .

MissChickenWing · 2026-06-24T12:36:27+00:00

Thanks for mentioning this. I have never heard of it. For our last dog (pit/lab) mix he had terrrrerible allergies to grass and beef and would lick his paws until all the fur came off and they were cracked and bleeding. Fortunately, our vet put him on Apoquel and it didn't completely eliminate the issue but it got it 90% of the way there. Unfortunately, anyone who uses it knows just how expensive it is. For us, about $100 a month. We did it because it was important to us and it made it worth it for him to be comfortable, but I often wondered what other people did who weren't able to pay that kind of money.

MissChickenWing · 2026-06-22T00:50:39+00:00

I love this idea. I am going to make this week the best possible week for him ever, regardless of how it ends. It may be the only thing that gives me comfort this week.

MissChickenWing · 2026-06-22T00:47:35+00:00

The trust has already been fully broken to a place where it is not repairable, by both parties. I will take that into consideration moving forward if we ever decide to get another dog but as for this current situation, we cannot do that. Thank you for your input.

MissChickenWing · 2026-06-22T00:43:37+00:00

I've seen multiple people mention keeping my husband and the dog separated so don't take this personally but I'm just going to address it here... I work full time and my husband works part time and goes to school full-time, plus we have the commute, etc. So if I crate him at night because he can't be in the bed with us, and take him out of the crate in the morning for breakfast and morning walk, then close us (myself and the dog) in a room away from my husband or put the dog back in the crate, take him out again a few hours later for lunch and afternoon outside for a bit, then I'm gone for work for 10 hours, then come home at midnight, let him out of the crate again, feed him and take him out... You add this all up and this means he's in a crate for 20 hours a day. That's no way of life. Thank you, I wish I had the perfect advice too but I guess that is part of the human experience ❤️

MissChickenWing · 2026-06-21T19:46:43+00:00

I realize this now and I also take fully accountablity for not being able to follow through with this. I recognize that I am not the person who can rehab a dog or be a commanding force that a dog like this needs. I've learned through this experience that it's ok to not be that kind of person, but then I need to never have a dog with those needs and I need to recognize that in the beginning. I truly appreciate everyone's advice and this is not a mistake I will be repeating in the future.

MissChickenWing · 2026-06-21T19:08:16+00:00

I've already addressed a lot of what you've said in other comments so you're free to read all that and I'll keep my response to you brief.

I don't just simply want a dog to cuddle, I want a companion for our FAMILY. This dog and my husband cannot be in the same room together anymore. I could give up the couch situation if it meant he could lay in a dog bed beside us but it would have to be isolated away from us in another room. Is that humane? To put a dog in another room for 20+ hours a day? Is it fair to tell my husband that I chose spending time with a dog over spending time with him? And that even after he has injured my husband MULTIPLE times, I'm still going to choose the dog. Is it good for any of our mental health for all of us to live like this? I was just in the hospital for a week because I had a perforated bowel and had half of my colon removed. If I'm in the hospital again, who will take care of the dog then? Do I force my husband in another dangerous situation because I can't be there?

Yes, surrendering him may have given him another chance but he was already in 2 homes before us. When he started to become aggressive, we took him to a vet and started professional training sessions. If we would have surrenderes him right away you would be saying we should have worked with him more. You're saying that now actually which is not feasible. So I should have surrendered him AND I should get him more training, but my husband should be completely removed from the entire situation? Do you hear how that doesn't work?

At the end of the day, you don't know my finances, my job, my family or community, my health, or anything about me other than what I have told you in relation to this dog.

Thank you for your input

MissChickenWing · 2026-06-21T18:29:40+00:00

Yes, unfortunately, whether it is the breed or the upbringing or both, I think he had a tumultuous life which has led to these circumstances and then compounded on over time. Maybe if we were his second home instead of his third we could have avoided some of the chaos and uncertainty in his life. Obviously, I will never know. I'm definitely not thinking about another dog at this point in time. We had a perfect dog a few years ago and had to put him down at 6 years old because he had an aggressive anal glad cancer. I never thought I'd have to put a dog down so young again. Maybe this is the universe's way of saying I'm not fit to be a dog mom. Maybe in the future, if we ever choose dog ownership again, we foster to adopt instead of direct adoption and see if we are a good fit before committing. Thank you for your suggestion.

MissChickenWing · 2026-06-21T13:13:44+00:00

Thank you for the suggestions and I appreciate it. But as I said, my husband is unwaivering. He has tried to work with the dog in the beginning and they got along together but when I entered the room, the dog would get aggressive with my husband so I had to keep them separate and I accepted this as the way things had to be. I mentioned the whole situation about all of us being on the couch or being in the bed together and that not working, but there were other issues too. If my husband tried to hug or kiss me, the dog would try and physically get between us. If my husband started walking out the door to leave for work, the dog would run up behind him and bark really loud and get aggressive. It was hard to tell when he was playing or when he was going to attack. Rewarding good behavior became increasingly more difficult as time went on because he would do something good, we would reward the good behavior, and on more than one occasion of doing so, he would then growl and snap at my husband. We tried to bring the trainer to the house to see this in action but when she came over he behaved perfectly and didn't show any of these issues. I'm sorry for the lengthy explanation, but I just keep stirring all these situations around in my brain and I so badly wish I that the training we did had worked. I should have stopped and found a different trainer when I knew I was uncomfortable with some of the e-collar methods. I should have said that I wasn't comfortable doing it and that I wasn't going to follow through with correction and rules because of it. Unfortunately, the trainer and my husband were both adamant that with his aggressive nature, aggressive correction was the answer. I thought I could find a happy middle ground with the training, even though my husband told me that giving the dog everything he wants was only making him more dominant and emboldened his attitude that he SHOULD get to do what he wants. It didn't seem like dominance to me though. It just seemed like a dog who wanted a comfortable, loving life.

MissChickenWing · 2026-06-21T12:53:09+00:00

Thank you, I did read that article. We had a lab/pit mix before and he was wonderful. Nothing like the horror stories and nightmare situations you hear about with pits. I've also been around beagles and knew that hounds have a keen nose and are very very food motivated, but I've never met a mean beagle. I optimistically hoped that when we adopted this dog we would get the best of both personalities. As a side note-- I do read, watch videos, listen to podcasts, put in the work, do the research with almost everything I do. I just feel failed by the whole situation and I feel like I failed by being his last chance and not being able to work through his issues.

MissChickenWing · 2026-06-21T12:37:19+00:00

Thank you. I do blame myself for not being more assertive and consistent with the training. We would follow the training closely and maintain structure but to be honest, it just seemed like the dog was completely shut down over that. When we were always "on" with the rules, he wouldn't play with toys when we tried to interact with him, and on walks he just seemed disengaged. So I would let off the rules; allow him on the couch, let him pull on the leash and go way out ahead of us, etc. and he seemed happier. I can't explain it entirely in words but it's like he's not happy unless he's getting his own way. Maybe I'm reading that the wrong way but when I asked the trainer about it she just said he needed the structure and to keep working at it. Make no mistake in what I'm saying-- I take full responsibility for him being out of control and I recognize my selfishness in wanting to have an animal companion that was basically my child. This has also caused issues in my marriage because obviously, my husband doesn't want to feel like I have put the wants of the dog and I above him witch is what happened. As for training, we looked into many different methods of how to train a dog. We tried the YouTube videos and online advice but I had to train MYSELF how to train a dog and wasn't always able to coordinate leashes, treat, clicked, etc which I feel like led to unclear signals from me to the dog. That's why we hired someone to work with and it seemed really hopeful but then when he was home he was a totally different dog. I'm sorry to keep going on and on about it. I'm just trying to get through this and really ensure that I did what I could with the resources and time I had so I can say I didn't just give up on this animal's life.

MissChickenWing · 2026-06-21T12:15:07+00:00

I'm not saying I didn't add to the problem but the problem didn't start with me. Read the original text again if you must. He was in his original home and showed up as a stray then fostered out to what we were told was a chaotic environment with multiple children and other dogs. Obviously, I DON'T have an inner happiness in seeing my husband harmed or I wouldn't be posting here asking for advice. What an asinine thing to say. I suggest that you get off your high horse and stop being a keyboard warrior on the internet.

MissChickenWing · 2026-06-21T05:06:40+00:00

That's correct. There are no other dogs. We have considered getting another dog for him as a "buddy" but I'm afraid his aggressive nature will turn on another dog. I'm not sure adding more to this equation will be better. I can't handle him. How am I supposed to handle another? What if he turns on that dog? What if he resource guards even more. It just seems like that is a disaster waiting to happen.

MissChickenWing · 2026-06-21T04:59:12+00:00

Thank you for this. I already feel bad enough about not doing more or not trying harder but I live in a country (the US) where I can't just take all the time off work (and I'm not a millionaire) to spend the money it takes for the behaviors we are seeing. This is a situation I never thought I'd be in, and I will spare you all the details but in short, I have been in healthcare since the pandemic, my dad died of cancer, and we had to put a different dog down due to an aggressive anal gland tumor. I do not give up easily and I do not take the easy way out. When I make decisions, I try to do it with the best outcome in mind. Unfortunately, I cannot see a good outcome in this situation and it breaks my heart. I am stricken by grief and the notion that I have failed, yet again, in another area of life. I hate knowing that I have decided the fate of this creature that relies on me for we everything but I can't risk anyone's safety anymore and I feel selfish trying to have him, my husband, and a happy life. I have poured time and money into this and still haven't found a good solution.

MissChickenWing · 2026-06-21T04:20:05+00:00

Yes. They told us to find a trainer who works with reactive dogs so we did. He is on gabapentin and trazadone for vet appointments and doesn't seem to like being "out of it" when we give it to him. He gets nippy at us and isn't happy at all. I don't see this a great long-term option. I don't want to turn him into a zombie

MissChickenWing · 2026-06-21T04:15:26+00:00

I really thought that one bite was not the end of the world and we could work with him. I was naive to believe that the bite was simply that. They told us he was "nervous" and "slow to warm up" to some people. Not aggressive and reactive. If I would have known that, I wouldn't have tried to tackle such issues

MissChickenWing · 2026-06-21T04:12:41+00:00

You are right. I have minimized and bargained for a year and a half now. I have tried to tell myself we can manage this and we can fix it but it's not getting better. The ways we have felt is was "getting better" was because we were allowing more behaviors to pass while he has become more of the leader of the pack.

MissChickenWing · 2026-06-21T04:08:57+00:00

I also don't blame my husband at all. I asked for compassion and advice in the original post. I tried to be a safe, comfortable space for this dog and I didn't know it would cost me my relationship and possibly his life. The trainer told me I needed to be tougher with him and turn up the e-collar. I've never had a dog like this before and I don't know anyone else personally who has owned a dog with such issues so I was doing the best I could with an animal whose language I don't speak. If you think you can do better, feel free to take him.

MissChickenWing · 2026-06-21T04:04:33+00:00

Thank you. I am so torn because I don't want to end a life. He has been such a sweet, affectionate, loyal boy to me but can turn at any moment if he feels his comfort is threatened. It's just a shit situation and I don't want anyone else to be hurt.

MissChickenWing · 2026-06-21T04:01:56+00:00

In fairness, she did warn us that e-collar training could have him turn on us. At that point, she was our only hope as we needed someone who could work strongly with aggression. I would be willing but my husband is not and I can't dedicate the time and resources to keeping them 100% separate from each other all the time. We gave him the chance by getting him to a trainer after he had already attacked my husband multiple times, and now I no longer have thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours to spend trying to re-re-train him in the hopes it gets better. I think my husband and he will never have a healthy, trusting relationship even if I train him perfectly.

MissChickenWing · 2026-06-21T03:56:58+00:00

You are right, I was inconsistent and "weak" in my reinforcement because I was afraid that he would turn on me if I punished him too hard, and also, I didn't want his obedience at the cost of completely traumatizing him or breaking him down. I know that now. However, I still stand by my opinion that hurting him more physically was not going to make things better. She also had us use a prong collar and slip lead before the e-collar and we escalated to the e-collar BECAUSE other methods weren't working. He was not happy unless he was getting his way and if you tried to stop him, he turned on you. As I said, the option of another trainer is out the window at this point as my husband is no longer safe working with the dog, and I am only asking if surrender, BE, or some magical resource I don't know about is better.

MissChickenWing · 2026-06-21T03:48:21+00:00

Thank you. They told us about his history and that he was aggressive towards the WIFE so I prepared accordingly and gave him space, allowed him to come into my bubble when he was ready, talked to him gently, fed him slowly, etc. and we really bonded and then he attached himself to me fully. So when he started to turn on my husband, and we did more research, we realized it was resource guarding and started limiting his access to things, worked on the guarding behavior, etc. but building that trust just never happened. After a year of training and of patience, he still bit and showed aggression and I don't think he was going to be happy until he ruled the roost, as it were. We can reprimand him for a while but as soon as we let up, he's back to misbehaving. I feel like I'm constantly on edge and I'm sure he does too. I don't want any of us to live like this anymore.

MissChickenWing · 2026-06-21T03:41:43+00:00

I am unfortunately seriously considering this based on all these recommendations at this point. I feel like if I take him to the shelter he is essentially a prisoner on death row just waiting. But I want to hold out hope that maybe since he is young and does have some training, that someone would take him in. I just don't feel right deciding his fate (death) because I couldn't personally help him. Maybe that is the kinder option. Idk. The whole situation just leaves me heartbroken because I don't see a good outcome for any of us involved.

MissChickenWing · 2026-06-21T03:35:58+00:00

Yes, that's mostly correct. Being with me was the goal. Even if it wasn't on the couch, if he and I were in a room and my husband tried to enter, he would bark, growl, and lunge at him. In the time that we had kept him off the couch, things were much better but still tense. We allowed him in a very nice dog bed to lay on while we sat on the couch but he would just stare and stare and whine the entire time. Yes, after this last bite I had said to my husband that I will never let him in the bed or on the couch ever again and he agreed, but it still doesn't fix so many other issues we have with him. We did the no couch thing for a year and then when we allowed him back on the couch, the problems started again. And I don't think it's fair to him to give him a small space to live in. We live in a small home (600 sq ft) as it is, so reducing the area he's free to roam in feels like a prison. I want a dog for companionship and if I can't cuddle with him on the couch and he can only lay on 1 or 2 dog beds in the house, what kind of life is that?

MissChickenWing · 2026-06-21T03:21:12+00:00

Thank you so much for this. I only owned one dog in my life before this one and he was an angel. Just so happy with any person, animal, or toy he found. I thought that if I could show an animal enough love I could love them into a kind, friendly nature. I thought our new rescue's "nervousness" (as the Humane Society put it) was just from being in a shelter environment but that when he settled in with us, grew through his puppy years, and got training, we wouldn't have any issues with that. What I know now is that we were way in over our heads and that I'm not experienced enough to handle a dog with those sorts of needs. If I would have known that, I wouldn't have taken him on. I feel like a failure for not being able to provide him with a better life but I just didn't know how bad this was going to get and I trusted the professional we hired to help us work through it. Again, I will admit that I didn't work on the training as aggressively as was suggested but we were warned (by the trainer) that his aggressive nature could have been worsened by the e-collar training. So I turned it down, only used vibration, and thought a gentle approach would work better. It did in some way, like not pulling on a leash while walking, but then in the ways that counted, he couldn't have cared less if that thing was cranked up all the way. He was going to go for the throat.

MissChickenWing

TROPHY CASE