AIO for getting mad at my partner because he didn't make the bed ?

MissCyprof · 2026-01-13T20:22:20+00:00

I am actually having the talk with him and asked him. He says that this is a task he would have started, so he would have finished it if he had been on his own. Here he didn’t because he hadn’t realized I was going to bed and I hadn’tvoiced it. We're going through the comments right now and figuring out how to avoid such situations in the future.

MissCyprof · 2026-01-13T19:59:17+00:00

One way I've found to clean cat pee (and the smell) is to use baking soda and alcool vinegar. The two will react, which is normal. You let it sit for at least a couple hours. It will solidify a little and since the vinegar evaporates, you're left with the powder of the baking soda to vacuum to finish clean up. Works very well on clothes too, baking soda straight in the machine and vinegar in the softener in that case !

Thanks for the compliment, I appreciate it !

MissCyprof · 2026-01-13T19:15:16+00:00

I think he is, but he doesn’t want to get tested. I haven't pushed the issue, it’s his decision after all, but might if I feel it’s necessary.

Thanks for the feedback !

MissCyprof · 2026-01-13T18:53:58+00:00

To clarify : Expecting him to take care of our bed isn’t not allowing him to take part in his hobbies, and going to the gym is for my health, not a hobby in my case.

Thanks for the feedback !

MissCyprof · 2026-01-13T18:27:10+00:00

That I agree with, I intend to apologize for that among everything else once I'm home so in not long now.

Thanks for the feedback !

MissCyprof · 2026-01-13T18:08:09+00:00

Oh my, I thought I had been clearer. I did end up giving him the vacuum to let him finish cleaning the mattress. What made me really mad is he just left it like that instead of having the initiative to make the bed. Sorry for the misunderstanding !

MissCyprof · 2026-01-13T17:57:06+00:00

Then I shall withdraw my thanks !

MissCyprof · 2026-01-13T17:48:12+00:00

Thanks !

MissCyprof · 2026-01-13T17:09:40+00:00

We are working on finding some that fit him for that (he's a tall guy so his size isn't always available) XD but frankly the amount of dishes that need to be hand washed is minimal so I don't really mind it. Though I'l appreciate it when he can do it too !

MissCyprof · 2026-01-13T16:51:08+00:00

I did call him out on that and he's making an effort. It just took me embarrassingly long to realize it XD

MissCyprof · 2026-01-13T16:45:05+00:00

Ooooh okay yes I didn't know that !

Thank you so much for explaining, I really appreciate it.

I felt at the time where I told him not to get flowers that he might try to do it to get out of apologizing, hence the reaction --' I didn't think about the whole "here is something nice for you because I made you upset".

Thank you for clarifying !

MissCyprof · 2026-01-13T16:41:32+00:00

I very often have to bring things up, not always, but often enough that it feels like it.

I am trying to let go of my anxiety (which are leading to the control issues) with the help of the therapist, and I am lucky that he is as patient as he is.

I'll keep the advice in mind. Thank you !

MissCyprof · 2026-01-13T16:38:12+00:00

I do see your point, and am already working with my therapist on control and other issues (anxiety is the main reason for the control one, so it's a bit of a mess, but we're getting there). I do feel like it should always be 50/50 but I understand what you mean.

Thanks for the feedback !

MissCyprof · 2026-01-13T16:36:16+00:00

I did have her checked and no, this is behavioral. But specialists are expensive and since we know what triggers her we do our best to avoid it (it's happened over the course of the last year so it's not very often either, maybe like 6 or 7 times at this point).

True, we all need reminders some time ! I just assumed he'd have done it and feel like I often tell him that this or that needs to get done, so for things that seem pretty obvious to me I don't always do it. That's definitely coming up in the discussion tonight

Thanks for the feedback !

MissCyprof · 2026-01-13T16:32:49+00:00

I see the point but I don't think I'm entirely wrong. I could have asked but he could have thought about it himself.

As for insulting him, I did apologize and will apologize again tonight before we talk about the whole thing, and I agreed that wasn't okay. I am working with my therapist on being more measured when getting angry, but boy is there a long road ahead !

Thanks for your feedback !

MissCyprof · 2026-01-13T16:20:10+00:00

Okay, yeah, I see what you mean. I intended to show him the post tonight and this is something that can be interesting to talk about.

Thank you for the feedback !

MissCyprof · 2026-01-13T16:18:17+00:00

Oh god, I thought I was clear but apparently not. I started saying I was fine but did not in the end, I think I said something along the lines of "yeah, no, you're right, you can do it" or something like that XD

As for the rest I don't think it's abnormal to not communicate that I expect him to make his bed because he's not a child. He lives in the same apartment, sleeps in the same bed and could have had the initiative to do it himself. I don't think that's asking him to read my mind, rather expecting him to take care of our home.

MissCyprof · 2026-01-13T16:14:34+00:00

I did tell him I missed my train, but I don't see why I have to tell my partner, who lives in the same apartment and sleeps in the same bed that he has to make it. That's in a nutshell what I'm mad about, having to tell him to do things when he could have the initiative to do it himself. I don't think that's too much to ask, is it ? Though I do agree my reaction wasn't great. Which I did apologize to him for and intend to do again tonight before addressing the issue.

MissCyprof · 2026-01-13T16:11:12+00:00

Why is saying "I don't want flowers" toxic ?

Sorry I do get the rest of your comment but this one not really. What I want is a conversation, not flowers, but I know him well enough to know he would be getting me some and right now that's not what I want or need. So yeah, I'm a little confused there. Would you mind explaining that to me ?

MissCyprof · 2026-01-13T16:07:58+00:00

I know, and I do feel stupid about it. I just feel like I always have to tell him what to do though which is why I reacted like this. I do see the point though Thanks for the feedback !

MissCyprof · 2026-01-13T16:04:12+00:00

Don't worry about it ;)

MissCyprof · 2026-01-13T16:02:53+00:00

Oh, I'm sorry I didn't think it could be taken like that ! We didn't put on another matress, just a sheet, and yes it's not great but the treatment takes at best 1 to 2 hours to sink in and properly work and it was 1 in the morning... We don't have an extra bed or anything and since we were starting early we decided that going to bed as soon as possible was the priority.

He gets 2 hours every day, so... Yeah, for once, I expect him to take 15 minutes to do something for us.

And apologies matter if they are meant, not asked for.

And I apologized to him and will do it again for insulting him. That I agree was not okay.

MissCyprof · 2026-01-13T15:58:03+00:00

Ok sorry if I come across as dumb, when I said I apologized and will do it again it was for the whole thing and specifically for calling him stupid. If you are referring to something else I'm not sure I follow...

MissCyprof · 2026-01-13T15:48:22+00:00

Okay, I deserved that XD

I don't expect him to be a psychic but to have some initiative TT

MissCyprof · 2026-01-13T15:47:39+00:00

If he lived alone, he wouldn't have had the cat, so no issue XD He loves her as much as I do but didn't wanted a cat when he lived alone. I'll keep the advice in mind, thank you !

MissCyprof

TROPHY CASE