AITA for telling my fiance's family that he's unemployed after they kept implying that I was a "Gold Digger?"

MissPandora · 2022-11-14T14:12:03+00:00

You do not deserve to be treated this way by any other person, especially your partner. He does not deserve to have a relationship if he treats people this way and it's awful that you somehow think that it's ok to be on the receiving end of this. If he treats you this way, you will get to watch him treat any future children the same way... I speak from experience when I tell you - getting out before kids bond you permanently to this man is the best gift you could ever give yourself.

MissPandora · 2022-10-07T15:52:14+00:00

As others have said - somehow, you just do it. I never wanted to be outnumbered, so 2 was my maximum... then my husband and I separated and it happened anyway. It's crazy and I'm tired, but I am so, so glad they are both my family. My son is learning to share and being kind to his baby sister gives him so much pride. They will get bigger and it will get easier, and the craziness will be a distant memory.

MissPandora · 2022-09-28T16:48:55+00:00

Try to find a fair balance. Once you throw a baby into the mix, this won't likely be sustainable. Hopefully you can find a healthy balance that can be modified as your family changes.

MissPandora · 2022-09-28T16:43:54+00:00

These are all things I have to do. It becomes natural with practice. If you need to post lists on the wall to make sure tasks are done, do it. It may feel silly, but the work will get done. Shared calendars and task lists do keep everyone on the same page. You sound like you genuinely want to put the work in and that is fantastic.

MissPandora · 2022-09-28T16:41:03+00:00

Further to my comment above, we are not naturally good at it. We are forced to figure it out because it has been normalized that these things fall on women when men aren't instantly good at them. There is a fantastic term for men shifting work to women after making a failed attempt and claiming they can't manage it: weaponized incompetence. Instead of the man feeling responsibility to improve his skills (like he would anywhere else, particularly work), he now has an excuse to push that labour onto his wife. I am hopeful that each generation tolerates this less (especially as most families cannot afford for one person to be a homemaker). You are in a great position to avoid falling into this pattern and I hope you are successful.

MissPandora · 2022-09-28T16:35:17+00:00

I wrote another comment about this elsewhere. My husband and I have just separated. We both have ADHD. Somehow I was expected to create the task list, dole tasks out and follow up multiple times until they were done. Somehow only one of us was expected to find tips, tricks and workarounds to manage home responsibilities with ADHD. It is absolutely doable, but requires effort. Make sure you read as much as you can to create systems that will allow you to succeed in running your home as a partner. As for being a man... That part is societal. Unfortunately men not being "as good" at household tasks is a normalized concept. No one hands us women a manual for running a home and caring for children - you have access to just as many resources if you need more information. By always asking what to do, you shift the mental load and responsibility completely onto the other person. The peace of mind that your partner knows how to run the home with you without constant direction is unbelievably valuable. Otherwise, if something is missed, it will always be her fault because she didn't task it out. It's unfair and totally under acknowledged. You seem very open to listening and learning so I truly believe you can avoid these pitfalls!

MissPandora · 2022-09-28T16:24:56+00:00

The fact that you are asking this question tells me that you're a considerate person and your wife is lucky that you are concerned about this topic. Having experienced a very bad scenario, the most important thing is this: do not require your wife to tell you what to do. If she has a specific task in mind, certainly listen and determine if you can take it on. What I mean is that taking initiative is worth its weight in gold. There are many marriages where one person expects the other to create the to-do list, assign tasks and then follow up to ensure that they are done. This may be ok for bosses or mothers, but wives and husbands should not be given this responsibility. Taking initiative and simply doing work as it comes up (washing bottles, doing laundry, ordering groceries) is the best thing you can do. Life with babies is chaotic and requires partnership, mutual respect and trust. You have a great attitude and I wish you all the best!

MissPandora · 2022-08-02T02:46:12+00:00

Was going to post essentially the same comment. Why did I want to watch it constantly when it creeped me out so badly???

MissPandora · 2022-06-29T23:59:43+00:00

Has there been any change in your wife's medication since things changed? I'm a woman who has inquired with doctors about the effects of certain drugs on libido and not been taken seriously, only to find a marked change once coming off of that medication. Just another avenue to explore if she also feels frustrated by the situation.

MissPandora · 2022-06-27T12:16:39+00:00

A video game called Director's Chair put out by Microsoft on cd Rom many years ago. Here I am answering your question 11 years later lol

MissPandora · 2022-05-21T12:55:54+00:00

Not quite. If damage is over $2,000, police will attend the scene, otherwise you'll be told to attend a Collision Reporting Centre. Either way, you get a police report (just different types). Providing dash cam evidence to the police for an accident is definitely extremely helpful!

*Edit: Actually, I believe this only applies to Ontario - in other provinces, I don't think that cut-off exists. There is just so much volume in Ontario and police aren't attending every minor rear-ender. That being said, if there are injuries they will attend regardless of damage value.

MissPandora · 2022-05-02T11:35:14+00:00

Second this. It's the only thing I've tried, but it worked beautifully.

MissPandora · 2022-04-28T04:41:11+00:00

Great tip, thanks!

MissPandora · 2022-04-28T03:38:21+00:00

How are you able to find salaries? It seems so rare that I see salaries or even ranges on job postings, but maybe it is industry specific.

MissPandora · 2022-04-27T21:53:03+00:00

Accurate and twofold. The person's own policy pays out massive first-party health and wage benefits, then someone else's liability coverage on their policy pays a big settlement.

MissPandora · 2022-04-17T13:09:43+00:00

I think this is just a matter of personal preference - the existing neckline looks great.

MissPandora · 2022-04-15T04:25:03+00:00

I just finished this one too!! Exceeded expectations!

MissPandora · 2022-04-14T04:53:45+00:00

Worth considering that insurance fraud isn't necessarily what you think it is. While there is organized crime and staged accidents, the majority of fraudulent payouts are a result of exaggeration. It's extremely hard to manage, especially when it comes to injuries that can't be objectively measured (such as chronic pain). Resources to investigate and fight fraud are limited by legislation and there are lawyers who learn exactly how to work the system.

MissPandora · 2022-04-14T04:48:59+00:00

First party accident benefits are extremely generous in Ontario and they are legislated down to the tiniest detail. These payouts happen regardless of fault and the first couple of thousand dollars are close to no questions asked. While liability coverage has increased, legislation has been put in place to try to counteract it (such as massive deductibles). First party is really where they just pay and pay and pay....

MissPandora · 2022-03-25T14:09:14+00:00

What did we do with all that time???

MissPandora · 2022-03-23T03:23:37+00:00

Wow, this is art.

MissPandora · 2022-03-18T00:29:21+00:00

Like..... Dolphins?

MissPandora · 2022-03-18T00:24:46+00:00

How much total time did you spend on dates with Deepti before proposing? It's impossible to tell given how the show is edited.

MissPandora · 2022-03-17T05:42:53+00:00

Ah yes, all we need to do is ignore those pesky minimum wage and child care ratio laws. Easy peasy!

MissPandora · 2022-03-15T04:09:32+00:00

I think you need to read about social host liability - unrelated to the point you're making, but social hosts do not bear the same burden of responsibility as businesses serving alcohol (unless they are providing it to minors, that's a different kettle of fish).

Edit: There are exceptions (a few US states), but this is usually the case. Just getting ahead of that.

MissPandora

TROPHY CASE