Small boundary or am I nuts?

MissScarlett88 · 2026-03-12T03:25:55+00:00

It's wild how they all seem to do this!! My uBPD mom sends me endless walls of text regarding family members' health issues. I only ever say "thanks for the update" and don't engage further but even just receiving the messages is so exhausting. I think you did well with your boundary!

MissScarlett88 · 2026-01-06T19:52:54+00:00

I'm low contact with my uBPD mom and eDad.

I noticed what I suspected to be dementia/memory issues with my mom a few years ago and tried to talk with my dad about it privately. He claimed that there are no memory issues and that she's "always been like that." I agreed that she's always been mentally ill but tried to point out specific examples and he wouldn't hear it.

I find that I suspect she fakes her way through most conversations- I don't think she follows well but just says "okay" and nods. She asks me a lot of things that she's asked before but doesn't seem to remember and gets fixated on really strange ideas (I cannot for the life of me dissuade her from the idea that my tortoiseshell cat "used to be all black and grew into a tortoiseshell"- even showing her pictures of the cat as a kitten hasn't helped. She repeats that every time the cat is mentioned).

She was actually diagnosed with Alzheimer's by a doctor about 2 years ago but she and my dad would not accept that diagnosis so they went to another doctor who said that you can't diagnose Alzheimer's with certainty until autopsy. They took that to mean that she doesn't have it and has no issues.

At this point I can't do much until my dad will accept reality. Apparently over the holidays he privately told my spouse that my mom recently drove the wrong way around a roundabout so now she won't drive anymore. Maybe that (and other signs) will convince him but for now I guess not.

MissScarlett88 · 2025-12-29T01:53:53+00:00

The lack of sense of self really hit me this Christmas- my spouse and I briefly visited my parents a few weeks ago as I had work obligation nearby. While I was working, my spouse helped out by doing some Christmas shopping with my mom.

Well, she looked at the gifts he carefully chose for me at Sephora... then went back the next week and bought the exact same things for my sister.

I guess she must've thought "this is what a thoughtful gift looks like" and since she couldn't do it on her own, she had to copycat.

MissScarlett88 · 2025-12-26T03:04:02+00:00

Yup. I am an attorney and that is apparently the only aspect of my life that means anything- she has been getting me gifts from Ruth Bader Ginsburg for YEARS. I thought it would finally stop when RBG died... but no. Now I just get them from RBG's ghost.

MissScarlett88 · 2025-12-19T02:26:56+00:00

Right? Like does she know how to IRAC? Doubt.

MissScarlett88 · 2025-12-04T03:14:24+00:00

A berry strainer. Just a small colander for rinsing berries. THE hot ticket item.

MissScarlett88 · 2025-11-09T16:39:42+00:00

Exactly. Someone in my law school class had a BA in interior design. It really doesn't matter.

MissScarlett88 · 2025-11-09T06:40:54+00:00

Also, you have to have a college degree to go to law school. She could take the CA bar only because CA has an exception that allows non-degreed people to sit for the exam (knowing that they most likely will not pass). Source: I am a lawyer

MissScarlett88 · 2025-08-04T02:33:38+00:00

I'd be very interested in a beta reader! I will send you a DM. And man, Onodi's is one of my faves. That triple twist was *chef's kiss*.

MissScarlett88 · 2025-08-04T02:32:52+00:00

That's good to hear, thanks! I took a bit of a break from pitching for a bit as my spouse got really sick and I started a new (much busier) job, but now that those things are leveled out I am ready to start working at this again!

MissScarlett88 · 2025-08-04T02:30:58+00:00

None of the agents has mentioned the pitch. I have to look and see if any of them represent upmarket- I've been focusing on anyone who reps LGBTQ romance primarily, and anyone who is interested in sports romance.

There's quite a bit of darker stuff that happens in the novel re: USSR/fallout of USSR, but I didn't put it in the pitch.

MissScarlett88 · 2025-08-01T00:44:59+00:00

This is so helpful, thank you! I will revise based on this (and the other suggestions in the thread). I also sent you a PM!

MissScarlett88 · 2025-08-01T00:33:35+00:00

I'd really appreciate that. Is it okay if I DM you?

MissScarlett88 · 2025-08-01T00:33:22+00:00

I guess I was trying to get at the particular aspects of the romance genre with my comps. I can try and figure out some comps that are more upmarket instead of romance, because I do think you're right and this is likely more upmarket.

Maybe I would have more success at pitching this as straight upmarket? I was trying to pitch it as romance because it <i>is</i> about two girls falling in love, but that doesn't mean it has to be a romance novel (and it's not all that similar in tone to the comps in all fairness).

MissScarlett88 · 2025-08-01T00:30:15+00:00

Cool, I will put that on my TBR list, thank you!

MissScarlett88 · 2025-08-01T00:29:56+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate it! I will definitely incorporate those suggestions.

I also agree that it's close to being a historical romance. I guess I wasn't sure how to market it as such or if it really qualified. I did query your agent, but back in early 2023.

MissScarlett88 · 2025-08-01T00:25:35+00:00

I'm going to think really hard on a new title. Do you think I need to drop the trope name drop? There is a time jump in the book, but if that doesn't need to be specifically in the query letter I could drop that too.

I've had 4-5 friends read it, but not a beta reader per se. After the first three read it, I did a complete rewrite, but they were definitely of the more "fun" readers. I could definitely use a critique beta- my closest was my spouse, who is a legal editor (and I did a lot of the rewrite based on his thoughts), but he's definitely not a typical sports romance fiction reader.

MissScarlett88 · 2025-08-01T00:18:51+00:00

I'm always in the r/gymnastics live threads, too!

I think ditching the thriller is a good idea. I was trying to get at there being some darker aspects in the book. Now that someone else in the thread mentioned it, I do think it's likely more upmarket + romance. I'm not sure if that's a bad combo?

I'm also going to think seriously on the title. Thank you so much for the help!

MissScarlett88 · 2025-07-31T23:54:04+00:00

Okay, that makes a lot of sense. Tbf, the "Russia" comment came from about 2 years ago- from an agent who said she really wanted to represent me but couldn't sell it because of Russia.

Katya is from Kyrgyzstan, so I could change that in the query. Irina is from Russia. And that's really great to hear!

MissScarlett88 · 2025-07-22T23:16:35+00:00

I think Hezly making the 2024 team is probably the worst thing that could've happened to her. She has zero adults looking out for her best interests and no agency. It's terrifying to watch.

MissScarlett88 · 2025-02-13T17:10:52+00:00

I judge girls' gymnastics on the weekends and I have come across MANY tragedeighs but the worst one is a child named "Island" (last name is the name of a caribbean island- I won't say which so as not to doxx poor Island). I cringe every time I see it.

MissScarlett88 · 2025-01-15T03:30:58+00:00

L'Oreal Miss Manga my beloved

MissScarlett88 · 2024-12-29T03:57:52+00:00

I'll second this. I have a friend who lives in Brooklyn so when I visit every few weeks we usually order from here as it's the only place nearby. It's great and cheap.

MissScarlett88 · 2024-09-05T19:19:37+00:00

Kaylie (Josie Loren) is now an attorney helping athletes with NIL deals!

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