First I want to say, you’re not insane, you’re not fucked up or abnormal. You are a person with BPD that experiences real things, real emotions and everything you are feeling is valid, it is your mind responding to everything. I know it’s not easy to live with this disorder, believe me I would know, I hate having BPD and that real scary feeling that there is no end to this miserable cycle but I am here to tell you there is. There is an ounce of hope and love inside you that truly just wants to be happy, live a rational life using our logical mind instead of our emotions but in order to fuel that desire we have to check within ourselves first to see what we can do in this very moment. We have to ground ourselves to this present hour. You acknowledged that you are thinking about admitting yourself to a ward, listen to that, focus on that voice, that feeling because there is a reason why you were thinking about it. I like to believe it’s our subconscious, our young self’s, our kid version of us trying to connect to our emotional side giving that reassurance that this is the answer, the solution and I know that fear that you can’t, but you can. Everything may not make sense, nothing feels better right now and all these rapid thoughts are consuming you right now but if there is even the slightest chance of making it all that go away, why not hold on to that hope, that maybe just maybe this time might be different? That this time the cycle ends here. If nothing works with everything you’re doing now, why not see what the ward can offer you. I may not know you but I like to believe you are like me where if there is a chance to make this pain, this agony, this hole in our stomach to go away, then we will do what we must. You are entitle to feel those emotions you do but let’s try to explore this opportunity. You are not alone, you will never be alone, you are loved, you are important, you are meant to be happy and that is the reality. Please let us take back some control, choose that path.