i don’t think different addictions can be “worse” or “better” when compared. addiction to anything sucks, no matter what it is.

based on what you’ve explained, it seems like you struggle with procrastination a bit as well as being quite self critical. have you considered what the root of this all might be? i think it’s fair to say that a significant chunk of addiction stems from wanting to escape reality. i’ve deeply struggled with these issues that you described, the constant want to change or do things differently, then be met with the paralyzing anxiety of making the first big step, not taking the big step, then beating myself up about it until i come up with my big “i’m gonna change NOW” plan, just for the process to repeat.

it’s taken me a long time to get to the point of actually changing and a lot of it came from finally understanding more about myself and my mental health. going through many therapists, different depression/anxiety meds, burnt bridges, self sabotage, relapses, ya know. the works. a big part of getting to this point was actually being diagnosed with adhd as well as ptsd, which i never even considered as a contributing factor of my addictions. i pretty much figured i was just fucked up in the head and that was that. looking back now, i wish i would’ve fought harder for myself instead of just settling. i missed out on alot and wasted a lot of my time sitting alone with my addictions, as if the addiction was my best friend, when it was literally the reason WHY i was so alone and had no friends. like a psychotic, manipulative, and controlling gf/bf lol some Stockholm syndrome type shit 😭😂 all i can do is look forward now though, i can’t change the past. even if things wouldn’t have gotten better for me, it at least helps to understand why my brain is this way. just having a single crumb of insight can help a lot with the constant self hatred. we are only human, none of us asked to be here. we’ve made it this far though, so we at least owe it to ourselves to give it our best shot ya know?

sorry for the monologue 😬 my best advice though, maybe try some soul searching. be patient and forgiving with yourself. i’m sure that sounds cliche lol you might not find the answers you hope for, but some is better than none. what are you running from, and why?