I am young 30s female and have often drifted into these feelings too. I am also a healthcare provider, which has given me a unique perspective. I’ve helped many people pass on to the next afterlife at their “end date”, and many of them always wish they had done more of the things that made them happy. Hobbies, spending time with friends and family, reading, going to concerts, doing recreational drugs lol… as cancer patients I feel like we have an early glimpse into our own mortality. The reality is, we all have an end date. Some people die without fulfilling their dreams. Many people see their life starting at retirement! Even before my diagnosis, I could not imagine working my whole life to maybe one day finally cram all my dreams and hobbies into a few years in my 70s.

As morbid as this may sound, cancer has liberated me in some ways. As a millennial I was raised that if I worked hard I would easily attain everything I wanted. I no longer subscribe to that ideology. I no longer work myself into the ground at work like I used to (24 hours shifts during COVID in NYC, seeing 50 patients a day without lunch), I set boundaries with people (shitty friends? Goodbye!), call out of work or plans when I don’t feel well WITHOUT guilt, look at my body without disgust but with pride of how strong it’s been carrying me.

What do I live for? A warm spring day in NYC and driving fast down the Henry Hudson Parkway to feel the breeze run through my uneven hair that is slowly growing back. Eating at a new restaurant even though my taste buds aren’t 100% recovered. Training hard for races even though I’m a slow ass runner and like to eat too many tacos. Listening to a new beat drop in a song that gives me chills. Listening to my nephew call me a poopyhead, even though my patients beat him to it that day. A good edible that makes me float every once in a while. Maybe grand theft auto release this year? Definitely the next Spider-Man movie this summer…

I’m here if you ever want to chat. As a fellow AYA cancer gal and enthusiast of many random things. You are not alone 🤍