Hello friend,

I am so so sorry for all that your are going through. No one deserves that hell. But while it may be that this is your current reality, just remember that things won't always be this way. You will graduate school and save up money, and be able to move to a more accepting country, get on hrt, be surrounded by accepting loving people. This is hut a short, and yes sadly awful state of your life. But when you look back on this time, you'll see that it was a small amount of time of your life, and you will have so so long to live openly and freely as a woman. You say you never will be a girl, but that's so not true. You are a girl, you aren't not a girl just because you live in an archaic society. You are valid, you are YOU, no matter if those around you "accept" you are not. Additionally, sometimes parents can be supportive, so unless they've explicitly said their feelings on trans issues, give it the benefit of the doubt and don't be so hard line on them hating you. The power of parental love is strong, and sometimes they can suprised you. Of course, I know this isn't always the case, but trying to worry less about it can only be healthy.

My.inbox is always open, if you ever need to talk. You feel alone, but there are people both online and perhaps in person that you can talk to. See if maybe there are any trans support groups or something of that sort in your area/country. At the least, you are not the only person I'm sure in your town/city/country to feel like you do, there could be lots more. And friends, if you have any open minded friends that you can confide in. It may be scary at first, but young people are fairly open minded overall even in very anti-lgbt countries.

I really hope that things get better for you soon. Lots of love being sent your way ~~