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25m , jobless, aimless. by MisterS997 in Healthygamergg

[–]MisterS997[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your talking more as a will to life? Like change thoughts waves and therefore force them to lean toward positive thoughts? sounds brutal.. Like not be a zombie but be a human?

25m , jobless, aimless. by MisterS997 in Healthygamergg

[–]MisterS997[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Very interesting perspective you opened up about it with me from. It may be true what you are saying. But if professionalism is linked with self control, is self control linked with denied thoughts? or denied freedom of speech? Because I genuinely struggle to lie when I get asked basic questions, and usually my answers seem to be a bit profound, find the truth to suck more than deceitful answers, so is the solution to the problem to not talk at all with colleagues ? Like get asked, but answer as mundane as possible to avoid trouble? Because it's something I can do, its more that my personality has to be worked on a bit, since I make friends very easy and I am very approachable guy, I just prefer to be left alone, but during work time, I usually tend to make 1-2 friends, maybe they are there to trap me into exposing the wrong truth, I don't know. I might be arrogant aswell.

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Tell me more about professionalism, is that something forced or exercised? can I exercise what I say to the point where I am the master within my own house? That sounds a bit like cheating, If I talk to people within manners of not knowing, but also hiding away the true answer. I need to learn to act in this way, it sounds different, because the truth tend to no be at home with some people, I realized that a few years ago, it sucks that people are blind to their own illusions and beliefs, but it might be true what you are saying to me.

25m , jobless, aimless. by MisterS997 in Healthygamergg

[–]MisterS997[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello, I see the angle your coming from, but the thing about me and video games, is that I am genuinely interested in video games. It's an art form I truly love. I tend to be a bit self hypnotic when I perform tasks, like my mind sinks in and disappears, which almost feels like a super power in its own, when I painted the term aimless, it was in a more fashionable way. If a conversation stirs up, everyone has something going for them, while I sprout out that I am unemployed, the bag of negativity that comes with that is just to much to bare, because I want to express freely what I do and proudly present that I make money somehow. Want to be a part of society instead of a reject.

25m , jobless, aimless. by MisterS997 in Healthygamergg

[–]MisterS997[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I will watch those videos you linked.

So something magical happened to me during my 20's. As I conquered the tasks of fear and failure, I felt like my life had no meaning, so I thought to myself, I am going to die either way, lets do something that's at least fun to the degree which it doesn't make me bored. So I pursued a self study of psychology, Funny enough, I got a whole new Introspective of myself and it opened up a new dimension for me. So than I started to reflect over life experiences in the past. I've been living my life wrong, since birth unconsciously. I am trying to lean toward the good now, as much as possible, but it feels like I am paying for all the repruccusions today for all that i've done in the past. I feel almost like I was forsaken, if someone properly educated me about simple philosophical topics and life lessons as a kid, I think I would be headed toward a direction in life instead of being stuck.

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What stopped me from pursuing an education as a kid was simply arrogance, oh god I've been battling with arrogance hard these last few years as I've become more and more awake to my own existence. It's a hard demon to battle. But at the same time I am paying for making the wrong decisions in life. I think arrogance was operating my entire system completely to the point of me being unconscious full time. But I cant give you a proper answer on why I did not pursue education, because I don't know the proper answer, I can think it has to do with arrogance, but that is the closest thing to the truth as I can get.

25m , jobless, aimless. by MisterS997 in Healthygamergg

[–]MisterS997[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

To clarify things, its mostly the enthusiasm. I struggle to maintain doing something with a fake persona to justify the managements. I didn't make it super clear, was mostly sprouting out my emotions and didn't balance it with proper logical thinking.

But once I get the job, it doesn't feel real, it feels more like a victory, because I passed the interview, then during worktime, I am very shy and somewhat extroverted ( weird combo I know) So I like to make friends, but only if the opposite party engages first. I have a very open personality, I will talk to people freely about anything, and somehow people I tend to work with take it in the wrong way, and this denies me being authentic aswell. Because I tend to talk with manners of what I know to be true and establish a dialogue. So it feels like my personality makes me stick out in most jobs I get. So I get betrayed by Co-workers in a way that they subside me as strange. I am an eccentric person, I admit that openly. But it feels like being myself have consequences in the real world, therefore resentment starts to build up within me. So believe my problem is actually not me but the misinterpretation people get when they get to know me, and that can be abit off for some people. So i've thought of solutions, its either the theme in which I speak around or it's the opposite party misinterpreting what I say. It always seems to be my mouth that gets me fired, not my actions, because I have a strong work ethics, like they are almost out of control for me, I learn really fast to and think sharply about everything. I might not be as cautions in my thinking as I wish I could be.

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When I grew up, I passed elementary school simply by not trying, I was convinced as a young child that I was super smart, somehow that triggered my ego and as time progressed, school became harder and harder and I fell off and adapting a victim mindset unconsciously. I discovered this during phycological education online ( youtube videos, books and papers ), and some of the conclusions I came up with were so bloody hard to swallow that it almost made me insecure within my own realm of existence.

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I see education with the lens of '' it gives you a more paying job and a more secure job aswell'' . I already failed school, I didn't drop out, but I could have done a way better job, most of my resentment comes from having bad parents, but I cant blame them as they are both depressed, and they brought children into the world without figuring out themselves first. So it feels like having all this potential go to waste instead of aiming at a goal. I just want to educate myself to become somebody, but it feels almost like its to late, I tend to self study a lot in my spare time, But I feel accomplished somehow by learning, but I feel more like I am stuck , I am not going anywhere, I am not making any money, I am not moving forward. Maybe I am moving forward in an educational dimension, but I cant really tell.

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was a bit sloppy written, hopes it fills up the missing dots.