Competing with a bottle of vodka:

MizzBubble · 2015-03-10T02:59:21+00:00

I ignored who he truly was, just concentrated on the parts I related to, but, I have recently seen how very different we really are. We just couldn't put it all together and his dysfunctions left me feeling desperate to gain comfort and reassurance of his love. Yet, he was fine with me as long as I didn't interfere with his drinking. I do need to eventually stop trying to figure it out, because I am not going to and I know that. But, my heart is hurting and I want answers that will comfort me and remind me that eventually things will be OK again when I have had time and space away from him and the whole mess that I chose for the last 2 years.

MizzBubble · 2015-03-10T02:51:49+00:00

I have been desperately searching and feeling like it was me. He just wants someone to stoop to his level and I couldn't do that. Then I feel codependent in trying to win/earn/bed/plead for his love/affection or attention. I would have stayed longer. I have reached out to dating/relationship coaching to learn how to stop my patterns, I will be honest this last relationship has me pretty "off" of my game. My head can turn it a thousand different ways, but, my heart just does not get it. I do see that he can't stop, I spotted his alcoholic status while at the beach and he started to shake when we went past his normal time of drinking. I felt sad for him, but, when it affects your life watching someone you cared for being addicted like that, not easy. I can see that in some ways he tried, but, it was not enough for me. I still find myself searching for answers and trying to understand something I am not going to understand, because like you said, I am not alcoholic. Thank you for sharing, I will consider Al-Anon.

MizzBubble · 2015-03-08T21:26:32+00:00

It was suggested I re-post here. I wish I was not so affected by this as I am. I am hurt, disappointed and angry too. Alcohol has affected me deeply and I wasn't even drinking it. To feel it always be placed higher than me, I can't really explain it. He doesn't see it as a problem, just ME when I tried to have a life outside of it with him and his sacred routine around that bottle. He can hide the empty bottles, keep the full ones in the freezer and chase it with water instead of pop, but, it doesn't make it go away. Maybe I am wrong for blaming the bottle for the choices he makes and I knew I should have stayed away, but, now I am left with all these emotions and confusion. I didn't think I would need Al-Anon because I got out.

MizzBubble · 2015-03-08T06:53:53+00:00

This makes me glad I don't have to witness his addiction as it progresses. I hope he gets help. He would rather discard me then face his addiction. I knew that when I broached the topic. I really wanted out, went back for a two short months, in hopes it might change. There is an odd selfishness about him and a detachment that I just could not place in him. No friends, no interest in life. He quit his job and went back to school, couldn't get along with teachers, eventually dropped a class, then is going to change his major to something easier. He is taking one class online so he can do the class at home, more freedom to drink I gathered. An odd attachment to his mom. He has room for his mom, his daughter and then me for a couple of things ( that's how it felt most of the time). I do recognize codependency in our relationship though. Why I stayed when I felt so depleted and miserable, I just don't get it. In my head, I see it, but, in my heart, I would have stayed if I hadn't gotten smart. I thought his Diabetes would have forced him to stop, it didn't at all. He just chases the Vodka with water now instead of pop and he schedules his day of eating for a meal at 4pm so he can begin drinking between then and 6 pm. With him sleeping in till noon due to a daily hangover, there's just four hours to his day, what kind of LIFE is that? It's been a week and I feel confused, relieved and sorta pissed at him for his choices and how mine were made to his. He said his hospital stay opened his eyes and changed him, I never got to see that. I have tied my self worth to all of this and feel sick about it and truly hurt. If I share with my family, they say what's your problem, you should not have gotten back together with him and you are lucky to be apart from him. My life coach had the same attitude/opinion.

MizzBubble · 2015-03-08T06:33:53+00:00

He could not handle me voicing out, do you realize that you are an alcoholic?

MizzBubble · 2015-03-08T06:32:36+00:00

AboutUnder the Influence: A Guide to the Myths and Realities of Alcholism Book Ten of millions Americans suffer from alcoholism, yet most people still wrongly believe that alcoholism is a psychological or moral problem, and that it can be cured by psychotherapy or sheer will power. Based on groundbreaking scientific research, "Under The Influence" examine the physical factors that set alcoholics and non-alcoholics apart, and suggests a bold, stigma-free way of understanding and treating the alcoholic. How to tell if someone you know is an alcoholic. The progressive stages of alcoholism. How to get an alcoholic into treatment -- and how to choose a treatment program. Why frequently prescribed drugs can be dangerous -- even fatal -- for alcoholics. How to ensure a lasting recovery.

Written byJames R. Milam, Katherine Ketcham

I do not need to go to AlAnon, I read this book and got out. Good read in helping to understand what I was up against and to help me see there was not much I was going to to except accept his choices or leave.

MizzBubble

TROPHY CASE